I know it’s torture just doing everyday things and having to carry on with life when you’ve lost the person you’ve spent practically all your life with and knew each other so well. I also was 17 and my wife sweet 16 when we met , we got married after 3 years and spent 46 years of happiness together untill she was taken from me. I’m just trying my best now to muddle through till my time comes and trying to stay strong like I tell everyone else . This group as certainly helped me just by the very realization I am not alone and we are all struggling with pretty much the same thoughts and feelings. Take care. 
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Certainly helps a bit. I try and tell myself I was lucky to have had him for so long…but we had plans for retirement next year and suddenly you are just floundering, wondering what you can make of your life ! Take care x
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thats my plan to bri my partners name was brian i always called him bri i told my son when its my turn to go have my ashes mixed with dad and we will be reunited x
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Brian, and all others who’ve lost a partner,
To be honest, in many ways, I cannot draw alongside, as it is my beloved Mum I’ve lost! But my Mum and Dad were married for over 66 years.
Dad has very much leant on God, and his amazing faith, and also on my siblings and I, which is what I promised to my Mum, on her death bed. I told her, that though she wanted to go, but didn’t want to leave my Dad on his own, we would look after Dad. And we’re trying very hard to honour this promise.
Also, 2 very close friends have lost their spouses this year, so I’m able to empathise, though grieving for a mother’s very different from grieving losing a wife or husband.
On Mothering Sunday, I posted on a local Facebook page, that, though I was unable to wish my own Mum, a Happy Mothering Sunday, all the other Mums where I live, are very much appreciated and venerated. Even though, in many ways, my own heart was breaking, well over 130 people responded positively, and my Mum would have approved, as I was only following her example.
Maybe, that’s what’s keeping all of us, including my darling Dad, going, doing what my Mum would have advised, and making her proud.
Sorry if this doesn’t help you, but, truly, I do hope and pray, that these exceedingly dark and difficult days, will be very slightly easier to endure.
Lesley x
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Dear Bri,
It is perfectly normal to feel as you do after such a long a d happy marriage. I know because I feel the same about my husband. We did everything together and living without his love and support is heartbreaking every day. People tell me it does get easier in time so sending you love, strength and comfort.B x
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Thank you Barbara for your kind words they are much appreciated right now. Strength love and comfort to you also.
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Bri I’m also 6 months in and I also feel as if iv taken a leap backwards , not that it’s ever been easy.
I have really missed my Rob these last couple of days .
But I’m sure the6 wouldn’t want us to feel this way .
Take care karenx x
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Dear all
Same here. Six months in and the pain is only intensifying.
Sheila
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I’m just over six months, it still hurts. I think of Karen all day, I have a constant ache of missing her. It’s worse than I imagined
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Hello all… I wonder if it is the first spring without our loved ones that is making us all feel as if we are going backwards. It reminds us that life is growing and moving on but without us as we were - a couple.
I get upset seeing all the garden flowers in bloom that Mike planted for me last spring. I try to sit in the garden in the sun but 5 minutes is all I can manage on my own. Where is our cuppa and our long chats in the sunshine. We also used to follow the sun and moon phases but I can’t say I’ve noticed since Mike died.
We have all lost ourselves and we aren’t sure what was just ‘me’ and what was us as a couple. We are having to re-discover who we are and we don’t like it one bit.
I hope that time will help us to see a better side of what is to be our future.
Let’s keep looking after each other on this site and we WILL get through this difficult time.
Love and Light…x
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As always, Jean2, you have summed it up so well.
We used to be so thrilled at the first daffodil in our garden- the first proper sign of Spring, but somehow, I am not so excited this year. It means very little without Tony to share it with. He was my Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter and it’s a bleak colourless year without him.
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I realise that not only have I lost my partner but life as well.
Nothing for me will be the same without him.
Everything will change.
Having someone to do nothing with was a secure feeling.
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Paula, you are so right! Xx
I feel so stupid learnt today Halifax have closed Janes account and taken her name off our joint account, feels like she is being deleted from our life, lots of tears over nothing.
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All the while she is in your heart, she will never be deleted. The bank is not important enough to delete anyone. Forget them, and keep her close where it matters.
My heart goes out to you.
AnnR
Thank you xx
Exactly what I’ve been thinking too Jean2.
I’ve been in the garden thinking about all the jobs we did in there last year during lockdown.
Also remembering how we heard the first Garden warbler singing in the trees and watched the starlings sat on our roof trying to attract a mate.
When we were doing the gardening one of us would have made a cuppa, then had a sit down and a chat before starting again. I love the garden but doesn’t feel the same now.
I watched a couple down the road in their garden talking to each other and then another couple walking their dog and I felt so sad and envious.
I miss the simple things so much, just being happy together, doing nothing.
No-one gets me like he did. You’re right we are having to discover ourselves and its very difficult especially when it’s not what we want.
Anyway I came back in the house and sat and cried for an hour and then cooked tea just for me.
Hopefully we will get through this and be able to remember and smile again.
Love and hugs xxxx Jacky
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I know how you are feeling, our joint accounts now have one name. All my husbands bikes have to be transferred into my name, I can’t see a day when I will even ride my bike again yet we had so many wonderful adventures when bikes brought us together in 1978.
The home we loved so much & swore never ever to sell or leave will lose his name and I now select ‘widowed from drop down menus for our car & home insurance.
And today I couldn’t figure out how to turn on the outside tap he switched off during our cold weather = yet another meltdown. Shopping today, the guy on the till said ’ been a while-on your own today?’ = meltdown. It gets worse by the day, I cannot accept he is gone.
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I know how you feel …its as if they never existed. I even feel resentful that our children are just getting on with their lives after losing their Dad. Sometimes I feel as if I am the only one grieving for my husband.
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Hi maigret,
It feels illogical to feel this bad over silly little things like names being changed but we have lost so much, i long to just hold her hand or go for a ride on our norton, life is so empty we met when she was nine i was twelve in1962 we got together in 1970, so it is bound to hurt i miss her so much, we must all try to carry on to keep our loved ones memories alive take care, Patxx
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