Hi All,
Is it your birthday tomorrow Lucy? I hope you do something nice too if it is. I’m dreading the big milestones, whatever they are but I’m sure our parents who have gone would want us to enjoy special days as much as possible. Xx
How are you doing Jayne?
Ann xx
Hello All
I hope everyone is OK and Lucy I see you have had a birthday so hope that went off alright.
Haven’t been around much the last few days as have had a viral infection I think. Have been feeling appallingly tired and a bit low. Feeling ill always has brought out the child in me and wanting to be comforted by my parents. Not mega fussing just someone to sympathise a bit. Anyway have had to cope alone and make my own cups of tea when wanted. Have eaten an alarming number of biscuits too!
Getting frustrated waiting for my new cats to arrive. I have to have a home check first and getting hold of the person to carry this out is proving a challenge. She is very busy I hear with a plethora of cats needing to be homed. I have beds, blankets and food dishes waiting for my two when they come.
Mel
Hi Mel
Sorry you have been under the weather. You are so right about missing that tlc only parents can do. My mum would always bring me food parcels or flowers when I felt down and my dad would give me pep talks about “chin up”. I now have to do that all myself too.
I’ve started buying flowers for myself and little treats. I feel like my mum would approve. Maybe that’s what you need too? Believe me, your cats will bring a whole new dimension when they arrive. Mine certainly has! I hope yours are more placid and less wild. Mine is a nut case!
Take care
Ann x
Hi Everyone
Heard yesterday that I am a competition winner in a mindfulness competition!
I am sure you have seen my constant suggestions to people on here to take time for themselves, sit in the garden and relax with a cup of tea or similar. I put this as my mindfulness suggestion to others and was one of the winners. Have won a flower arranging kit from Interflora which has just arrived.
I am rubbish at flower arranging so this could be fun.
My viral infection is still lingering on so have been off work today and spent the afternoon trying to clear my spare bedroom as a lair for my cats when they come. Have three black bags of rubbish so a good job done.
I agree Ann, flowers and treats are the way to go. I feel like a big glass of wine tonight after all my efforts. A very rare treat for me as I don’ like drinking on my own.
I hope everyone is alright, not easy to be cheerful when the weather is getting solder and nights re drawing in.
Mel
Hi All,
So sorry for delay been non stop and I’ll catch up with thecnessages the next few days as getting tonsils removed tomo! Then I’ll be off for a bit so time to catch up, sorry I’ve not seen all the messages but thanks for the birthday wishes I’ve seen on screen infront of me. Look forward to catching up post the next couple of days hope you’re all ok lots of love xx
Hi All
How did the flower arranging go Mel and do you have a date for the cats yet? I was thinking today how good our cat has been for me recently. Something new to focus on, despite being a complete handful…
Hope things go well with your operation Lucy. I’ll be thinking of you.
Ann xx
Hope all goes well wit your tonsils today Lucy xx
Flowers have been suitably arranged, very nice mixture of roses, irises and freesias. Something nice to look at in my kitchen. Finding a vase big enough for them all was a challenge until remembered I had brought Mum’s huge vase with me.
Hi Lucy
Just wondered how you were doing after the op?
Ann xx
Hi All,
I’m back! So sorry for not being on here for you all but just been mental.
Well done Mel with the competition and how was the trip to Paris? So pleased for you! Hope the infection is improving? Have the cats arrived yet?
Ahh thanks Ann,sorry for the delay but thanks for all the good luck messages. How are you? Sorry to hear you broke down in a meeting but who cares - you’re entitled to break down about your parents like that it’s human and shows how much you loved them. God I’m wroting that saying ‘loved’ and it doesn’t seem real does it, especially when you were talking about your dear Mum not so long a go. I look back at my first message on here and find it weirdly hanunting now. I can’t also believe that it’ll soon be 10 months in some ways I’ve not moved on from that day but in others I have it’s just really odd. How’s the cat now then? Still running riot?! Mines asleep on my lap bless him! My saviour!
Well loads happened here!! Sit back with a cupper and you’ll see why I’ve been non existent!! Don’t know where to start, I’ll soon be out of the hell hole!!! Resigned on my birthday! Secured a job the day before! Same industry but national organisation and we have the same thoughts on strategy stuff so that should be much better for me and I’m looking forwards to the fresh start in a few weeks time. So that perked up what was due to be a difficult birthday. It went ok on the day went for lunch with Dad and a friend but nearly had a complete meltdown at the table as there was one empty chair which I couldn’t help but think Mum should be in that. I didn’t say anything and kept it hidden but I just felt like that & found it difficult. Then had a bbq event and had some friend come which was nice but just missing something- Mum. My best friend has made it so special by doing so so much to make it as nice as possible - I was quite overwhelmed- beautiful meaningful gifts, being there, still gifts coming through from her now, buying birthday cakes to surprise me on the day with candles, sparklers etc. She’s been wonderful. It was tough.
Trip down to see mums friends was absolutely great and I’m so please I went as I could talk about her for 4 days non stop - just what I needed. One of her friends took me to this mega posh hotel for lunch and paid for it all and then bought me a little angel gift and then sent me a pandora charm bracelet for my birthday - I didn’t really know her either as Mum and her had only been back in touch for a couple of years after losing touch about 30 years ago. It’s been lovely and she’s been amazing. One of mums friends came out of her house and just couldn’t stop crying- I held it together but was lovely to see someone else so effected - not that I wish she was feeling that way but you know what I mean.
Still getting overthrew big trip!!! Still regular contact with my new family it’s just been amazing. Now heard from someone in Arizona too who’s a 4th cousin and we’ve worked out the link! I just want to go back there.
Finally my tonsils! Well OMG the pain! THE PAIN!!! To say I’ve been walking around in a drugged up stumper for a week is probably an understatement! Today is day 9 and the first day without crippling pain. Had to ring the hospital back on Thursday as couldn’t see a way of carrying on like that. It got worse days 5-8. I’ve bevome a night owl - most nights over the past 4 nights I’ve been up at 2, 3.30, 5, 7 10 and then back in bed until the afternoon. Last night I didn’t have to get up so that was a relief and the pain has dulled right down. Hospital was pretty diabolical the first day and I had the most snotty nurse on ever - I thought i don’t need this on the first night so o gave her a mouthful! Even though it was difficult! Since Mum died I will not tolerate any crap (excuse the French!) from people. She’s getting a complaint letter!
I must be feeling better I’m moaning!! The op did go well but I just have another week off now to get over the pain & try and get back in an even keel. Lost 8lbs in 8 days. That’s the only bit I’ve been mega excited about! But my taste buds have come back today and I’m so hungry!
Well I think that’s everything! Let me know how you are Mel, Ann, Jayne.
As you can see it’s been hectic to the point that since I went to see mums friends I literally hadn’t sat down for an hour to relax until today to be honest as it’s the first day I’ve been able to relax without pain. Had to nail the job stuff as had two interviews quite a way from home too and a lot of preparation do I was just head down on that.
I’m exhausted just updating you all!!! Lots of love, look forward to hearing your news xxx
Crikey Lucy.
You have been a busy girl!
I’m really pleased you got through your birthday in one piece. It was always going to be a hard one but it sounds like your friend and your mum’s friends have been amazing. Happy belated birthday!
It is such an amazing story about your new family and so lovely to know they are keeping in touch.
Huge congratulations on your new job. That sounds like just what the doctor ordered…unlike your treatment in hospital. It sounds like a horrid time but glad to hear you are starting to come down from the pain and drugs.
Hopefully your new job will be a really positive change for you. I bet it’s been hard not being able to tell your mum all your news. Xx
My news…work is going well but that’s about it…I’ve been avoiding going to my mum and dads house but went today and tried to sort out some more cupboards. As you all know, it’s so hard 
I’m also building my birthday and Christmas up as big deals in my mind. I want to just get to January to be honest but then I remind myself that nothing will be different then. Sorry, just feeling grumpy and lonely with the world tonight.
I’m looking forward to hearing you cat/Paris news too Mel and I hope things are going well for you Jayne?
Ann xx
Hi All
First of all I am thrilled for you Lucy about your new job, well done and an extra special birthday present for you. The tonsil op sounds a nightmare, why are some nurses so horrible? Having your tonsils out as an adult is much worse than as a child and the nurse should know that and be more sympathetic. The news about your family is wonderful, how lovely to have so many new relatives. Also your Mum’s lovely friends. I am just so pleased for you.
Ann, i am sorry you are feeling miserable tonight, it is just so grim some days and nights. You are doing well sorting out your Mum and Dads things, that is always so hard and horrid.
Paris was lovely, boiling hot and very sunny. I only had a few hours free there so went up to the Sacre Coeur. I must be getting fitter as walked up from the bottom with only a couple of little rests. I had never been inside so went in to light a candle for my Mum and her sister who passed away a year after her. Had a little cry in a corner as it was all a bit much. At least no one says anything in church if you cry, too dark for them to see anyway. Had a little look around the shop in there as well and brought a tiny little plaster angel with a rosebud crown that looked just like Mum when she was a child. I have it by her photograph which is next to my bed. I had a cocktail on the way home to toast my Mum and Aunt and it cheered me up a lot.
I haven’t said but it was my Birthday yesterday. Not an event anymore for me although I was taken out for lunch. I brought myself a Pandora charm of a flower as my present to myself. It woulod have been Mum’s birthday soon and she would have been 95. A major milestone day to get through for me.
Still waiting on the cats. Currently looking after a friend’s dog whilst she is on holiday. Great big hairy wolf like thing but very sweet and affectionate. Lots of lovely walks with her in store for the next couple of weeks.
I do hope everyone else is alright.
Mel
Hi Both,
Ahh thank you both for the congratulations. Certainly been a busy few weeks but with a good outcome.
Sorry to hear you’re struggling a bit Ann, do you have a friend you could take with you to your parents house? I don’t like asking but have you sorted any clothes yet- I took a friend with me just to do that part and it made it a little easier as she kind of took over a bit which is what I needed. I did laugh at one point as did we both because mum used to ask why did I buy so many clothes and never wear them and when we were sorting her clothes, I thought exactly the same and also thought you cheeky so and so having a go at me when she’d bought loads of things and never warn them!!! It’s all so hard isn’t it.
Happy or as happy as it could be belated birthday Mel. Glad you git through it, awful how old happier occasions just become days we need to get through. Glad Paris went well and you could have a cry in a church without being pestered! I need to go to a church I think then! Well done for going still even if it was work related and getting through it. Just going abroad is a bit daunting now I find as I don’t have mum back home to call/text. Oh I hope the cats come soon, I’m sure you’ll love having them. Dog walks are good though in the meantime! Love animals they literally are my saviour unlike people!
Well I’ve def come down from the meds! Don’t I know it! I even had a full on attack of swearing at a fly earlier which flew into my head!! I’ve actuslly ignored my phone today as I just cannot deal with people! Anaesthetics affect me afterwards and I always seem to get very angry afterwards. I love having them and cope well with them but for a few weeks after I need a sign around my neck which says do not irritate! Even better still ‘just don’t bother talking to me’!
Anyway hope I’ve nade you both laugh with the fly incident! Hope you’re days are going ok xx
Hi All
I so look forward to reading how you are all getting on. Sorry I have missed replying to lots of messages. I pick up the messages and intend to reply “in a few minutes” but one day slides into the next. I seem to struggle to keep all the plates spinning at the moment timewise…the plates are a little wobbly!!
Lucy, a new job! Congratulations. It must have been so difficult to motivate to apply for a job, go to interview etc without bouncing everything off your mum, so huge Well Done to you. When do you start?
Glad you are recovering from the op. Did you manage to swat that fly?!
Mel, belated birthday wishes. Hopefully in time we will all find new ways of marking the special days. I hear that you will soon have a couple of cat birthdays to celebrate. I see that they are having their own bedroom!
Ann, I have visions of your kitten flying around your home at a hundred miles an hour, causing mayhem!
Hope tomorrow is good for you all
Xxx
Hi All.
I hate flies too Lucy. Pesky little bar-stewards! You did make me smile, thank you.
I don’t want anyone to rush me with the house so it’s just been me and my husband so far. I have started with the clothes but last year it was my mum forcing me to throw out my dad’s clothes and so now I have nobody forcing me with hers. Slowly… slowly seems to be the way I’m going.
This may sound mad but we went to make a start on the kitchen at the weekend with my son and he had a ladybird land on him. It was there for at least 20mins keeping him entertained while we went through the cupboards. I love ladybirds now. One landed out of the blue on my mum’s shoulder while we lay flowers after my dad’s funeral…today I was about to loose the plot that my son had forgotten to hand his homework in, and what was on the book? Another ladybird…as if telling me to get a grip and calm down. Odd.
Anyway. Lovely to hear from you Jayne. Time does just drift on. How are you doing?
How is everyone doing with thinking about Christmas? I’m dreading it this year…
Ann xx
Hi Mel
Sorry, I forgot to wish you a belated good wishes for your birthday. Well done getting through 
Xx
Ann x
It is interesting about the ladybirds Ann. Until I lost my mum I have never before thought of, let alone believed in, ‘signs’ but the first time I went into town a bird landed in my path right infront of my feet so that I had to stop. It looked directly at me and stayed there for quite some seconds looking at me before it flew off. It happened again when had to go to do paperwork relating to mum. Now when I see a bird, like a Wild Bird Lady, I say Hello!!
My mum had clothes never worn. Makes you think that keeping things ‘for best’ may not be the best idea!
Christmas, you are heading for the first one Ann so you will no doubt be in meltdown by the very thought of it. This year, facing the second one (can hardly believe it) I am calm in an ignoring it sort of way so far. I know you will never get away with ignoring it as your son will not let you! Is there a plan for you so far to get through the day?
Xxx
Hi Jayne and everyone
Isn’t it odd when you don’t believe in something but something happens. Regardless of what they are, I feel like the little signs make me feel part of a bigger wider nature which is comforting in itself.
My mum loved nature and now I understand why.
Keeping things for “best” is something I’ve learnt quickly too. Now our jam is in a cut glass jar that my mum never used and I’m using my “best” perfume whenever I feel like it My mum used to tell me about the family silver tea pots that were locked carefully in a cupboard for decades. I got them valued and turns out they are worthless but I like them so they are on display on top of my kitchen cupboard and it makes me laugh how they were treasured for years thinking they were valuable but actually they are just pretty after all.
I’m desperately trying not to be a horder but it’s so difficult!
I’m dreading Christmas. It’s such a pressure keeping going for my little boy when all I want to do is run away. The in laws will feature heavily which is a double punch in the stomach! My plan is to simply get through it then run away on holiday afterwards. I’m putting such pressure into getting through Christmas that I’m sure January will be awful as I will then realise that nothing is better then…
Sorry for the bleakness. Just done the school run in the rain which never cheers me up!
Hope you all have a good Wednesday and get over the “Wednesday hump” smoothly.
Ann x
Hi All,
Hope you’re all ok this grotty weather weekend!
Glad you’re ok Jayne - well as ok as can be with spinning all of those plates! I know what you mean with the replying - some days the intentions are there but then something happens and you get completely side tracked. Thanks for the congrats message - yes it’s a complete relief to know I’m getting out of that place sooner rather than later. I don’t start until mid Nov so still a few weeks to grit my teeth and the bigger challenge of biting my tongue! They started emailing my personal email whilst I’ve been off! Unbelievable. It’s probably by accident but they should still know better - best bit is it was HR! So there really is no hope!
Hope you’re feeling a bit better Ann, I’m sure your Christmas will be a challenge especially due to the in-laws. I can’t say I envy you at all at that thought. I take it there’s been no improvement there then? Is it your birthday next Ann - I think it was you that said it was?
Hope you’re doing ok Mel and are having a relaxing weekend?
Strange how you’ve been talking about ladybirds - guess what I noticed flying around in my back room yesterday morning - a ladybird! I did think of you all as I had a quick peak at the messages Thursday night. Then I’ve actually noticed that in my back door frame there’s a whole load of them! Couldn’t believe it. So I couldn’t help but think you all and also think - how strange but lovely too. I watched this one fly around the back room and land on various items.
Well I return to work Monday sums up my feelings! I’m trying to get everything ready today and then I can relax tomorrow - well I won’t relax because I’ll be getting agitated all day at the thought of Monday!! I think now I know I’m leaving - it’s actually getting worse! Must try and think that with each day the countdown gets shorter and that’s a positive! I’ve already noticed today that my teeth are jammed together - not a good start! I’m also very aggressive after anaesthetics!! God help them for the next few weeks at work!!!
Other than that I seem to be having a few emotional breakdowns again, just missing mum terribly. And as for Christmas i’m dreading it. It’s the month mum passed and Christmas and just this early build up is already driving me nuts! I also cannot believe that next week will be 10 months - ten whole months - where on earth has the time gone?? I almost feel that the past ten months just haven’t really happened and maybe if I pinch myself i’ll wake up from this never ending rollercoaster of emotions. I just cant get my head around the fact that I’m just never going to see her again. It’s just so difficult to comprehend and I’m still struggling from seeing Mum the day she broke down in hospital and was shaking violently as she tried to dry her hair. Just wish I’d done more - I did dry her hair for her and then pretty much styed the next 5 days until she passed but it doesn’t seem enough.
Right I am going before I depress you all!!! Take care, xx
Hi Lucy and everyone,
You are not depressing Lucy. Just honest and here is the place to be honest! You don’t need to bite your tongue with us
I understand what you mean about sometimes just expecting to wake up from it all. I feel that too. Sometimes it is just too surreal. The days when I am relatively ok, I feel that it is all some sort of parallel dream almost. It is simply too much to take in I guess.
I’ve also started thinking that my mum and dad are still with me. Don’t worry, I’ve not lost the plot. What I mean is all those times I wonder what my mum and dad would think about something, I realise I already know. They made me me and I know what they would say to me about everything already. Sorry…rambling again.
Lucy, to stay with your mum in her final days was an amazing thing to do. Unfortunately there was nothing extra you could have done. You were with her to show her you loved her and what better gift could you have given.
You are bound to be anxious about Christmas. How about you come and have it with my in laws to take your mind off things and I will run away 
Hope everyone has a peaceful Saturday night. No partying for me. Already dreaming of my PJs and some trash TV.
Ann xx
Hi
Just a quick hello to say hope everyone is alright. Up to my eyes controlling my friend’s dog. She needs lots of walks so I am taking her out four times a day, short one first thing in the morning then a long one lunchtime, third at just before her supper and a final one before I settle down for the night. I am worn out! Any other time is spent preparing for the cats, I have a two tier ‘cat cave’ arriving next week. I saw it online and couldn’t resist it. Also tidying and the never ending sorting out. Yes I agree Ann trying not to be a hoarder is very difficult.
Lucy I hope it is all going alright at work. Keep counting the days and ignoring any nonsense.
Mel