Thank goodness I am not a perfume lady! Sounds like a dangerous profession to be in I am so so glad things have started well at your new job Lucy. It definitely sounds like a big step forward. Titles and money certainly are not everything. Being happier with less stress (usually…subject to bad days and shop assistants…) and more work life balance are worth a fortune. Well done for making the leap. If I dare say, I’m sure your mum would be proud of you.
Jayne, I too get the stuck while also moving on “thing”. I’m stuck in my old life that I miss so much, also stuck in the flash backs to the horrendous torture life I had while I looked after my mum after my dad died but somehow I have moved on 6 months. No idea how. I read something about physics that I don’t understand but about time only being a concept and the past is still as valid as the present. As I say, I didn’t understand it but it gave me comfort to think nobody can take the past away from me.
Are things not good with your dad Jayne? Forgive me, I’ve missed that if you’ve already written about it. Cards are such an emotive thing. Designed by greeting card companies to pull on heart strings and oh boy…they do. Especially the missing place for a card on the fireplace.
I love pebbles Mel. There is something so comforting about how solid they are and real in a life thst feels very unstable suddenly. There is also something about the fact they are so old and worn away by the years that gives comfort and perspective. I think that is a beautiful idea taking the pebble to where your mum is.
I’m currently having sleepless nights about building projects at my mum and dads house. Haven’t got plans or quotes sorted yet so it’s driving my up the stress pole. If that’s a thing?
Oh Ann that is rotten for you. You are brave to be even thinking about decorations I think. The first Christmas after losing Mum I went away so didn’t put much up, certainly no tree. I did go and buy a wreath for the front door because we always had one and I felt Mum would expect me to continue. I got a basic one last year and decorated it myself which was fun.
I also send love to all of you, this is a rubbish time of year for us so have to grit teeth and look forward to the new year.
Just popping on here to see how you all are.
Today is the first anniversary of my dad’s passing so thought it was a good time to say hello to you all.
This year has literally flown by and can’t believe Xmas is imminent.
I have my tree and all the decorations up and have done all my Xmas shopping early to avoid the crowds. It will be a mixed Christmas this year but my lovely dad would want me to carry on as normal with Christmas tradition and so I will mostly be looking forward to it. I then will be off to the Lake District for a week’s holiday. Lots of walking, nature, scenery and of course cosy evenings in the local pubs. Can’t beat a nice dinner and glass of wine after a long day walking!.
I hope you all have a lovely Christmas and not forgetting our loved one’s who have passed as they will of course be with us in our hearts and memories.
2019 is a new year full of hope love and happiness so I wish you all a good one.
xx
Sorry not to have replied sooner though did ‘like’ when I first saw your message. I have an ongoing cold/flu which I have had now over five weeks. Seemed to go and had a relapse on Wednesday. Hence not being on here much.
You sound as if you are going to have a good time. Envious about the Lake District. I have only been once for a course and I spent a week looking wistfully out of the window wanting to go and explore. It rained almost solidly that week so I do hope you get better weather than I did. Good idea to get the shopping and decorating done early so you can concentrate on your trip.
I wish you well as well and agree with you about 2019 being full of hope for us all.
Surfacing after the cold/flu relapse earlier this week. I have done virtually nothing the last few days apart from cough and splutter. Thinking of taking out shares in cough mixture as am swigging it like water it feels like.
My cats have been in full nursing mode, taking it in turns to be on the bed next to me and purring soothingly. Food and warmth I think may have a lot to do with their affections. I went out to work on Thursday and it finished me until today, kept falling asleep and not being able to concentrate.
Fortunately I am the type of person who always is the last to get their decorations out and up so no change there. I am planning to visit a market tomorrow which has plants and flowers so am hoping there will be some door wreaths there. I just want a simple one to embellish myself. I have a tiny tree in a pot I bought last year and have had in the garden ever since. It has grown immensely so can come back in to be decorated. The cats are looking forward to this greatly and destroying it when my back is turned.
My thoughts are turning a lot to Mum and how much she loved Christmas and decorating. We used to go and search for little bits of greenery in the countryside and dead branches. We always had a tree and display of branches with tiny birds and baubles in the house. I don’t think I will do too much, just enough to look cheerful. Cards have started arriving including ones addressed to my old home. I let everyone know I had moved so it is lucky I kept the redirection on for a bit longer.
How is everyone getting on? Is your new job proving interesting Lucy? Hope my fellow crazy cat ladies are all well?
Hi All,
Well the day has arrived and I’m still here one year on. How I will never know. As always just wanted to check in on this day and say thank you to you for being with me through this journey. Hope you are ok Mel, Anne and Jayne, I will update properly at the weekend but I can’t believe today has come. Been an emotional day to day the least. Xx
I am sorry, the first anniversary is such a miserable one to get through. Going by the time of your post it is nearly over which will be such a relief.
Thank you too for always being a support when you have been so sad yourself.
You made it. I am sure your mum would be very proud of you this last year. You kept going, you met new family, you changed jobs and you’ve been here supporting people you don’t even know, showing what a kind and thoughtful person you are.
If you’ve got this far, you can carry on going without your mum by your side, but still firmly in your heart.
Hello Lucy I am so sorry to read your story. It almost mirrors mine although I lost mum to breast cancer. I thought I was going mad at first but I read about the seven stages of grief and it helped to find out that I wasn’t. I wish I could say that after x months you will be ok again but I don’t think it is true. I cry everyday about my mum. I also lost my dad 8 months later. But what is true is you learn to accept it. That gives you the strength to forge on with your life. Your grief is a reflection of what she meant to you. Catherine x
Are things getting a bit easier Lucy now you’ve got past the anniversary date? I do hope so. Xx
Hope you are fully recovered from the flu Mel and you are taking it easy?
Hi CatherineA I’m really sorry to hear your story. I lost my mum after a cruel fight with cancer one year after my dad died so I certainly relate to the crying every day. I just constsntly push mascara back up my face and carry on. My son says my eyes look “cracked” all the time. Not a good look! Xx
How is life with you Jayne? Hope you doing are ok.
I’m finding Christmas looming over me especially difficult. The though of playing happy families with my in laws after they let me down so much while I cared for my mum is excruciating. Last Christmas was the only day I lost the plot with my mum too so I for one just want to get to 2nd January as quickly as possible!
Hoping everyone is OK and bearing up for Christmas and the New Year. I have done my usual and bought myself a present to open on 25th ‘from my Mum’. Very practical, two jumpers to keep me warm in the new year.
Glad I’m not alone with that idea Mel. I ordered myself some perfume from my mum and dad. Unfortunately it arrived damaged in the post but that sums up this year! I also put my mum’s last card to me up. Sure it will get some awquard looks from visitors but never mind…
I’ve spent 3 solid weekends crying my eyes out so fingers crossed I have got a lot out of my system for December…who knows. The grief rollercoaster has very unpredictable ups and downs…
Hi All,
So sorry for lack of contact. Struggled last couple of weeks. Put the tree up today that’s how Christmassy I am!
Hope you’re feeling better Mel now? How are you getting in with the cats now? Love the present idea.
How are you feeling now Ann? Three weeks of tears sounds painful you’re eyes must be red and sore. How’s your kitten too? Hopefully the cats will keep us all busy! Just given mine some deflea treatment and he’s swiped at me twice! And this time he meant it!!! Bless him!
I’m pleased I’m through the anniversary but just keep thinking how I was this time last year and in an absolute blur describes it.
Anniversary of the funeral next invetween christnas abd new year. Urgh. I am going away in that day for a few days so that’ll keep me busy.
And as for Christmas cards literally a handful of people have thought the rest it’s not crossed their minds! Not that it should.
I’ve bedn doing lots of walking which has been lovely. Lost half a stone in two weeks but it’s already going back on!!!
Sorry it’s a really depressing message tonight! But I just wanted to say I am thinking of you over the next few days. Xxxx
A really difficult time for you Lucy so well done getting the tree up at all. There is so much pressure on Christmas at the best of times and you have a double whammy this time of year.
Well done on the walking. It should help the emotions too. Xx
I bought a lovely bauble for the tree the other day with a robin on it for my mum and dad. I have had a lot of comfort from robins. At this rate I am going to become a spendaholic as I keep buying things that remind me of my parents…
I’m doing better than I was earlier in the month but now I am just trying to power through the next couple of days keeping busy. I am looking forward to Christmas being behind me this year.
Hope you are getting through the day as smoothly as possible. Cannot believe (my ‘favourite’ words) this is the second christmas, trying to tell myself it is just another day but I am not really convincing myself! Ready to enjoy the break, just would be better without the Christmassy element!
I too bought myself perfume from my mum, as I recall someone ( I think it may have been you, Mel) suggesting to get an egg at Easter which I did.
Lucy, you got through the anniversary, got through the year, moved jobs, went on your trip, so many stress events and you survived them all in one year!
Ann, so much has happened, so it is little wonder the last few weekends have been overwhelming but I do hope you perhaps find an element of distraction in your son’s excitement today and tomorrow. I do like the idea of powering through the next few days.
You have all been, and continue to be, a great support over the year with your wise words.
Hope everyones cats have got their Christmas stockings up!!
Ahh, glad you’re all ok and good to see everyone hop on today! Thank you all as Jayne said for your support this year, I actually think I’d have gone insane without you all in this group, a place of sanctuary and calm and you understand.
Your first Christmas Ann, another biggie to face for you, love the Robin idea and in know exactly what you mean I keep buying things that remind me of Mum etc. Saw a lovely state heart which said in loving memory on it, so had to get it!
Glad cats are all ok Mel! Thanks Jayne for your lovely words. Yes a big year to get through and I’m through it. Just got to do my best to do mum proud now and live my life as fully as she’d want me to, as we all feel it’d just be nice if she could see it. I’m sure she can.
Anyway please all try and have a relaxing day tomorrow, I’ll raise a glass to all our parents and to you all when I have my lunch tomorrow! It’ll only be me, dad and the cat but I’ll still raise one! Lots of love xxx
H, I joined on here when my dad passed on the 6th December last year and was a regular poster on this particular thread.
I subsequently suffered a nervous breakdown as a consequence of my dad’s passing which then created alienation of me by some people on here who chose to negatively judge me during the time of my breakdown, however, that’s all in the past as these people are not part of my recovery but today at this special time of year I would like to go back to the beginning to when I lost my dad and joined this site for support and as someone who never forgets the kindness of others in my time of need I could not end this year without thanking Caroline, Marigold, Tina and Claire for their loving support and lack of judgement of me for losing my beloved dad. I wish you all love and peace this Christmas and thank you all for your personal messages of support. Always remember mental health issues are real and a person should not be allienated because of them. Merry Christmas everyone x
I am so so glad things have started well at your new job Lucy. It definitely sounds like a big step forward. Titles and money certainly are not everything. Being happier with less stress (usually…subject to bad days and shop assistants…) and more work life balance are worth a fortune. Well done for making the leap. If I dare say, I’m sure your mum would be proud of you.