My name is Catherine and my world has smashed up into nothing, since I lost my beautiful Dad.
He was both parents to me and my best friend.
I am struggling with life without him here and I am so broken, that nothing can fix me.
Since my Dad died, I decluttered all negatives from my life, including some friends, who turned out to be pretty horrible to me and also, certain family members, that do not mean well to me.
I am literally all on my own and just sat here alone at home, with a broken heart.
I’ve lost my smile, I’ve lost my way and I’ve lost the only thing that made any sense, my Dad.
I am seeing a bereavement counsellor now, but nothing can bring my Dad back. I have to believe he is watching over me and that I will see him again, otherwise I don’t see any point in this existence.
I cry daily and my light has blown out.
Hi @Fatherless sorry the grief for your Dad is bringing you so much heartache. It’s truly devastating to lose a much loved parent. Give yourself time to adjust to the loss and hopefully eventually you’ll feel more positive about your future. True, you will always have the grief but it won’t dominate your life so much. All you can do is keep moving forward, managing each day as best you can. Take care xx
I am just a broken reflection of my former self. Losing Dad is the biggest, cruelest heartache and nothing will hurt me this much again. I never knew I could feel so crushed, until the angels took my Dad.
x
@Fatherless bless you, yes it’s a crushing loss and you can only rebuild into another version of yourself. I have felt the same since losing my Mum nearly a year ago. It’s painful and as you say, can never be anticipated as being so devastating until it happens. The deep grief equates to the love that will never die… We continue to live and endure the pain of loss. Keep going, in honour of the love for your Dad. Best wishes, take care xx
I completly understand your pain, its like nothing ive ever experienced. The feelings are overwhelming and the emptiness is crippling. I too was very close to my dad, i lost him nearly a month now, it is devestating. I find taking each day at a time, and distraction helps, keeping busy. Ive never experienced such a deep emptiness since my dad passed, but i know he would want me to move forwards and continue my dreams. X
It’s like a big black hole of nothingness and a massive emptiness, that has cut through the heart.
I am so sorry for your loss too.
I hope we see our Dad’s again in time, when it’s our time, that they are will be there to greet us.
It’s all that keeps me going.
Trying to get my head round what’s happened, is almost impossible and coming into this year, when I want to be back in last year, when Dad was still here.
Every second is like torture, but like you, I try to distract myself.
Xx
I’m so sorry for the loss of your Mum, it’s heartbreaking and feels like nothing can ever fill the emptiness that now lives within us.
Sending lots of love to you.xx
I know that emptiness, I feel it too, and like you say it’s torture every day. I try to distract myself, but sometimes nothing works and nothing really helps. I do hope they wait for us. My sympathies for your loss. 
I’m sorry for your loss too. Nothing hurts like a loss of a close loved one.
I am just sat here at home in tears and it hurts hurts hurts. I hope they watch over us and wait for us, I really do hope that. I feel like I’ve been stripped of who I am, like I don’t know me anymore.
I have just become the sad upset shadow, of who I was and it really, really, cuts like a knife wound, on permanent repeat.
I just want to sleep and dream of Dad, or have visitation dreams from him.
I am surprised I have any tears left anymore and with next to no support, it’s a real real hit. I hope my Dad can read my messages in the spirit world. It was always just me and Dad. We were one and now he’s gone.
I send him frequent messages, most days and I know that probably sounds mad, but it’s like I am still communicating with him someway. I feel destroyed.
So so destroyed.
Such a cruel harsh life.
Just can’t stop crying.
Sending hugs and love to everyone who is suffering.
Xx
I recognise myself in almost every word. I just don’t know what to do when it hurts like that, I have these awful panic attacks and don’t want to do anything becuse it feels like all my nerves are on the outside and everything is painful. Here if you want to chat.
OMG I understand that totally, as I have been having panic attacks and I know I’ll come out of it, but it can happen at any time, or place and I know it’s the deepest darkest pain, that they come from and I have to ride it out. If I can’t manage to stop it, I just have to go with it.
It’s like an overwhelment gate-crashing every entire part of the body, like a shock from the shock of that makes sense.
I am glad you understand me and I can say I understand you to, if you are feeling the same way.
How do you manage your panic attacks and do they happen often?
Xx
It actually feels like I’m on the edge of panic attacks all the time as well as tears.
Xx
The pain itself feels like no other. I find myself on bad days crying till I’m empty. Then the extreme tirdness creeps in. I’m trying to keep focused, as i know my dear dad would want that. Its not easy, i know. Everything lately reminds me of my dad. I’ve only recently lost my dad, so im thinking will the bad days get easier and the good days become more frequent. All we can do is hope for the best
Precisely. Always on the edge. I have them every day now and sometimes it works to distract myself (browsing online, playing a game, going out) but mostly nothing works. It’s exhausting. Living alone makes it harder to cope as well. So sorry you’re suffering the same way.
Me too with the crying, I miss him so dreadfully. 
It’s fairly recent for me as well, so we’re in the worst of it. I’m sorry for your loss.
I feel exhausted too, must be all the crying. Sometimes I can’t sleep at night, as I am more fearful than ever before and maybe my bereavement counsellor was right, when he said, losing my Dad, has lost the security I had with him, leaving me to feel less secure, hence why I am so afraid of the nights. I live alone too and feel isolated. It’s amazing how some people distance themselves, while others, who are toxic, just prove themselves to be anything but a friend, or family member. I have had some shocking experiences from certain people who have shown their true colours, one of which, was trying to say she has problems too, money problems and that she doesn’t want to be my friend no more… She was unimpressed with me, because I wouldnt celebrate Christmas with her!! At first I said I would go, but then I said I can’t do it, I just can’t pretend to be ok. I gave her notice.
She sent me a letter to tell me, she doesn’t want to bother with me anymore. Better off without her!
Life has me at a cross roads now, but I feel like I’m spinning around, in a mad circle and I am just getting nowhere, other than in my own puddle of tears and sore eyes. It’s like an never ending rollercoaster, intact, I feel like I am on the traumatiser at full speed. I will never be the same again.
I can’t imagine I’ll ever find my smile again, it’s lost itself away from my face and now I am just a teary eyed sad face, trying to be brave, but when I am in the outdoor world, sometimes the grief just takes over and I can’t stop it.
I miss my Dad more than I ever imagined I would miss anything.
Xxx
We’re all here for you. It’s truly devastating. You’ve come to the right place xxx
I feel your pain you sound such a young age it hurts losing a loved one especially a parent knowing your not gonna see them again just know your dad will always be with you as you were really close friends dads never leave their little girls he’ll always guide and protect you through life grief is love with no place to go hold on to your memories I’m sending you love and healing here if you ever need to reach out xxx
Sorry for your loss too. Hope you are ok❤
I am glad I have come onto this site, where we are all in the same situations of trauma, loss, and sadness, where we can understand each other and talk.
I really hope my Dad is with me, watching over me, it’s what keeps me going and the thought I will see him again…
I just cannot get my head around the fact he passed away. It was and is a shock and always will be. I have had dream visitations from my Dad, saying he is always with me and he’ll see me again.
I am also here for you all too. All I want to do is sleep, in the hope I may have dreams of my Dad, because being awake is torture and a constant reminder he isn’t here anymore.
If I could have given him my heart, to keep his from failing, then I would have done. It was all so unexpected, to me anyway.
My poor Dad knew, that he was against the clock, but he wanted to protect me as long as he could and I get that.
Xx
Sending lots of hugs. It sounds about right that it’s the loss of security that creates the fear. I think it’s the reason for the panic attacks as well, we’ve lost an anchor that kept us grounded and now can’t find anything to hold on to anymore. Spinning, drifting, feeling untethered and apart from the rest of the world.
Sorry about your friend. It’s depressing how in times like these so many people disappoint you along the way.