I am really struggling at the moment without my Dad. It has been 4 years now since he died but it does not get any easier. I have recently decided to train to be a midwife and I know that he would be so supportive of my decision but I am scared to tell my Mum as she has been the person throughout my life who has told me that I am not clever enough to peruse my dream of being a midwife. How do I tell her this is what I really want to do without my Dad there to make me feel good about it?
You chase your dream lovely, your Dad will be watching over you and be so proud of what you are going to achieve in the future. Don’t listen to negativity you know you can do it
Hi V, thank you for your message I don’t think you know how much I appreciate it right now. I just wish he was here because he was literally the only person in my life who really cared about me and wanted me to do my best. Who can I confide in now that he is gone… My mum has always made my life so hard but at least when he was here I had a balance but now it is just her and I have no one I wanted him to see me get married and have children but he will never see any of that and he did nothing bad to deserve to miss it
It’s awful isn’t it, having the one person who truly understood you taken away leaving you feeling lost and alone. It’s fear of the future without him that makes it all so scary but you have got through four years without your Dad so you have done amazingly well. Think how far you have come since the early days and how you have got through it. There is a thread on here for people who have lost a parent so maybe they would be of more help to you. I am here because I lost my husband suddenly in November and my Mum 3 weeks before that so a double whammy but I am still here to tell the tale even though I don’t know how I manage at times.
Chat to others on here and you will see you are not alone they are an amazing bunch and very supportive and encouraging.
Sending you positive thoughts
It is so dreadful I am so lost without him! Oh my gosh! Do you mind me asking how you lost your husband and do you have any children? I am so sorry! Loosing people is just the worst!
Hubby was always healthy and active then we went to Cyprus for my Birthday and he said he didn’t feel well by the time we got home he just went downhill and was admitted to hospital where he was to get an MRI scan to see what the problem was but on the morning they were talking him for it he took a massive heart attack and they tried for 37 minutes to bring him back but it was not to be Mum had passed away when we were on holiday. She was 88 and not in good health so not totally unexpected. I was her main carer for the last 2 years and devastated I was not with her at the end. My husband colin was such a shock, he was 67 and we had so many plans for our retirement that have now been snatched away. I have no kids, Colin had 2 daughters it was second time round for us both we were only married 10 years and thought we would have another 20. I am lucky I have brilliant family and friends who are amazing support . I also have a wee dog who is my reason for getting up in the morning. My future with Colin has gone so I am trying to rebuild my life without him but it is hard as you know XX
Wow my gosh I am so sorry to hear that! It’s is awful when you are not expecting it and I’m sorry you didn’t get to spend your retirement with him! My mum has 2 dogs and they are everything to her so I do understand! You sound like such an incredible person so well done for being able to cope you are a massive inspiration! Keep going!
Thank you Lou what a nice thing to say. I do try even though it can be hard going some days as you know.
I wish you a day of strength and positivity
I’m stating the obvious here. When you study something, you are slowly building knowledge,
You could just start to train and tell your Mum later. Focus upon what you want to achieve. For most people studying is not easy. It takes time and effort, but if you are interested in a subject, then it can be very pleasurable. I studied with the Open University, but not midwifery.
“A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step” Chinese proverb.
Take that step in the direction you want to go in. Never mind what other people think, even if it is a loved one. Often people can project their own ideas and fears.
When I started studying with the university, the number of students who said they had negative feedback from loved ones was huge. I also had people who were very negative around me.
If you do decide to study, there is a very small, simple and basic book called “Brilliant writing tips for students” by Julia Copus. It’s a pocket guide.
In very plain english, it reminds one about punctuation and a little bit of grammar. It takes about half an hour to read and it grave me a small head start. (I probably should sit down again to remind myself of some of it. )
Follow your dream…
Have you thought of writing to your mum to tell her what you have decided to do? Actually it has nothing to do with her, my mum, all those years ago, was very dismissive of any plans which I might have wanted to do. When I was in the last year at school, we had a lecture given by a qualified nurse, I was convinced that this was what I wanted to do. I arrived home from school that day and I told my mum that I was going to look into training, very witheringly she answered, “Don’t think that you could be a nurse, Mary, you are not the type”. That was that I finished up working in the Borough Treasury in our Town Hall. I loved that job, thank goodness so maybe it turned out right in the end. Just do it loulie and good luck. x
Dear loulie, I’m with everyone else who has responded to you. It’s good for the mind to have ambition and focus. You go for it girlie. Your dad will be so proud of you.
You can be whatever you want to be Loulie never let anyone let you you can’t no matter who it is. Your Dad is with you all the time and he will be so proud of you pursuing your dream. You go for it and prove how successful you can be and will be. When it comes down to it it is your life to do what you want with it. Take care xx
Hi @loulie.94, I’m sorry for liking that comment above but your words are my own, in every single detail! I’m so sorry you lost your Dad, I lost mine 6 months on Sunday and I have no idea how I managed this far. I can see by your username that you’re two years younger than I so will completely understand what it’s like to lose a parent young. All the things you said you wanted him there for are my feelings exactly. Like you, my Dad was my total best friend. He had emphysema and I became a wee carer for him the last few years, bringing him stuff and visiting a few times a week. We had such an unconventional relationship, it’s what made us so close cause he was so open with me about everything. I’m his mini me too, we are so alike. I miss him more than anything, it’s an indescribable pain isn’t it? Pure despair. Also same as you, but I don’t have the same support from Mum - she speaks to me when she can be bothered. I’m sorry you know how that feels. Tell me about your Dad! What was he like? My inbox is always open to you if you want to speak to someone who understands.
You chase your dreams. Your Dad will always be with you, love never dies. You’ll continue to do him proud throughout the rest of your life until we’re reunited.
Love to you x