To the heartbroken and lonely…
Being in the devastating circumstances that I find myself in, I have a lot of thinking time. I have just been staring out of the window on this grey and rainy day… which very much reflects how I feel… so very, very sad. I was thinking how, knowing our situation and what we’re going through, (my beautiful soulmate is receiving end of life care for terminal cancer) nobody (friends) has bothered to ask - in a genuine way - how we are, or to show any authentic or genuine concern. I texted a work friend, poured my heart out to her, explaining some of the heartbreaking, devastating and gruesome details of what my darling sweetheart is going through… she replied… “it’s lovely to hear from you”… really??? There was nothing lovely about anything I said… it’s heartbreaking, life shattering and traumatic… not lovely! Affirmation, if ever I needed it, of what I already know… NOBODY can or wants to feel your pain, suffering, or loneliness. At the end of the day… we are on our own, with our own pain, our own grief, our own sadness and our own loneliness. People are generally only interested in the good stuff and the good times… anything else gets pushed to one side and forgotten about, regardless of how good you have been to them in the past. That is why me and my darling sweetheart were always so happy and content with each other. We were both wise enough and “switched-on” enough to know and understand that we couldn’t depend on, or rely upon anyone else, when it actually came down to it. So we depended on and relied upon only each other… and it really worked for us… we were so truly happy and in love. Then a rare and aggressive cancer reared its ugly head out of nowhere and we are, where we are, today, sadly. Why this is happening to us when we had such a wonderful life and future ahead of us (both 58 years old)… I just don’t know. I will NEVER understand or ever come to terms with any of it. Unfortunately, people are just people… flawed, fickle, shallow and superficial. The exact opposite to me and my darling… but there you have it! What I do have to come to terms with is that my pain, my grief and my loneliness, and my trauma are MINE, and mine alone. No one can feel what I feel or take it away from me. It’s so, so sad, but I’m afraid that is the sad reality. Nobody can walk in my shoes or compare to my loving, kind, caring, darling soulmate… ever 
we were SO happy he always made me feel loved, respected, cared for, and safe what now???
Well said. A friend I have know since childhood, so mid 50s sent me a text how I was getting on and also discussed one of my songs. I replied with the following:
*very day is a mix of doing little jobs and crying, especially when I come across something of Jackie’s. It’s bloody hard Rob, still I’ll survive. Trying to get the house ready so I can sell and move back to Wales.
*I prefer the second version as well. Trouble is every time I look at the video or listen to the audio, I burst into tears. Like everyone, I’ve experienced deaths in the family, but nothing at all like this. *
I so desperately want her back to tell her all the things I didn’t get to; to hold her in my arms again; to have a little tiff; to FaceTime our grandchildren together and the list could go on and on.
*I would advise you and Maggie to live every day as if it’s your last, because, sadly, one day, it will be for one of you. *
Sorry to be so miserable, but grief is the price you pay for love and I have 60 years to pay for.
He has been married to Maggie as long as me and Jackie were married.
He was shocked and hadn’t realised how grief actually is and wanted to drive well over 100 miles to come and see me.
Most people definitely do not have a clue.
I know I am the one that is heartbroken and in pain and I am the one that has to learn to live with it. Bute it’s hard
Your so right about the loneliness & people aren’t interested & it takes a long time 2 realise you are on your, as people dont care. & it is very lonely
Being on our own.
Dear HeartofGold
As I sit here with the telly as my only companion, I really do feel your pain.
I’ve been following the posts on this thread for a few days and people’s comments or lack of concern really can appear cruel, but I’m not sure they really mean the harm they are doing. As I’ve noted before perhaps they don’t want to get involved in case grief is catching or perhaps their lives might not be as happy as they seem. Perhaps they haven’t known the love and companionship that we have known. Perhaps we have been extremely lucky in finding our perfect partner and soulmate.
It doesn’t stop the tears but these desperate feelings of loss are because we got lucky in love.
Just like you I don’t know what I’m going to do with the rest of my life but whatever happens I know my wife is still with me and I know she will be there to meet me when my time comes. I just draw the curtains each evening and cross another day off my life sentence.
For now stay strong and look back on the good times. You are in my thoughts. Take good care of yourself.
Thanks for your lovely caring wishes, when something is being drilled ito you every time I see them, they always say the same comment, I even had the nearve to answer her with its not that easy to just find a way to help myself, to which i got brushed aside. Just so comforting to know that im not alone, ive lost all my confidence when Mark left to be with angels, And im not going to lie, like most of us on here finding it very hard to talk to someone. Sorry for waffling on. But Im glad i can write on here. Thank you
I got tired of saying ‘not too bad’ when people ask how I am feeling.
I tell them the truth now.
@RJay
Thank you for your kind reply.
I think I understand what you’re saying… basically, we have been very lucky to have found our wonderful, true soulmates, to have loved and be loved, and to have shared a happy life together. Also… that people can be thoughtless, in words and deeds, or lack of. Because I have always tried to show compassion and empathise with others, even if I haven’t experienced something myself, I suppose I struggle somewhat to understand people who can’t or won’t show compassion and empathy. I guess not everyone is blessed with emotional intelligence! I really feel for you and understand the reality of your situation. I’m sorry for your loss and everything you’re going through. You have summarised perfectly… “drawing the curtains and crossing another day off your life sentence”. How very true for those who have loved and lost their life partner! Thank you for your thoughtful insight and kind reassurance. Take good care, too
Oh im sure he will be saying that about the ford focus but yeah its a good choice as i used to work in the car industry many years ago my linda was like that would never have a peugeot because of an ex having one but she ended with a Citroen which im trying to keep on the road as she loved it me and my dad got it her after her Nissan went to the scrapyard and i told her so you love your car then she said yes its great well i said you do know that your Citroen is powered by a Peugeot engine dearest i wont repeat where she told me to go and what i was wish she was here now to say the things again 
even just one more time and Linda will be waiting for me to be with her again as i ride bikes or used to as as she not here anymore I’ve lost the motivation now but she will be wanting that pillion seat back again yeah it’s dam hard not having my dad or linda here to just advise me with sensible thought and tell me to not be stupid at least oh well its just past 3 am again as sleep never is around these days but I’ve got a second appointment at counceling tmoz afternoon not that im finding it at all helpful it feels cold and timed so come out more stressed than went in but £40 lighter after it but im waiting for complex grief counceling but waiting lists are long as its free look after you as best you can try stay strong and take care of you in Morecambe as i was born bread in Thornton cleveleys and used to work sometimes in lancaster and Morecambe on contract for sainsburys so know it well big hugs
Martin 
I’M SCARED
I am finding that I spend so much of my time and energy thinking of the past…
everything that was / how life used to be / all the losses I have suffered / loved ones who are no longer with me / asking where did all those years go / wishing somehow I could go back in time. I realise it’s because I am petrified of the future… I feel it’s just completely hopeless and all I can see is loneliness, isolation and uncertainty. I can’t really think of the future at all… it scares me. Things I never imagined could happen, have actually happened, so I’m kind of stuck in the past… reminiscing and wishing I had a time machine. I just don’t feel that I fit in with how cold and unfeeling the world feels like these days. I’m only 58 years old. Does anyone else feel like this? Or is it just me?
HeartofGold I went through that, and I am a fair bit more ancient. I was lucky, I was a member of my wife’s book club that meets monthly. I missed the first meeting after My Elizabeth left me. 3 of the members phoned me and asked me to go to the next meeting. My village runs a bereavement cafe that meets once a month. It was organized by our vicar, I found it helpful. There are also other activities. I needed the social interaction to get me out of the house. I was pushed into some of it, but it has helped me. I hope that you find something that will help you and lift your spirits a bit.
@HeartofGold
Darling don’t be afraid of the future. It’s going to happen whether we are afraid or not.
My John always said to seize the day and even though sometimes it’s very difficult I try.
We all think back to all those we’ve lost in our life and we look back hopefully with laughter at the things those people did. I had that many aunts n uncles I can’t tell you but mum n dad would get them all together for parties so many times and they were great times…they’ve all gone now…but I’ve got my memories
Your future is going to be what you make it, with help from friends old n new. Please don’t be petrified because there’s no need to be.
You are only 58 and I know grieving but you’re young and have so much to give and receive so enjoy what comes your way….and it will, maybe not soon but it will…
It’s not just you. I felt the same when I was in my mid 60s.
I decided to put all my memories and thoughts into a book about my life, primarily in music. I had the first edition published in 2013 and released a second edition last year.
Never going to make me a millionaire, but it was very comforting to do. I’ve also written and recorded a few songs about how we were in the past.
We are never going to go back in time or bring our partners back. As sad as that is, we must learn to live with this. You have a longish life in front of you, me not so much, but we have to carry on with life.
Think of the good memories you made together and cry when you need to.
You look after yourself.
how rude & unfeeling. Tell them the same when they lose their partner. Iv learnt, ill say oh yr get over it, like i did.
Hi HeartofGold,
no its not just you, I wish I had a Time Machine too and struggling to see the future . But I keep getting told off by my councillor - says I need not to think too far ahead , cos Im not in the right space to think like that yet . Not sure I agree with him at the present time . 62 so a little older than you , but feeling scared just the same .
@HeartofGold
WHERE IS MY ANGEL?
My heart is in shreds and I am broken beyond repair.
Yesterday afternoon my beautiful darling soulmate passed away, age 58. We were together and inseparable for 20 years. He fought a very brave and courageous 9-10 month battle with a rare and aggressive cancer. His suffering was immense and horrific right up to the end. I was with him throughout the nightmare cancer journey, we were thrown into. As with everything else in life, we faced it together, side by side and hand in hand. I got to tell him how much I truly and deeply love him with all my heart and soul. How I loved him from the first moment I saw him, and always will love him forever, until the end of time. I was able to tell him everything I needed to say to him. His beautiful blue eyes looked straight into mine the whole time, as I told him how much joy and happiness he had brought into my life and how we would never be separated. We would always be together forever. I will never, ever forget how much pure love he showed me through his beautiful eyes as he listened to every single word. A tear rolled down the corner of his eye and he took his last breath. He died knowing how much he is loved and that he is my world and always will be. My beautiful angel is free from pain now, but I have to live with the heartache and agony of losing him from my life forever. He was my world and I was his. We were always together. I am totally lost and broken. I have returned to our home without him, and am surrounded by reminders of him everywhere. I knew this was coming, but I am devastated to the core, in shock and disbelief. I’m staring into space, trying to make sense of it all and wondering around from room to room aimlessly for no reason, like a zombie. Why is the sun still shining outside and the earth still spinning when my whole world has collapsed around me. I can’t believe that this has happened to my darling angel, that he’s gone and I will never see him again. I am also very traumatised by seeing everything he went through and witnessing all his pain and suffering. I am broken and I just don’t know what to do.
@HeartofGold
I am so very sorry for your loss. No words at this time will make you feel any better.
It’s very soon and very raw for you right now. Just try n drink plenty to replenish the fluids you lose through tears and just take minute by minute.
Please take care of yourself, your husband will want you to…
Thinking of you…
HeartofGold
What can anyone possibly say to give you any comfort.
Your message just reduced me to tears. My heart goes out to you.
As hard as it was, at least you were with him until the very end, as i was with my wife. It is awful to be there, but I suspect, like me, you would not have been anywhere else.
I too was in an absolute state of shock. It is hard to get your head around anything, and you are probably walking around in a fog of emotion.
All i can say is please do what you need to do to keep yourself well. Eat and drink when you can, sleep when you can and do everythng at your own pace. You can easily forget to look after yourself at this time.
It won’t be easy but eventually the fog will start to clear and you will start to function again. It is all about survival until that time.
Use this site, as the people are great and very understanding.
Love and hugs to you at this terrible time, and i am really very sorry for your loss.
Ahh bless you, i really feel for you, it was hell when my husband died, & i still struggle after over 7 years.
Grief is hell.
Wishing you all the best on this painful journey
So sorry to hear this.
Nothing I can say can really help, other than, please look after yourself.
Many of is here know exactly how you’re feeling having experienced heartbreak as well.
You take care of yourself 
@HeartofGold
I am so sorry to read your sad news.
You have had such a harrowing time over the last ten months and now you have this grief to deal with.
Be assured your soulmate is still with you and will be with you, supporting you at every stage. Just ask him for help when you need it. I am always asking my wife for help and help is always given.
God bless.