Hi @kelzshand13, Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your dad, as well as your cousin and your gran. That is a huge amount to deal with in a few years, and the impact of other family members not speaking to you must be making you feel very alone at the moment.
There is no set timeline on grief, but not being able to talk about your feelings or having any support are some of the things that can make it last longer. It’s never to late to get some support, and I’m glad that you’ve taken the first step of writing things down here. I hope it helps a little bit to have this space to get things off your chest.
There are lots of other people here who have lost a parent, and will understand some of what you are going through. I expect some of them will be along to reply to your post soon, but, while you wait, you might also find it helpful to read some of the other conversations in the Losing a Parent category, to see what other people’s experiences have been. Feel free to post replies to anyone you’d like to talk more to.
For example, here are some other users who are coping with the loss of a parent longer-term:
@Lisajan3 lost her mum three years ago: Lost my mum and can’t seem to move on
@loulie.94 lost her dad four years ago: My Dad
Have you considered any counselling? Counselling can’t take away your loss, but it can help you process what has happened so that you no longer feel stuck in those repeating memories of the day he died.