I think it is time like this, when you know who is there for you and who isn’t.
It’s a real brutal learn, when the people you think might be there, are anything but that.
I am suffering alone, but this site gives me space to talk, with like minded and then I see a bereavement counsellor too.
Nothing seems to ease the pain though, it’s all so rore.
The only thing I have, is distractions and diversions, but then it all comes flooding back to surface and not much distracts me from the new reality, where I have become a faded figure of my former self.
Tears are the new me now.
Xx
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@Fatherless I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a Dad brings along a devastating ripple effect that permeates life as you knew it. Since my Dad died 10 months ago, I’ve had a constant nausea & anxiety which I can deviate from when I’m busy but I’m not even sure either is fading as I reach that fateful 1 year milestone. It’s not like an illness where you can see an end or start to feel better. I never thought I could miss anyone as much as this. I am glad I found this website tho as everyone “gets it” keep taking tiny steps to get thru a day. Steps back are ok too. There’s no one size fits all grief manual. X
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Thank you for your message.
It is just like the ultimate shock losing a Dad, when the closeness was 100% It is like a daily dose of the worst emotional pain and there is no medicine for this and it can’t ever be undone.
I don’t know how we all move forward from our losses, I don’t even want to. I just want to go backwards now, so that each day passing, will be going back in time, to be with them again. That is the only way I can feel happy again.
I feel like my life is just set, to be a sad existence now.
I really hope, that we are spiritual beings, having a human experience, because then, we will all meet our loved ones again and then we can be healed.
It has almost been 5 and a half months for me and I feel worse now. I don’t like the separation, the detachment and the massive void throughout my whole body.
There is no point to my life right now, I just sit at home most of the time, trying to lose myself in the TV.
I feel like I don’t know me anymore, now that Dad has gone.
The biggest part of my whole life was Dad and now I’m left to do this life thing alone and it’s crippling inside out.
People on this site get it, so thankful we have this, but the outside world just carry on their lives regardless, while our torture is on permanent repeat. Lots of love to you
Xx
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Think I need to get something to calm me, as I am too overwhelmed with everything. Just wanna sleep.
Xx
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Does going out for a walk help, at all? x
I know the feeling I have sleepers for evening I only take to sleep but my cat is my theraphy to help me sleep I can’t believe I’ll never see my partner fiancé again we didn’t even make a date for our wedding it hurts so much but losing a parent so young must be horrific I’m so sorry 
you are hurting
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I do go to the gym, but then I break down sometimes when I am there and I do get out for some air, but mostly at home.
Too overwhelmed.
xx
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I’m so sorry you lost your fiance, nothing can ever repair our losses.
There are no remedies to fix us, only hope that we find comfort on here.
xx
True and thank you his whole family turned against me I wasn’t even allowed to say goodbye x
That’s so sad and unfair. You will always have those beautiful memories you made together and no-one can take them away.
Xx
That is very true sad thing is I treated his youngest daughter like my own all because I collect things I shared and left at his i was branded a thief so unfair I just want closure
What about writing a letter of how you feel about it all, to get your emotions out and you don’t have to do anything with it, whether you keep it or not, it might just help a tiny bit.
Also, maybe have your own little memorial, with a balloon filled with a poem and letting it go. Maybe sharing your email address in a bottle with a letter of your loss and letting it out to sea, you never know who may find it and get back to you. I don’t know if any of that helps.
Xx
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@Fatherless I wish I could tell you it gets better or time helps but I honestly can’t. I feel further away from my Dad than ever & I’m still bouncing amongst the non-bereaved in my grief bubble. I can’t change what happened but I am working on changing how I react to it. It’s trial & error, processing trauma. Some things help, some don’t. Some have a shelf life, some are a temporary fix. I do understand your pain & I can empathise. Life is different now & we don’t want to accept nor embrace it. Xx
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Aww your so sweet he use to be part of a radio show being a DJ so I find some comfort listening to his shows and When I hear his voice makes me closer but also sad then the tears come thick and fast once my garden gets sorted I’ll have a memorial plaque for him as he was cremated and I wasn’t allowed any ashes either feel like I was a ghost for 3 years like I never existed to his daughter or family
It’s nice to have some memories of hearing his voice, to bring some comfort.xx
Yes it is and I have loads of pictures and memories no one can take that from me x
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A memorial plaque sounds a lovely idea for the garden.
I have all my Dad’s ashes in a grey teddy bear, so I can hug him, but it hurts hurts hurts that he’s gone. Nothing can ease the pain that the loss brings.
Xx
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I have boxes of Dad’s things and I can’t bring myself to look, one of them is full of photos.
Xx
Bless ya heart 
shame you haven’t anyone to be their for you when you want to look just take each day as it comes you’ll know when your ready to look at the photos xx
Yes, day by day is the only way to deal with our losses.
Xx