Hi I don’t know if this is right because I’m knew to this and not finding it easy to use. But I lost my mum in may and I’m finding it so hard I can’t seem to start move forward I miss her so much I message her still everyday at the same time. I’m not eating sleeping and people keep saying she wouldn’t want that and I know they are just trying to help but I just want to scream at them yeah and I didn’t want her to leave me. I’m finding it harder just to keep going everyday


Hello @Kelly75, thank you for reaching out and sharing how you’re feeling. You’re still in the very early days of grief - I wanted to share our page on coping with grief, which might help you in what you’re going through. I’m wondering if you are getting any extra support right now? You matter and deserve to be supported. If you’re finding things much harder as time goes on and struggling to eat or sleep, it might be a good idea to make an appointment with your GP and talk about how you’re feeling.

I also wanted to share our Help using this site page which can help you get around. Please do get in touch if there’s any further support you need in using the site as I am here to help.

Take care,

Hi Kelly 75,

I am so sorry to hear how you are feeling. I lost my Mum on 12th July after a terrible few months watching her die. I rang my GP as wasnt coping, like you, eating and sleeping affected. Would you feel you could ring your GP? Its definitely helped me.

Also, I hear you when you say about people saying your Mum wouldnt want this for you…as if she would!!! I would be honest with them and gently say " saying things like that isnt very helpful"… after speaking with a Sue Ryder volunteer thats what I took away the most…tell people what you want / need and also whats not helping… x

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Dear @Kelly75
It’s so hard I know, but could you perhaps, instead of messaging your mum, just find a quite place alone and talk to her out loud, or talk to her in your head, and imagine her talking back to you, imagining what she might say, even imaging her hug. Doing that every day instead??
It’s just I fear if you message to her number, it must just reinforce the loss in an even more negative way to not receive anything back. I’ll be honest I wanted to do the same with my mums number, then I thought about how it would feel not having anything back and thought it would make me feel even worse. So I didn’t do that.
So sorry people are saying unhelpful things. People don’t know what to say often, they want to fix us, when all we want is someone to listen. Please do speak to your GP and maybe as @VJH suggests speak to a Sue Ryder volunteer? Please keep posting here too when it’s bad, so many people here really do understand what it’s like.
Hugs xx

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Thankyou for your replies I just feel so lost . I’m sorry for both of your losses. I’m not sure if I’m doing this right because I can’t find how to reply to you individually. X

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Thanks Kelly. Looks like you’re doing fine with the technology, I think replies just go one under the other anyway. I know what you mean about feeling lost. Please do keep talking to your mum however you need to do it. I find this messageboard helps me feel in good company at least, though it is sad we all feel so lost. Hugs xx

Yeah it’s the first time I’ve actually said how I’ve been feeling and a part of me is pleased about that but I also feel bad about it because I see how many other people feel the same way and it makes me feel as though I’m being selfish talking about it when others are going through the same thing. Thankyou and hugs back

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I’ve worried it felt selfish too, but since coming here, I’ve thought, If no one shared how they felt, no one would support each other, everyone would just be totally alone with their pain. And that would be grim and such a waste, everyone alone with their own grief. So I think now that it’s really not selfish, it’s just sharing, and it’s pretty brave too, because it’s not easy to open up. We’re conditioned into being stiff upper lip and so on. It’s taken me over two years to get over the same feeling as you and join this forum. Wish I’d done it sooner though.
It’s not as though we’re saying ours is the worst, it’s not competitive, it’s just sharing and even offering something to help someone else feel less lonely. For example, you helped me feel less alone because I feel terribly lost without my mum too. So Im grateful to you for sharing your feelings. I think people posting here are able to feel just that little less alone when they read about someone else’s grief, and, when it’s hard to talk to people we know and see, or maybe we can’t even talk to friends and loved ones because they can’t deal with our grief, then posting on here is a good way to firstly talk, and then to receive and, not least, give support.
Sorry this has turned into a big huge ramble! Its just how I see it now, ie. not selfish, just sharing and helping others too, Hope this might help a bit xx

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Yeah thank you and it wasn’t a ramble it made a lot of sense . Hugs

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I understand I lost my mum in may I still text every night at same time say love you catch it cause park of my routine I dont think something can ever get over but along you know how much she loved you an she want you to be strong for her I close eyes just give her a hug even if just in memory an still talk to her it still early you need to grieve in your own way be strong for her I so sorry for your loss

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I’m so sorry for your loss. I know you are right but I don’t know why it seems to be getting harder everyday I can’t talk about her without breaking down I can’t think about her without breaking down some days I just want to give up but I know I can’t.

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You allready know how much your mum loves you she wouldn’t want you to break down she want you to be strong I am a mum my self an I know if I ever died i want my kids to be strong for me all a mother wants is her child to be happy I know how you feel every time think about all happy times with my mum there feel like lump in my throat an cant help but cry because I give anything to talk to her again she was my best friend … but it still early an still be in shock it never get any easier you allways miss her but just try be strong an carry on with her love in your heart x

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Not a ramble at all - can identify with it very much. I lost my Mum in March and this week had a massive grief quake and am still feeling it. Endless tears, fear and sadness. As my Granddad said, if you can’t cry for your Mum who can you cry for? It comes from a place of love, remember that.

@Kelly75 you don’t have to move forward, you just need to be in these early dates. My friend calls it triage. Some days are keep hydrate and try to eat. If you can’t shower, wash your wash. Can’t wash up, wash a mug and those are “wins”.

People say things often in good faith but they aren’t helpful. Sometimes I let it slide, sometimes I let them know.

wishing everyone some gentle peace

Beki x


Channy sorry for your loss I know what you mean I’m a mum to 4 grown up children and I actually think they the only thing that keeps me going. Thankyou

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Beki thanks for your reply and again sorry for your loss I really am. The problem is unfortunately I not only lost my mom I lost everything I use to believe in so I no longer have faith. But I really hope it helps you get through your grief

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