Thank you so much for your kind words
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Tim
It is so very difficult finding any sort of purpose in life. I put things in my diary to fill the hours. I go out because the house is so full of lovely and now sad memories. I see my friends who are lovely but they are carrying on with their lives whilst mine has stopped. I feel anxious most of the time, trying to deal with things we did together before, Mornings are the worst time for me when I wake up and remember Roger isnāt with me. Thinking of you too on this awful journey
Kate
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Hi Kate,
My friends are carrying on with their lives, as they should, but this makes me feel as if they think I should also be moving on too. For me the evenings and weekends are the worst - we would always go out somewhere both days of the weekend and now I find myself sitting alone and just wanting Tim with me. Others are busy over weekends, as we were, so I donāt feel comfortable intruding on their time and bringing my grief with me.
Iām trying to deal with all the things that have to be done to keep his house running and to move bills into my name, along with the wills (one here and one abroad).I feel very anxious and under pressure to ensure things are done correctly.
A friend asked me about that moment you wake just before you remember the awful situation weāre in. I said I donāt even have that brief moment as it is there as soon as I wake.
Take things slowly Kate, be kind to yourself and only do what you can. We all deal with this in differnt ways, and do the best we can.
Matt.
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Thank you Matt
Having another bad patch x
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I have just lost my partner of 32 years. He passed on Saturday , myself having spent the last week with him at the hospital 24 hours a day. I know itās only a few days but the thought of all the years ahead without him at my side is just unbearable. I keep having waves coming over me that are suffocating. Iām reaching out to friends and family by text as I sit here alone, not wanting to do anything at all . I feel in a daze . I realise this is normal and you all are going through this aswell but itās an emotion Iāve never experienced to this extent
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Hello Jonti,
Iāmn so sorry to hear of the loss of your partner so recently. I too spent much of the last week of my partners life with him at the hospital. I know that trying to picture a future without him seems unthinkable and impossibleā¦So many plans for your future together gone. My partner passed in March and Iām still experiencing overwhelming grief, feelings of isolation and hopelessness.
I think we have to lean to live with what is now our new reality and try our best to honour our lost loved ones by making the best of ourselves. This is much easier said than done - I tell myself this, but in reality Iām still lost and not sure how I will continue.
Things will, over time, get easier. Our loss will never leave us and we will carry it with us forever, but we will learn to cope and, in time, remember the good times with a warm smile and full heart. I try to remember that not everyone is lucky enough to have had such love in their lives and that although my beautiful man is gone, he left behind a better person and more love than many ever experience.
Please take your time, donāt be hard on yourself and know that others care. You will feel alone and lost and thatās OK - I still do. We are on a long and unwanted journey; a path unique to us, but trodden by many before us. You will make it and others will want to help - let them, you donāt have to do this alone.
Please take care of yourself, try to eat and sleep when you can. People here are kind and although not there in person are here to listen.
With love and hope to you.
Matt x
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Hi Kate,
Iām sorry to hear youāre having another bad day. They come and go, but are never far from the surface and can be overwhelming. Iām sending you strength and love today and if youād like a chat please let me know. We are all here to support each other in the most difficult situation.
With love to you.
Matt x
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Thanks for responding to me Matt. Everyone is offering so much support but that doesnāt detract from the fact that I am now alone. As you rightly say, it is path we do not want to tread. There is nothing we can do about it. Itās not just the present but the future. We were moving to the coast together and are due to complete the purchase shortly. It makes it so much more difficult for me because those specific plans for the future will have to change even if it just means I move alone .
Itās good to be able to make contact with someone experiencing the same issues
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Hi Jonti,
Thank you for your reply.
The realisation that we are now alone is so difficult to process and, for me at least, very frightening. I read Richad Coles book about losing his partner and one part hit me hard and related to our plans for the future. They are gone, all of them. Losing a partner is hard enaogh as it is, but our planned future is gone too.
Iām so ssorry to hear that you were close to moving when you lost your partner and now have to deal with all this brings alone. We had plans too; we were going to spend six months here during the summer and six months in our apartment somewhere warmer. I can, like you, do this alone but it has lost its appeal now.
I hope this isnāt an unwanted question, and Iām sure itās difficult to know right now, but would moving somewhere new in a different house help? I can move to my partners old house. Some friends think it may help as I have never lived there, but Iām still not sure.
I still strugle with spending so much time alone, so I feel your pain.
If youād like a chat or just someone to talk at please let me know. We are all here for each other.
Take care and sending love to you.
Matt x
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Today I have to go and register his death. Itās one more horrendous step on a journey I have no control over. Iām sitting here still unable to focus. My mind was all over the place last night with weird dreams about unconnected things.
I read Richard Coles book some time ago aswell. It might be helpful to read it again.
Itās the suffocation that keeps coming over me like waves. Nothing ever was certain but it seems as though nothing ever will be now. Itās like the nightmare will never end.
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Hi Jonti,
Is there anyone who can go with you to register his death? I went with my sister-in-law and it really helped me to have someone else there. It was something I was dreading, but the registrar made it as easy as possible.
Difficulty sleeping and strange dreams are to be expected. You have experienced a major trauma; your body and mind are trying to comprehend and adjust to this shock.
It will get easier, but not quickly. We will all have to live with this forever and it is now part of who we are. Just try to remember the good times, Feel lucky you and your partner found each other and shared such love. Iām trying to do what my partner would have wanted and to keep going. I owe him that.
Wishing you strength today and sending you love.
Matt x
I have a friend who is going with me. I am dreading it but itās got to be done .
I am finding it so comforting though to be talking to you and knowing that what I am going through is something you have and continue to experience.
Thankyou for being there.
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Hi Jonti,
Iām glad to hear youāre not going alone. There a so many āadminā tasks like this that have to be done at a time when we are at our worst.
Iām so gald that you are finding some comfort in sharing your grief on here. We donāt have to do this alone and many on here can offer their thoughts and experiences.
Take it steady and be kind to yourself.
Matt x
Hello jonti. This is going to be hard because you are so raw and full of grief, things wonāt register really with yourself. You are going to do the hardest thing you have ever done and my heart goes out to you 
. You will be in my prayers. Iām nearly three months into my loss , itās not better but easier. I will never get over her and I truly hope that there is another part to end of life so I can Se and hold her once again. So keep well and love and prayers to you. Dave.
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Thanks for reaching out to me Dave. Itās been another difficult day but Iāve got through it. Itās time for the funeral director tomorrow.
We will see our loved ones again. I know we will. It doesnāt make it any easier though while we wait I suppose.
I am gaining some comfort in a way from talking on here.
Thankyou
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Thank you so much Matt. You are very kind.
I am still trying to fill my days . I am shattered some days but the ache is still there. I come back to the house and immediately put on the radio so there isnāt the deafening silence. How are you doing ?
Kate xx
Hi Matt
I read the Richard Colesā book - very moving, Roger and I had made plans but I donāt have any at the moment - just getting by is challenging enough. Happy to chat if you would like to
Kate xx
Still trying to make sense of all thatās happening. Had a difficult time yesterday beginning to sort out funeral arrangements. Thereās so much to think about there. What music, what words., which photos? How do I make sure everyone knows? My mind is all over the place.
I know it will all work out ok in the end but I did not want to be having to do all this in the first place at this stage . Itās awful.