Had a busy few days.
First I took down all of the Christmas decorations that alone was hard.
Then I had to face opening all of our presents, Iād been dreading that. I just couldnāt face it before.
Also, realising that it wasnāt going to get easier I pushed myself to open the Christmas card from my wife. That was so painful. I cried and cried. Itās a beautiful card. Ive decided to keep it out on display for a while along with my card to her.
I shall treasure them both.
This was meant to be the first Christmas since moving house in January last year.
We were so looking forward to it.
Yesterday I started the paperwork side of things. Contacting the hospital bereavement office and arranging the register office appointment.
Then thereās the task of tackling changing details on the mundane things like utility bills.
I quickly started to feel overwhelmed by the whole thing but slowly made progress.
I knew this wasnāt going to be easy but it was made especially difficult as yesterday , 10th January, was the third anniversary of loosing my mom.
Iām finding it difficult to concentrate at the moment due to all of the emotions Iām feeling.
I know Iāve got to do it though.
@Syncrog60 - you are having a tough time and loads of us on here will recognise where you are standing in your grief and in the process of all that administration. It is the most awful double-whammy. I found it worked to nibble away at the paperwork - setting small targets each day - so one email to one provider, one call to another and that was it. Spending time outdoors, in the fresh air, helped - walking, breathing deeply, taking in little sights like a flower or a bird, helped me to stay grounded. You have got this, you will get through it. I am nearly 1 year in now, and each day, it gets that tiny bit easier to bear. Hold on and good luck today x
@Syncrog60
Just in case you didnāt know, thereās a government service online called āTell us onceā. Itās basically a one stop department where you inform of someoneās death. They then pass the details to every government and local government department tbat deal with things such as passports, driving licence, tax, benefits etc. I found it a big help because as it states, you just tell one department once and they inform all departments. Hope this helps.
@Mike7
The Tell Us Once leaflet is on the table for me to do today - like you say its a great help to not have go over things time and again.
I have also just received the Bereavement Benefit which was very easy to claim and such kind and reassuring department to deal with.
Yes we have all been there ,very good advice from Vancouver.Lost my dear wife 16 months ago ,not going to say I am any better because I am not.I still hurt so much ,life without her never the same again. Much love Michael x
Yes, tell us once was excellent. Sadly DVLA are a nightmare. Informed them, SORNed the farm truck which I changed into my name.
I didnāt want to change the driving school car into my name as I was going to sell it but could neither insure it (it had dual controls so a modification) nor SORN it as you can only SORN vehicles you own. Eventually I found out there is a department which deals with bereavement situations but I never heard back from them after contacting them.
Even sending info in the same envelope for various vehicles, one was dealt with fine whereas I never heard about the other. I had to write to my MP, whoās office very tellingly said they deal with a lot of these situations with DVLA.
My reason for contacting him was to try and stop this happening once and for all. They just dealt with mine with no attempt to make it better and fit for purpose.
This hits hard to me i wont go into destails but it rings true to my journey with my wife last june, its gets no easier, people say times a great healer, Those two words should NEVER be used in the same sentence, it should be time and cope, you will neber heal, all the very best of luck with you journey 
i feell your loss and i know to well your pain 
Most kind regatds
Ian
Iām worried that Iām only getting through the day at the moment because Iām making arrangements and preparations.
My head is too full to think too much.
What happens when itās all finished? 
I know this probably isnāt the right time to say this but it is only through reading what you have put it has made me realise when my late father passed away in October 2008 my mother never felt like that, or a least she never said anything about her loss and I honestly feel looking back it would be better to feel how you do than to have felt the way she had. They were very stiff upper lip, put on a brave front type of people and I now see that is fare worse for anyone to loose someone with those circumstances and not ever loved the way you and your wife loved each other. Thank you for sharing that with us, take care and may the love and strength from your family help you through the next weeks and months ahead.
Syncrog60
I feel your pain. Its such early days for you. The fact you have found this group is a lifeline. Only people who have lost a partner really understand ive found.
I lost my Husband 11 weeks ago. He tripped over and broke 4 ribs. He was in hospital waiting for an operation to pin them. I visited him and he was in lots of pain and a bit out of it on painkillers but it wasnt life threatening. Then just after i had left on the 4th night i got a phone call to return. He had got complications, had a cardiac arrest, a perforated bowel and possible sepsis. I raced back to the hospital and he was sedated on a ventilator. After 2 operations and 4 days of up and down prognosis they said there was nothing more they could do. I never got the chance to talk to him about dying. We never knew there was any danger of it.
So i feel quite numb but ive got to say that it is a bit easier than the 1st few weeks. Lean on your family and friends and try and eat if you can.
Be kind to yourself and realize some days will be really hard but some days will be easier.
There are so many of us in this horrible situation and i never understood it before.
I hope you are ok.
Jane
Be prepared for a slump after the funeral. Its true that after focusing on that when its done you feel very empty.
I had a small scatter box of some of Mikes ashes. I booked to go to Plymouth on my own for new year. It was our special place. I scattered the ashes just after midnight. It helped me to have something booked to concentrate on.
Now im trying to arrange a night out with a friend or a meal with my Daughter or something else every week so i have something to focus on.
Gradually your new life becomes your new normal. Im still fighting it but i understand that time will help in some way.
My heart goes out to you my friend. Itās the worse feeling you can ever have. I lost my dear husband in November, very suddenly. He died cuddled in my arms. Iām so sorry for your loss and hope you can find comfort from somewhere. Itās Saturday morning and I find the weekends awfully hard to bear. All the mundane stuff of life we did now seem the happiest times ever, and the happiest times we had are golden and treasured memories. The house though is empty and I canāt imagine what the future holds. Iām told these are all normal things people feel after losing a partner but nothing can prepare you for the awful pain. What can we do, just take one day at a time, one minute at a time and sometimes just one second at a time. I know youāre broken hearted and crushed. Please accept my sincere condolences and prayers for some kind of healing. 
@Mike7 I totally get what you say. My darling sweetest Sharon passed in May. She is everything to me - best friend, soulmate, lover, strength, gives me purpose; but now sheās not here.
I canāt get the reality that she has gone: every time I start to realise this is real, my brain shuts down (according to the experts looking after me) to protect myself.
But now, Iāve realised I never accepted my girl was even ill. We both simply refused to acknowledge it.
@Syncrog60 I totally understand. Same journey, but longer.
My darling wife was dealing with pancreatic and liver cancer: she refused to Surrender and had 40 chemo sessions. On 20th December 21 I had to take her to A&E as she kept being sick, so we assumed some anti-emetic maybe with hydration - and weād spend Christmas together. She never came home again - on Christmas Morning we transferred her to hospice in an ambulance. In fact I stayed at her bedside 24/7 for 5 months while she refused to accept how ill she was. Love her.
Her dressing table is as she left it, her clothes untouched - how can she be gone? Thatās not possible.
Hi DennisS ,this is my story as well,my dear wife Judith had stage 4 bladder cancer,7 weeks in hospital after loads of chemo,every pain killing drug you could think of and then finally they moved her to a hospice and 4 days later she was gone from.I could not handle watching her pass away like that.My wifeās things are as they were when she left that night in the summer of 2021 ,all her perfumes and clothes just as they were.I cannot bear to part with anything.That day 27th September 2021 at 2.15pm destroyed my life ,how can you ever get over something like losing a wife or partner. We all grieve together now. Michael x
I think I was the same with my husband, we were told there was a high chance the cancer would return, my answer to that was āthe cancer may not come back!ā when we were told 2-4 months, my answer to that was āthe doctors arenāt god, it could be a year!ā
My husband bless him listened to me & believed what I said, it was an awful shock when he passed away 5 days later, I was beyond shocked & now realise I hadnāt acknowledged what was going on because I just couldnāt face losing him, if I could speak to him now I think heād say āwell i didnāt see that coming!ā.
Morning to all my friends on here today and every day,I know that I may have said this before but please bear with me for a while,they say that you do not know what you have until you lose it and that is how I feel every day now,losing Judith my reason for being has destroyed me and now I have to watch my Daughter falling apart,the love they shared was amazing.They were like one person.Her life now in tatters as is mine.We share the same thoughts and memories ,share the same grief and heartache.The huge black hole that Judith left behind can never be repaired or filled.I was not prepared for this and I guess it is the same for all of you.We who are left behind have to live in darkness now.I have had my 3 score and ten and a few more besides but what is there now for me and for all of you.They tell us that it gets better or time heals what rubbish.After 16 months of this nightmare nothing for me has changed.This platform gives me the chance to vent my feelings and to be able to read all of your posts describing how you all are feeling .So as I enter my second year as a very sad and unhappy widower I want to thank you all for the wonderful support you all have given me. Much love Michael xx
@Mickeyboy31 - sending you loads of love, my friend. We all understand, we all walk through the dark days, aware of the huge absence our loved ones have left. Our love for them, and theirs for us, continues always.
Hi lovely reply thank you. Michael x