My dad passed away and I’m only young

Hi,

My father recently passed away after battling with a primary brain tumour for a short period of time (diagnosed feb 2020, passed away may 2020). I am only 22 and never thought I’d have to go through the loss of a parent at such a young age. I feel like I have been robbed off so much time and memories with my dad. I cry every time I realise he will never see me get married or have children, or qualify to be a lawyer. None of my friends have lost a parent so I have no one to talk to. I am struggling to cope and this really is my last resort. Please can someone help me with advice on how to cope? I’m trying to cope the best I can but it’s just so hard. All I can think about is him and how much I miss him. He was my rock and helped me with everything, he was all I had and now it’s been taken away from me. Please can someone give me advice? :sweat:

Marie x

Hi,
Marie,
I lost my Mum in 2017 when i was 34 years old,and my Stepdad whom was like my real dad, last year in 2019,it is coming up to both their birthdays in the forth coming months and the anniversaries of both there passing’s,it hurts me to much to say the d word. It hasn’t even been a year yet since my Dad passed away. I have no choice but too keep going for my 13 year old son,on top of that i am unable to work due to health issues,and have virtual no other family support,and no partner. My honest advice is to find something,anything that would keep your mind busy,i have very low moments,but i just distract myself by the tv,or take a rest. I have to live with what has happened,knowing that one day,i will see my Mum and Dad again. Hope this helps,Take Care,Lucy,xxx

I am so very sorry and I can remember very clearly when my dad went and keeping busy helped. We were about to go aboard to work and had two small children. I have looked on here for others of your age who lost their fathers and most seem to be about mothers. You may be better looking locally for organisations and see what they can offer. Crying is natural and feeling that lost feeling is to be expected and life will seem all wrong, with time things improve, we love our dads so much and like you my dad was always there for me. Take care of yourselves and don’t be hard on yourself.

Hi again, just seen another post which is similar but it’s a grandad from Sammie20. It may help you, I do hope so. Bless you.
I am struggling after losing my grandad.

Hi. Marie. Any so called advice you get at the moment may not help. It is such a short time ago and the wound is still raw. It does heal but leaves a scar. You will never forget, but you may have happier memories later. Now the old adage comes in here, ‘one day at a time’. You will cope, we all do, but it’s hard going at times.
Friends can help and so can relatives, but only if they have some understanding of grief, and that can only come about by having been there. HE will see all the things you talk about because HE has not gone far away. His physical presence may not be here but HE still is. You now have someone to talk to. US!! Everyone here knows and understands. You will grieve in your own way, and allow emotions to come. There is never any shame in expressing emotions. No time limit applies and there are no rules. You will do this in your own way as we all do. But comfort is always possible if only a bit, and little bits add up to big bits!
Take care and please come back and talk. John.

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Hi

Sorry for your loss-
My husband died suddenly last August on the day we found out he had a brain tumour. Leaving me with a 14 and 13 year old daughters - so I feel your pain through their eyes- and my own. He, like your father to you was our everything- and each day one of us is struggling- it’s true no one should experience this so young - it’s heartbreaking… I’d definitely recommend some counselling- to help you begin to process your grief - we are nearly a year along this path and receiving help… we try to focus on the love and memories we have and not so much on what we ve lost ( it’s not easy) we also talk to him still in our own way… my eldest , now 15 writes him letters and puts them in a diary- she tells him about her life and chats about everything day things - I just talk out loud whenever I need too … everyone is different- I hope you have friends and family supporting you- best wishes xx

Hi Marie,

I think this post is an older one so I’m sorry I’m only just seeing this.

There’s a few things you said that I can definitely relate to.

I lost my dad at age 24 (2 years ago) he was only 55. It was very sudden and traumatic for me and my family to deal with.

2 years on, I don’t actually have a lot of friends anymore, I don’t feel like the friends I used to speak to all the time really understand the complexities of grief and what I’ve been going through, I lost my dad in July 2019 and only had a couple of friends support me at the wake. That’s always something I’ve thought about a lot. Who was there for me in the darkest times of my life, and we weren’t or maybe still aren’t.

I used to get upset thinking about events I wasn’t being invited too, thinking they haven’t invited me because I’m now the sad one or the one who brings up depressing topics, but that’s because that is my life now, I have these dark experiences and unfortunately they cannot relate to these.

I no longer feel like I need to keep up these relationships anymore, hoping that they will get to some sort of place where I feel normal again. I have rekindled friendships with primary school friends that kept reaching out to check on me, friends who make me forget about the dark stuff, and just enjoy life with! I went from having so many messages on my phone from so many friends from uni, football mates etc etc to having 1 or 2 messages a week and it’s honestly been so much better for me mentally…

I rambled there but the amount of friends that are there really doesn’t matter its having a couple of really genuine decent friends that look out for you and want to be there in those dark moments.

I hope you are well and doing okay since you posted.
Thanks for sharing!

Jess

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