Hi all , first time posting , my mum died 7 weeks ago , and i just cannot speak to people in person about how i really feel , i " manage " daily , i keep her alive in my mind i talk about her and think of her often , if im doing something she would have liked or howo she would have dealt with something , or something she would have said , makes my heart happy , but i get this deep set pang in my body like almost physical and this sinking feeling rhat shes not here and how final it is that shes gone , i cant bear how simply things change , 2 clicks of a button and shes no longer on an electoral roll , a few clicks of a button and my darling mum who is fhe only person whos wver truly known me just wiped off and the world just carries on - i wanna shout out nooooo i cant do that because mums gone and its really made a void in me !!! the worst thing is i dont know how to cry infront of others not my dad or anyone , i do cry but mainly in private , ive made a place for her in my front room , her ashes , pics and flowers which gives me comfort , im just having trouble wifh the finality of it all , will i ever feel like me again .
Hi Im so sorry to hear about your mum. Im exactly the same my mum passed away 7 weeks ago on 7th Aug. My mum had stage 4 liver cancer and lived wirh me. I cared for her 24/7 until her body could tale no more. I feel empty, at a liss, low, sad. Ive got my mums ashws at home on the sideboard in my living room. Im glad she is home but also sad she is in a box. The little things make me sad. I cry when no one else is about. My husband thinks im coping ok but im not. I hope you dont mind me messaging
Hi , so sorry to hear pf your mums passing , its so hard isnt it , i feel the same , i cry at the most pic of us , so happy and shes hugging me , my dad isnt affectionate to me at all , hes more for my sister , mum was always full of cuddles and affection , now its nothing , my bf is an occasional hugger so its really noticeable ,i sat and hugged one of her jumpers the other day because it smelt of her and sobbed , everyone thinks im coping butim not , i miss her beyond words , apparently it gets easier …i appreciate your message xxx
I can completely understand. My mum and dad split up oher 16 years ago and my brother has not spoken to my mum and me for 6 years. My mum livee with myself and my husband. My mum had other illnesses that restricted her life, i gave up my job 3 years ago to look after my mum and to get her to various hospital appointments as my work were not accomadating. My mum had Lung cancer Oct 2021 she had radiotherapy as due to her other illnesses she would not survive the operation then in March 2024 the cancer had come back but in her liver and was aggressive. We think it came back before that as the previous scan from 6 months prior they were unable to put the dye in to do the full scan. My mum was offered immune therapy this made her so ill she spent 12 weeks in the Royal Marsden i went every day for 3 hours min, she then got heart failure caused by the immune therapy. The immune therapy did not work they then tried chemo that did not work and upped the chemo dosed that did not work. We were told Jan to go home and enjoy the time we had. My mum broke down in tears and said i dont want to die. I had to hold my emotions in and said we will deal with whatever comes pur way. My mum had been weak since the immune therapy. From Nov my mums mobility was really reduced we got a wheelchair and mobility scooter for her although she was not keen but it gave her some independance. From Dec my mum started going donw hill she managed a few mouthfulls of her food christmas day, we had about 2 hours with her as she was so tired. I cared for my mum 24/7 in the end as all we got was a call every 2 weeks from the district nurses and hospice. My mum was on oxygen 24/7 from last oct and did not grumble. I had to carry my mum to the toilet, feed her. Was so soul destroying watching my independant stubborn mum being unable to do anything. Last conversation i had with my mum was 2nd week of June as she was so ill and could only manage a couple of words for food or a drink etc. My mum was at my house until the end in her own bed which was what she wanted. My mum passed away on her own. I left her at 21:06 and went back in at 21:38 and she had gone, i beat myself up over it but people say my mum passed with me not by her side to spare me the pain of watching her take her last breath. I did spend most of my time with my mum popping out for 30 mins here do do the washing, hoovering etc. I spoke to her a lot that day thanked her for everything she had done for me all the love she gave. My mums funeral was on 12th Sept. I just feel so down ,alone, empty if that makes sense. My husband does not understand he tries to but he still has his parents. Everywhere i look i see my mum makes me sad. Its nice to message someone else who understands.
Thats how ive been , ive gor vsrious heslth conditions but i looked after mum and dad for a few years before moving a bit further away but tben my sister would only look atter them of she was paid to which she didnt want to do anyway , when mum went in hospital she was malnourished becauee eshe was juat living on takeaways and crap foods , so last year i has them with me for 40 weeks over the year , because she " needed a break " but in that time they were with me i made sure mum had the best time getting her out and about she dodnt ever want to go back , march fhis year she came to me after 4 weeks , ended up in hospital , had inflammation in her gall bladder , she covered it up because she wanted to visit , she was rushed in agter 3 days semi concious , came out after 3 weeks back in with sepsis , i visited her every single day because i wanted to not bevause i was paid because i adored her , i fed her cleaned her made fresh food for her because i wanted to , she told me she loved me " billions squillions amd trillions " i told her how much i loved her and itll all be okay , i never imagined it was the last day id see her , 4am they phoned me i havent felt the same since xxx
Same as me i did it because i wanted to and every day with my mum was precious no mattee how heart breaking it was watching her get weaker and weaker. So many times the hospitals prepared us for the worse as nothing more they could do as it was up to my mums body to fight infections etc. I think when you spend 24/7 with your mum and your life revolved around her its harder. Also hard when they live with you as you have the room they were in as well as your mums posessions clothes, perfume etc. Even know i knew it was coming still dont prepare you. I never cried once when my mum was here even when we got the news she was on end of life. I was ok organising the death, funeral but this last week i feel like i dont want to be here whats the point if that makes sense. Just feel like my life has ended and its only been 7 weeks my mum has been gone and 2 weeks since her funeral. Im so annoyed i was not with my mum when she took her last breath but i talked and talked to my mum telling her how lucky i was and how much i loved her. Talked about all the things we had done im sure she heard what i was saying, i like to think so
I totally understand what you are going through, as I lost my beautiful Mum 8 weeks ago, I am like you, I got a letter through the door to update electoral roll and can’t believe that’s it, only me on the form now, my Dad passed away 19 years ago and I still miss him, so I am dreading the months ahead as I know what’s in front of me, but this time, I don’t have my Mum by my side, I am glad you still have your Dad 
She would have heard you darling , i was the same i organised everything , i was solid , now im struggling xxx
Honestly thats it isnt it. So sinple and so final , how can it be juat a few clicks and this amazing person whos guided through life has gone , i can imagine thats a real shock to the system hun , im lucky to still have my dad , i cant imagine how hard it is im so sorry for your loss xx
We can all support each other as we are all going through the same
It is heartbreaking it feels as if my mum has been completely wiped from this world. Just a box with ashes in. I want the ashes with my all the time someone said to get a pendant made from the ashes. Im going to get a tattoo with the ashes as my mum will always be with me. When i am ready im going to get a memory bear made with her favourite clothes. I have to keep busy otherise my mind runs wild and i have floods of tears.
I totally agree with you, it’s as if they never existed and folk expect for everything to go back to normal after the funeral 
So sorry for your loss, I totally feel your pain, I was with my mum for 56 years and was with her at the end, I am so glad you have your husband by your side, trust me, even having him with you, is so much better than being on your own, even if he doesn’t understand your grief, I am now living by myself and I haven’t a clue where I go from here, it is quite scary, my family think I’m coping but I’m not, but I would rather their company than this daily living nightmare on my own
That’s me an adult orphan, so scary to actually write that, but it’s true, my whole world is just upside down and it’s such a lonely place to be, as I don’t have a partner or children, the rest of my family have their own lives 
So true ive had people say you need to live your life. You will learn to live with the loss of your mum. Its mad as one day im ok i think of my mum but i can hold myself together and other days im an emotional wreck who looks like an absolute nutta with tears over somehing stupid like food my mum used to buy for herself or somewhere we have both beeb together and i look at the passenger seat of the car where my mum should be sitting, instead an empty seat and the emotion hits me hard and i break down in tears.
Exactly and theh fact were not alone i guess shows this is normal grief feelings , my newest thing is to sit in the loo and cry , thats at home if anyones home and out tather than cry in the street xx
I know folk say that all the time, I think, what life, she was it, I hate being in supermarkets, seeing everything I used to buy her, or miss phoning her to tell her I wouldn’t be long and like you, I hate seeing the passenger seat in the car, empty all the time, or the couch where she was usually sitting on, just can’t see a way through this, I still ring the doorbell when coming back into house, I used to do that, so she didn’t get a fright when I came back in the house
I have a brother ive not spoken to him in 6 years he chose his wife over my mum even after she stopped my mum from seeing her grandchildren. Ive not spoken to my dad in 10 years we were never close waa only a hello and goodbye. My mum lived with us and i cared for my mum 24/7 prior to her being ill my mum was always around staying, coming round etc. I have my husband he works 7 days a week as i had to give up work to care for my mum. He is supportive but because he still has his parents he does not understand. I do all my crying alone same as you on the toilet in the garden. Its so surreal. I always go in her bedroom every day its false of habit then reality hits you an empty bed aurrounded by all my mums belongings. Ive tried to put as much into wardrobes and draws and that was hard
I hear you , youve noto got that same level of closeness as you had with your mum , thats me to a tee , its a very lonely time even with support , i feel like i need to withdraw from people though xx
You sound just like me. I would see something she would like and get her it. I would call her when out just to tell her something so silly…Ive got dogs i would send her a picture of the dogs or a wall i had painted. Its mad you can be in a supermarket see somthing your mum would buy or eat and thats it the emotion hits. I see other people like mum and daughter that makes me sad.