I lost my wife on the evening of January 06th 2023.
She had been receiving treatment for cancer and all was going exactly to plan.
This was the second time of having cancer after successfully being treated a few years ago. I was so proud of how brave she was all through her treatment and never once complained.
In early December she started to become ill with what appeared to be flu. It got steadily worse and worse and on Wednesday 21st of December ended up in hospital as she was feeling a bit short of breath.
I thought she would only be there for a day or so and all would be well and she’d be home for Christmas.
But she got progressively worse.
We were both so sad that we missed Christmas Day but hoped she’d be home for new year so we could share a belated Christmas.
But sadly she had to be moved to intensive care. It was then I was told exactly how serious things had become.
She was critically ill with pneumonia.
After a few days the doctor decided she needed to be put on a ventilator to give her the best chance of recovery. The short conversation we had the evening before she was sedated was heartbreaking and way too short but we were never going to have enough time to say all that we wanted to say.
The doctors tried everything they possibly could but despite their best efforts I was told, on the evening of Wednesday January 04th that nothing else could be done, her lungs were too badly damaged and there had been no improvement.
She was allowed to pass away peacefully on the evening of January 06th the whole family was with her at the very end which gave us all some comfort.
She was loved by so many people.
A huge space has been left in so many peoples lives.
My wife, my best friend, my soulmate.
I’m truly heartbroken.
I am so sorry to hear that you have lost your beloved wife. It is so painful to lose our closest loved one and I have realised after losing my darling husband last April, it is pain like no other loss.
I hope you will have support from those around you as you begin your journey of grief. You will find many people on here who will be here for you too.
Sending you love. xxx
@Syncrog60 I am so so sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here.
I lost my wife to cancer on 2nd September 2022 so whilst I am a few months down this road, I do know how you feel, as will everyone else who reads your post. It’s so very early at the moment and you will be feeling very raw with every emotion and shock. But let these out and don’t bottle anything up. There is no easy fix for any of this, do you have friends and family for support? They will offer help but make sure you ask them as well as most folks are kind and want to help but as they haven’t experienced anything like this, won’t know what to say or do. There is also lots of on line help.
And whilst it is very hard and you probably feel numb as well as on autopilot at times, please make sure you try to look after yourself as much as you can.
Myself and my daughter were with my wife when she passed and whilst it was the worst moment ever, I know that she is no longer in that awful pain or feeling so ill and the people who loved her the most and who she loved the most were with her so it is a degree of comfort. Plus, I know she will be around us both forever and with us as we carry her in our hearts and always will, as you will with your wife although that’s little comfort at this time.
Sending you strength.
Thankfully I do have support from family and close friends.
It has helped a little.
Thank you so much
Thank you for your kind reply.
I’m finding the emotion comes in waves. Sometimes I’m ok then all of a sudden I feel crushed.
The morning after her passing I woke up and for brief few seconds the world seemed fine.
Then all of a sudden it hit me. It felt like a huge weight had landed on me and I could barely move.
I do hope that given time I will be able to learn without her by my side.
At the moment I’m finding it very, very hard.
So sorry for your loss. I lost my partner 4 months ago. I’m finding grief such an overwhelming emotion. I wish I could say I feel better.
I think the first week is the worse as the realisation sets in. I write things down and meditate.
Meditation helps me feel close to him.
Talk to people who understand. I only just joined here this morning. I feel the need to connect with people going through the same emotions.
As grateful I am to my family and friends, they don’t understand.
@Syncrog60 these forums are good at telling everyone how you feel and no one should judge you. How we all deal with this is an individual matter.
It’s been 4 months now and I’ve just gone back to work, they were very supportive and continue to be, I couldn’t ask for more from them as they have been brilliant.
I still get those crushing moments. Maybe a little time between them now but still come along, memories hit me hard and I try to keep the bad ones of her last weeks away but that is difficult. There will be a lot of practical stuff for you to do which isn’t nice but it dies distract you a bit, well that’s what I found. But mornings and evenings are the worst, the silence of an empty house is deafening sometimes. We have a 17 year old daughter who is coping ok, we have both signed up for counselling.
But what I try to remember is that I loved her very much and she loved me very much. She was 50 like me and we had been together for 28 years, married for 25. Whilst we didn’t sit around like young teenagers looking into each others eyes all the time, I know that there is unspoken love between us and always will be as we had planned to spend all our time together and the way that our family life was worked on every level whether it was holidays, days out or just being at home around each other as happy normal life is.
Just do things at your own pace and talk about your wife as much as you want. I do, friends of mine and of hers come over and we talk about my wife and remember the good times. It keeps her alive.
@Syncrog60 I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. I’m 7 weeks gone when my partner died & my mother was only saying yesterday I’ve literally cried everyday since. Like everyone says the pain never goes away but I’m hoping it eases & I can learn to live with it.
My thoughts are with you
Even though I only joined a few hours ago the replies are giving me a little comfort.
Even though the emotions are beyond words knowing that you all know how I feel is some small help.
So sorry you are also on this grief journey but glad you have joined us here. We do at least understand more of what each other is going through. This loss of my beloved husband is unlike any grief I have known before and makes me realise and feel ashamed of how little I did for others I know who are in this position.
I hope you find some comfort here and some peace in your heart. xxx
Keep messaging as even writing things can help.
The forum is a supportive place but I know I have missed messages from some people for a long time sometimes. Not sure the mechanics of the system is that easy.
To anyone who’s messages I’ve missed responding to, I’m sorry.
Sending love to all. xxx
@Syncrog60 - I am so very sorry to hear about your wife’s death - this is so difficult and hard. You and your family surrounded her with love as she died and that is what matters - she knew she was loved. I was with my husband when he died and was able to talk to him and hold his handing, helping him to go safely and gently - as you did for your wife. While Tom has gone and I am alone now, I feel his presence very close and when I am feeling at my lowest, somehow he manages to let me know that he is there. I hope you will have the same experience. True, deep, beautiful love does not just stop, it continues on. Hold on, my friend, hold on. For me, things are getting easier, slowly but surely. Everyone’s experience is different but I have found it easier to bear, as the months have rolled past. It will be ok.
@Syncrog60 everything is so raw for you and I am so sorry that you have to join this exclusive club of those of us who have lost the love of our life, soul mate, best friend and purpose for living.
Please believe we can all empathise with the heartbreak you are going through - we all feel the same in our own way. My beloved Mark died suddenly a month to the date today and my tears have flowed freely and my heart hurts beyond measure - but I know he is with me and I am soothed and comforted by sensing his presence.
I hope you gain reassurance and support through this site - we are all here to be with each other and help each of us along this road we would never choose to travel.
You are cared for.
Beautifully put. Here, here. x
I keep my wife alive in my heart and you can too.
“As long as you both shall live.”
I also found that watching ‘Afterlife’ helped. I’m so very sorry for your loss. I lost my wonderful husband of 37 years on the 10th November. Everything since then has felt unreal - like I’m not really here. Big cuddle to you xx. Jean.
Today will be the first proper day back at our house.
Being here on my own is overwhelming.
But I have plenty of things to do over the next few days to keep my mind occupied.
The house just seems so empty.
@Syncrog60 - many of us on here will recognise where you are and how it feels. We are with you. Keep posting if you need a chat or a virtual hug as you do your chores there. In time, over time, the house will feel better. Just push through this morning as best you can. Hold tight.
I just read your post. My eyes welled up. Your story is not a million miles away from mine. My wife died in September from cancer. She too was not only my soul mate and wife but the best friend I’ve ever had. Do you find that although you know it’s happened, you find it impossible to digest? Disbelief that this could actually happen?
Nobody will ever know how you feel because how could anyone ever know how someone else feels? What we both know though is how horrendous the loss feels and how sorry we feel for our beautiful wives who’s lives have been stolen. It’s so very wrong and so very unfair.
My wife, Nicci was the most positive person I’ve ever met and the strongest person I ever met. When I feel at a loss, I just ask myself “what would Nic do?”. I try to focus on her strength and in turn try to be more like her. I find it does give me strength.
Oh my friend it is so horrendous to lose your wife,I lost mine to cancer 27/9/21 she fought and fought to stay with us but lost her battle in the end.My grief continues every day,I miss her more each day,my thoughts are with you. Michael.