Dear Peter your Gill sounds an amazing lady. Suggesting readings for her funeral service. I have done the same! You are very brave to post today and the memories of that day must be terrible. As you know Sunday is a bad day for me as well. I didn’t wake at 4am last night. I drank enough wine to send me to sleep after such a trying day yesterday. I am sending you a big hug and my care and support. 
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It seems rather feeble for a guy of my age but I am terrified of Christmas without my darling Gill. My dog and I will be alone. I think I shall treat it as just another day, decorations without her would be obscene. I am honestly not sure if I will survive the so called festive season. Gill used to make our Christmases. What on earth can I do?
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Peter I feel for you and Christmas will certainly not be the same without Gill. I feel just as you do about Christmas this year and I won’t bother with decorations etc. However, Gill would want you to remember all the precious Christmases you had together and realize the joy you gave her for all that time. Maybe raise a glass to thank Gill for being with you and making so many memories, even if they are painful at present. Don’t forget to join us all on the forum and light a candle for her at 7pm on Christmas Eve. We will all be thinking of our loved ones and each other.
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Thank you Jean. That is the first I have heard about the 7pm candle suggestion. Is it detailed somewhere?
Peter
Hi Peter, The item you want is under the thread Lighting a Christmas Eve Candle. Have a look and please do join in. I think it’s a wonderful idea for us all to be united in our love for our soulmates and our bonding with each other on the forum. Love, Jean.x
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Hi @PeterL, just in case you have any difficulty in finding the thread, click on this link Lighting a Christmas Eve Candle. and it will take you directly to it. Take care, Alston.
It is now 4 months since my darling Gill died. I buried her ashes (with those of 4 doggies!) in the village churchyard two weeks ago and am now trying to organise a memorial for us both - even that is made difficult by covid.
I cry for her every day and still feel total despair. I have a nice home, perched on top of a hill with an amazing view, I have my beagle for company and am reasonably fit but it is all worth nothing without her. I really don’t want to go and live in a home - no matter how nice it is. Heartbreak and loneliness are crushing me down and I don’t see any way out of it. I hope that you are all faring much better than I am.
My love to you all, Peter
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Hello Peter. I do understand the despair that you feel at the moment and it is all so recent and raw. I came across this bit of wisdom in another post today and it gave me a lot of comfort. It said — We miss them, we miss them dreadfully, yet their spirit is all around us, watching over us, they don’t miss us, because in spirit, they have never left us.
Your Gill is still with you and always will be. Take care Peter. Thinking of you.
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Hi Peter ,sorry for all your current and past upset ,sounds like you have done things right and your other half will be pleased at what has been done ,your tone sounds just a little better than it did so hope that things are progressing
Steve
Just to complete my cup of happiness, I had an accident in the garden yesterday and badly injured my leg. Fortunately I was wearing my personal alarm button and the ambulance arrived in 20 minutes or so. Now shuffling around the house with a stitched-up leg and a zimmer-frame crying for my Gill to comfort me. I really can’t take any more pain. Life’s a bitch.
Best wishes to you all Peter
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Peter I feel so sad for you. We all go through a clumsy phase when grieving but you had it really rough. Take care of that leg and know that Gill will be watching out for you and making sure you get the right treatment. Sending you lots of caring thoughts. Take care. x
Oh Peter…so sorry to hear about your accident…sending you a virtual hug x
Hello Peter, just to let you know that I’m also here with you my friend. Jim
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Peter, I’m so sorry you’ve had an accident and youre hurting in every direction. I only wish I was a bit closer to offer you some comfort and company.
I remember you saying you had a beagle, do you still walk her? I think the last time we spoke it was very wet and she was a bit muddy.
Did you and Gill walk her often? Im very sure Gill walks with you when you are out together.
Not sure about trying to walk your dog with a zimmer as I’ve tried to walk my rather large weimaraner on crutches and its not easy.
What we are grieving is not easy either, Colin has been gone 12 weeks past Wednesday and it just gets harder and like you the tears flow.
Its never going to get easier but just be different but know that there are many of us who are here for you.
Much love and rest that leg as the dog needs your love and a walk x
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Thank you all, I am in rather a pickle as my mum used to say! ( my dad used to say “Life is just a bowl of cherries” I never understood thatone but if was always said through gritted teeth!) Flora is being looked after by a kind neighbour but I missed having her around so much last night that I am going to ask for her back and ask Rachel if she will walk her on a regular basis for me until the stitches come out in three weeks. Before wrecking my leg Flora and I would walk a mile or more every morning and I sometimes thought I could sense Gill walking alongside us. I wonder if I should offer to pay her and, if so, how much - any thoughts. Sam1, I lost Gill to her cancer exactly 16 weeks ago so we are at much the same stage in this wretched process, do you find that every day seems like a year? I have an NHS team coming to “assess me” this afternoon apparently they are able help prepare the occasional meal which would be nice. My humble boiled egg took me an hour to prepare this morning shuffling along on the Mk1 zimmer. What an awful time we are all going through - how I wish we could all get together at Christmas we could have copious gins and a mass weep-in!
Love to you all, Pegleg.
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Dear PegLeg!
Even though life is hurtling slings and arrows at you, your warmth and sense of humour shines through…Thank you I am sure Rachel will walk Flora for you until you can take up the lead again…I am equally certain that Gill’s presence will accompany you. It is really early days for you - and Sam1…Try to be kind to yourself…it is a long road but we get better at travelling it as time goes on. Take care x
Hello Peter, sorry its a bit late and I do hope you’re sleeping right now or atleast resting that peg leg of yours.
I’m sure Rachel would be happy to help you walking flora. Maybe you could buy her a nice box of biscuits or wine to say thank you.
It’s lovely that you have a good friend and neighbour whom I’m very sure is happy to help and understands.
It would be nice for you to have Flora’s company and I’m sure Rachel will understand if you can manage to even let flora in to the garden to stretch her legs.
You need to be ok to manage doing that Peter. Im certain you woukd do anything for your furry four legged friend though x
Everyday is so blooming hard peter and as much as my parents inlaw are so good they are suffering too.
They visit every day which is good therapy for all of us. I’ve gone back to work 3 days but it’s 12 hout days. I focus on the children in my care and they keep me going as do their parents. Many have supported me and were on the journey with Colin and I. It was upsetting and many tears shed with these compassionate parent’s.
I manage a nursery for children age 6 weeks until school entry.
Most nights I cry coming home in my car and Wednesdays not a good day as that’s when my brdt friend, soul mate and husband passed.
God I miss him Peter and there’s no text book to help us through this.
Just know though that I understand your pain and I’m here if you ever need to speak about something or nothing.
Take care of yourself and Flora xx
Rachel turned up trumps but I have now come across a professional dog-walker who will be taking over tomorrow at £8 for half an hour. Flora performs splendidly in the first 15 minutes so that will do nicely !
I have got into the habit of lighting a candle before I go to bed, I say the Lord’s prayer and ask him to look after Gill for me. Silly, but I like doing it. I was also thinking of our marriage vows and that horrid line at the end “until death us do part” If anything, Gill’s death has made me feel more married to her than ever! You are right every day is blooming hard sam1 and so far there is no sign of it becoming easier. I think the most we can hope for is that we become used to the pain and learn to walk with it.
Love to you all, Peter
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Im pleased you have got Flora sorted for a walk and I do hope your leg is on the mend.
That is lovely that you light a candle and say a prayer , I’m sure Gill is right beside you when you have that special moment of reflection.
You are right Peter, its not easier just different and a different path every day. I’ve felt very emotional at work today and my boss upset me, it took me all my time to hold myself together. I feel very vulnerable some day’s and not many get it.
She did apologise but your thoughts about life change and where I may have argued my case I just don’t have that fight left in me just now.
God I’ve fought tooth and nail for the last 3 years to help colin to stay with us.
I hope you have a good evening and give flora a hug.
Samantha
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I’m afraid that my grief and loneliness are now so profound that think I am going crazy. My GP has prescribed anti depressants but I am worse if anything. I am even falling out with Flora, she seems so demanding. Life without Gill is so awful I really don’t think I will be able to bear it for very long. For an old guy like me with nothing but emptiness ahead it is agony. The Christmas cards keep arriving addressed “Mr.&Mrs.” A mere 7 months ago I was a happily married man, now I am a heartbroken wreck of an old man. How on earth can we live like this? Peter
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