It’s amazing what some people say. Even before all of this I would have never said some of the things I’ve been reading in this thread. Mind boggling. Probably best if they didn’t say anything at all. I’m sure the 8th will go fine. I’m not planning to make a big deal out of it, I assume you did the same? I wanted to acknowledge and respect the day so I have flowers which I wanted to get and I’m glad I did but that is about as much as I want to do. Making a big deal out of it will be just like stabbing myself repeatedly. I’ll not be looking at fb.
I haven’t sent any Xmas cards yet and I’m not sure I can be bothered for most people but I’ll send some for family. This is turning out to be a weird, stressful month and I’m not sure if I’m looking forward to 2020.
How are you getting on Cheryl? Are you managing to smile a little?
I have a friend that tells me since my mum died she messaged her own mum every day with “I love you”. As what happened to me scared her. She’s a lovely friend but she has no idea how much that hurts. That I can never tell my mum that again. People honestly have no idea.
Hi joules
People have no idea.
My friend who never mentions her mum other than to moan about her has now decided to visit her every weekend and tell me about it.
I think to myself, is she trying to upset me?
Im not enjoying my weekend away. Last year when I came I called mum several times a day to tell her what we were doing and to see if she was ok.
It’s like my right arm is missing now I dont check in with her. It’s so weird that I will never call or text her again, letalone see her and live with her.
I’m back to the if onlys and what ifs.
How are you today? X
Did you get your mums usual flowers shaun?
I didnt mark the day at all shaun, tried to pretend it wasnt happening. And then my niece wished my mum a happy, heavenly birthday with in your face photos on facebook and my whole day was ruined.
I havent done xmas cards yet and I wouldn’t if it wasnt for my mum who used to send all the family cards. I feel I must fo it in her memory.
Hope you have an ok weekend x
Ah Cheryl I’m thinking of you. I’m at a food festival in padstow. Told my mum I would take her here one day. It’s been a bad week .
I know. Everything I do and everywhere I go has connections with, or memories of mum. I don’t think mum would have come with us to this weekend as it involves very late nights and alot of standing. Mum was past all that a couple of years back, but it’s just the memories of calling to tell her we had arrived and to see what she was up to.
I miss her so much and the only people that really understand are the group on this site.
Try and have a nice time x
Jooles, I love Padstow. Been there many times including May Day. Have bought many pasties from the Chough bakery. Ah, so many memories. I’m thinking about it now and it’s making me sad. Next time I go there I know what I’ll be thinking about. I can’t stand looking at photos of us in places like that right now. Sometimes I like to go to places that I haven’t ever been with mum just to escape the memories which right now are not pleasant. There are other places that I had planned to go with mum which won’t happen now and that hurts too. I hope that Padstow is good for your soul. Shaun x
Cheryl, I got the usual flowers which are Narcissi from St Martin’s where we holiday in August. Good old online ordering means the website keeps a record of past purchases and what was written on the card included with the flowers. Suffice to say, I read last years card and I shouldn’t have. What a kicker.
I understand what you mean about the Xmas cards, I’ll have to really push myself to be motivated enough to write some. I know I should.
These are the flowers and they ‘should’ be sat in her house with her enjoying the lovely scent. Happy birthday mum, you should be turning 74 tomorrow. I’m thinking of you, you’ll be forever in my heart. xx
They are right beside an engraved vase which was presented to her as a gift as mother of the groom on my wedding day, dated 29th August 2009, exactly 10 years to the day she died… I never really thought that these special things would end up coming back to me so soon.
Hope you are having an ok weekend too.
Shaun x
C1971, Most people seem to be absolutely clueless when it comes to speaking to those who have lost ones. Clearly, your friend is not thinking about what she is saying or do people really think one gets over a loved one passing in such a short time?
The latest one I’ve had from a friend is “I sense you not quite right at the moment”! My mother was cremated 3 weeks ago. In total, I spent 43 years in the company of my Mum, apart from ten years.
Some people are in for quite a wake up call, when the same happens to them.
Last night, I thought to myself “i wish I’d just protected my Mum totally”, so a bit like you “if only and what if”.
Thankfully, everyone on these threads understand how utter devastating the loss of a loved one is.
I think I’ll be lucky if I’m functioning well in a couple of years time! I’ve come to the conclusion that we live in a society where people are mostly absorbed by themselves. People seem to have lost the art of just listening.
Shaun73,
The Narcassi are very beautiful. Daffodils were my Mum favourite flower. I hoped to get some for Mum’s funeral but couldn’t find any. I’ve planted tons of daffs in pots this year, so it will be bitter sweet when they come up this year. The thought nearly brings me to tears.
Memories are everywhere. There are moments where i think. How did we get to this?
Padstow was lovely. Had a nice wander round. Found an old pub sat by the fire. Everyone in Santa jumpers and hats. I sat thinking how mum will never experience anything ever again. Then my mind started to wander and it always goes back to those last two days before she died. Nothing helps. Something there to always make your heart ache.
The flowers are lovely shaun. You’re right. She should be celebrating.
It’s funny about dates and weird that she died on your wedding anniversary. My mum died on what would have been her 50th wedding anniversary to my dad. In the early days I felt that dad had called her to be with him and it gave me comfort. Now nothing gives me comfort.
Thinking of you x
I think you’re completely right daffy. It also dawns on me that we will all die one day too.
I knew that mum would go one day, I just wasnt expecting it to be this soon x
I would have sent the card back to where it came from.
Hi mary, very tempting but these are my cousins, my mums sisters family. I dont think they meant harm, i just think they are thoughtless and insensitive.
One day their parents will die and they may understand. In the meantime I threw the card away x
What you’ve done with daffodils sounds great. A living memorial like that is perfect and will go on and on. I know it’ll be bitter sweet. That’s another aspect of grief, all the bitter sweet stuff. Yeah, I keep asking myself how this all happened and then I remember it’s just life doing its thing and reminding us that nothing lasts forever, even the best things. Life used to be comfortable and good and I took it for granted that it would stay that way for a long time to come. Well I certainly don’t now.
I think I’d probably walk out of the town and up past the memorial towards the beaches where the crowds are not and then quietly contemplate everything. Of course then I’d become miserable because I’d be sad that mum can no longer experience the joy of being here. You are right, heartache everywhere. Where can we escape?
Hello C1971, I suppose it would have appeared churlish, if you had sent it back, good for you.
I am 80 years old and I still have the fire in me to react, my 2 children, who are both in their 50’s tell me I am feisty. I have to be at my time of life:innocent: I hope that you get through this Christmas period safely and peacefully, my grandson and his partner have invited me to spend Christmas Day with them. They have a little boy who is nearly 15 months old, he is so beautiful (I would say that wouldn’t I?) he is called Jonty (Jonathan James) we have a tradition in our family that every first born boy is called James, after my dear late dad.
Take care,
MaryL
Thats lovely mary.
My mums dad was james and so was mums eldest brother.
Hopefully xmas will be bearable for all of us x
Hi I hope today may be a better day
Although I know all days are hard
I don’t believe you are being over sensitive at all
We were finally allowed to bury mum in Thursday
My father. Her ex husband showed up. I wonder why?? He wouldn’t speak to me at all. Why was he even hear. He flew in for 3 days. That man left her emotionally crippled 35 years ago. I don’t understand.
Christmas will be a hard one for us all. Xx