My first post - can’t bear the sadness

Hello - I lost my husband just over three weeks ago and I am overwhelmed with grief. We were married for 30 years and did t have children which makes it worse as I have no one to share the extreme loss with. I have lots of friends but at the end of the day they go,home to their families and spouses and I am left crying alone. I miss him so much all the time and can’t bear the thought that I can never be with him again. Every single day is a trial - it’s just unbearable. I do t know how to carry on and how to cope with all this sadness and loneliness -

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Good Morning Sandra

Welcome to the community that none of us wanted to join.

I lost my wife on 23rd May, the grief is beyond description. Planning our future life without our partners seems impossible. I don’t think there are any answers, easy or otherwise. How do we cope? I don’t know, but we have to, in the hope that we learn to adapt.

Hugs

Andrew

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Hi Andrew - thank you for replying so quickly.

I am sorry you lost your wife too so recently .

I know there are no real answers as to how to cope but nevertheless just posting here and talking to people like you who are going through the same as me is going to be helpful I hope.

It’s just a living nightmare right now and I am so lost

But thank you for your words

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You’re right, at least people on here really understand what you are going through. I think it really does help, it is so lonely right now without the one person that truly understood us.

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Hello @Sandra7 @Andrew7 I’m only 5 weeks into the loss of my husband and all too familiar with what you write. I feel so alone and struggle to face each day. Then faced with all the admin stuff it feels like the world is against you. I have a few very good friends who have been so kind and always lend an ear but no family willing to offer support.
I wish you both well and hope that by sharing your feelings here helps a little bit in your grief process
Jen x

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Such a difficult time painfull and exhausting and there no short cuts all I can advise is to try and eat properly a little fresh air and. Rest sleep when you can I found mindless tv helped and know people who you believed would be there for you will make crass comments and you will feel let down grieving the loss of a persons life you shared is something no one understands till it happens to them I wished we were better prepared for these eventualities keep on this site it’s what’s getting me through it’s 6 months since I lost my darling husband thinking of you xxx

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Thank you for replying Jen and sorry for the loss of your husband so recently too
It’s unbelievably hard isn’t it
I wake up with no desire for the day at all and just try to get through as best I can. But no matter what I do it can’t change the fact that I can never be with my wonderful husband again, I miss him all the time and the finality of it is destroy8ng me
Sorry - you of course know this and thank you for reaching out to me - I hope that there are better days ahead for us in the furure

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Thanks angie for replying and sorry you have lost your husband too.
It’s just terrible and no one can truly understand unless they are going through it. Everyone is going through the same here so I hope we can all help each other
Thank you for the advice. I am trying to do,those things but it always comes back to the same terrible fact - he is gone and I cannot change that.
I don’t know how to get past it but I guess I have no choice

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Hi, i lost my wife just over 4 months now after 41 years together, we had no children either. she was only 58. we had great plans as I had the good fortune to take early retirment 5 years ago. All those plans have now gone. Only my dad (92) left on my side of the family that is close enough for support. In that five years I have lost four members of mine and my wifes family, and now my wife five. fully undersytand of how you feel, crying all the time, missing your husband like mad and worst of all the loneliness. I feel that a lot of the posts on here are very similar to the way I feel, and its this that keeps me going, although very hard.

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Hi to all of you,
Reading your posts I can see that most of you are not far into this painful journey.
Sorry for the loss of your loved ones.
I lost my soulmate very suddenly and unexpectedly almost 9 months ago, the only advice I can give you is to try to sleep (I know that’s easier said than done) I don’t think I slept for more than an hour here and there for the first 6 weeks but when I did eventually manage to get a bit more I seemed to be able to cope a little better.
It’s such an emotional rollercoaster, I still have days when I can’t stop crying but they are not as frequent.
This forum has been so helpful as everyone on here really understands what you are going through.
Sending love and strength to all of you.
Muldool

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Hi poppy123 and thank you for your reply. I am so sorry you have lost your wife .
Your situation sounds so similar to mine. I have parents alive too in their mid 80s but have lost the other half of me - my husband.
I do hope that talking to other people on here could maybe help some of the feeling of being so alone, just to know there are others living the same nightmate

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Hello Sandra
I am so sorry for your loss
Right now you need to grieve cry get angry at the world
Why me !
You needed your husband
You loved him
How can you carry on with life without him

We all feel the same on this site
I have found in time which you are no where near your body learns how to cope with the heartache
You need just to take every day by day
You do what is best for you
You will get stronger ~ I know at this moment you are in a terrible place
Over time it doesn’t get easier how can it when you have loved your husband for 30 years
But in time you do come to terms with it

I loss my loving gorgeous husband soul mate 4 years ago this month
Am I over my grief NO
I don’t think I will ever but I have learned how to survive with my grief

Sandra why don’t you write in a journal as if your talking to your husband
Or send him a text message\ email just so that you can share your feelings
Sharing makes a big difference or come on this site and share your thoughts with us
It’s what’s best for you
Have you thought about counselling
Joining some groups

I know just getting up out of bed is probably the hardest thing to do right now
It’s tiny steps at a time

Take care
Sending my love
Xx

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Thanks Muldoon and sorry you lost your soulmate so suddenly

It’s good to,hear from someone a little,further along as I don’t think I can bear to be this sad and heartbroken every day of the rest of my life. It really is unbearable and every day is a challenge to,just get through with so much overwhelming sadness and i know he’s died but it just keeps hitting me again and again

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Thanks scottie10 for replying and I am sorry you lost your husband too
I might try writing a journal to him when things are really bad and there’s nowhere else to take it
It does frighten me when you say things don’t get easier though as I don’t think I can live with this level of sadness and despair for all the years ahead. It’s too overwhelming and even things I got pleasure from before which were unrelated to my husband like maybe seeing a friend or walking the dog I can no longer feel any pleasure from. And then there’s all the time I spent with him which I never took for,granted but now miss so much
For,things to remain at this level for ever is a terrifying thought

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Oh Sandra, I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband and I can identify with the despair in your words.

Your sadness won’t remain at the level is now. As days, weeks and months pass your grief will find a place where it settles slightly.

I lost my darling husband of 40 years almost 18 months ago and I know this to be true for me.

I still feel his loss greatly and think about him and talk to him all the time when I’m alone in the house (apart from our little cat) We didn’t have any children.

At first there were days when I truly didn’t know how I’d get through the day…but I got through the hours first. Watching something on TV helps…as you say a walk, or seeing a friend is one of the best things you can do. I started to look forward to those things and still do. I couldn’t do without them.

Things won’t always feel as bad as they do today Sandra.
I still have times where I get that awful, empty feeling in my stomach (usually the mornings) but it will get better for you as the time goes by. It’s very early days for you yet.

You will eventually get used to our “new normal” , and yes, you will get enjoyment from things again. I’m actually looking forward to a family wedding this month. I never thought I’d get my enthusism back! My brother, nephew, niece and friends still talk about him often and their memory will always be alive in our thoughts and hearts.

I’m thinking of you. Big hugs
Janey xx

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Oh Sandra bless you I can’t say I know how you feel because my partner is still here with me but I lost my daughter in Jan this year and the pain is unbearable all I can say is so sorry for your loss but keep coming on here the support is lovely and you can open and pour your :heartbeat: out anytime and we are all here to support you we are all grieving take care. Shellyanne XX :heavy_heart_exclamation:

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I remember in the first couple of months when people said to me that is doesn’t get any easier it really scared me too, that horrible feeling of despair but I think we just get stronger, and learn how to cope so in a way it gets slightly easier.
A comment on this forum that really struck a chord with me was that your loved one would not want the legacy of their death to be the thing that destroyed you.
It may not work for everyone but it spurred me on and even though I I still get days when I’m in floods of tears I try to be strong and carry on because I I know that Pete would hate to see me suffering like this and I will do every thing in my power to make him proud of me.
I miss him so much and it is not easy but the only choice I have is to keep going and try to live one day at a time.
Love to all
Muldool

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So sorry to everyone who has lost a partner. My husband died 8 months ago. I hope this picture, if you can see it, shows how in time me learn to ‘grow around ‘ our grief. Grief, represented by the ball, doesn’t become smaller, but we become more able to carry it.
I hope this helps in some small way. It has helped me, but last week I was knocked back to square one by some unkind and hurtful comments.
Take care everyone,. Surround yourself with those who understand.
Much love, Kath x

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I think some people say things that with a bit of thought they would not have. They haven’t experienced what its like to be in our position.

I had only lost my wife 1 month when someone said how you doing, I said its dam hard especially when you find things in the house that was my wife’s. The reply was, Oh just throw them all away. Unbelievable.

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I am so sorry for your loss. I am 3 months since my husband died suddenly and unexpectedly. It has been a hard and tough journey which I thought I wouldn’t get through but I have. I don’t have children but I have 4 dogs which have helped. I decided as one of my dogs is getting old that I would get a puppy which I did on Saturday. It’s sad my husband wouldn’t get to meet her but I am sure he would approve. I will start dating when I feel time right. I have message men on dating sites but that’s as far is I will go.

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