I think this post is an older one so I’m sorry I’m only just seeing this.
There’s a few things you said that I can definitely relate to.
I lost my dad at age 24 (2 years ago) he was only 55. It was very sudden and traumatic for me and my family to deal with.
2 years on, I don’t actually have a lot of friends anymore, I don’t feel like the friends I used to speak to all the time really understand the complexities of grief and what I’ve been going through, I lost my dad in July 2019 and only had a couple of friends support me at the wake. That’s always something I’ve thought about a lot. Who was there for me in the darkest times of my life, and we weren’t or maybe still aren’t.
I used to get upset thinking about events I wasn’t being invited too, thinking they haven’t invited me because I’m now the sad one or the one who brings up depressing topics, but that’s because that is my life now, I have these dark experiences and unfortunately they cannot relate to these.
I no longer feel like I need to keep up these relationships anymore, hoping that they will get to some sort of place where I feel normal again. I have rekindled friendships with primary school friends that kept reaching out to check on me, friends who make me forget about the dark stuff, and just enjoy life with! I went from having so many messages on my phone from so many friends from uni, football mates etc etc to having 1 or 2 messages a week and it’s honestly been so much better for me mentally…
I rambled there but the amount of friends that are there really doesn’t matter its having a couple of really genuine decent friends that look out for you and want to be there in those dark moments.
I hope you are well and doing okay since you posted.
Thanks for sharing!