My husband died suddenly in hospital

My husband Mark who was 42 died suddenly in hospital on 10/05/20. He left myself and our daughters 22 & 14. We are all completely heartbroken. He started to feel unwell on the Monday believing he’d contracted covid 19 went off his work and was self isolating in the house until Friday when he started becoming jaundiced and told me he felt so unwell. He was admitted to hospital that day and never came home passing away on the Sunday.
He never had Covid all tests were negative, he developed haemolytic anaemia which is when your body starts attacking your own red blood cells and was receiving blood transfusions but sadly took 2 cardiac arrests and died. It’s like a living nightmare for us all. We still don’t have a cause of death as this is pending laboratory studies which will take months. We are having Mark’s funeral tomorrow. I just do not know how we will get the strength to get through each day not knowing what was wrong inside his body to cause this.

Hi. Jools1. Welcome. It’s so sudden and leaves your mind in chaos. In your case it was so unexpected which can make the pain worse. My heart goes out to you and your daughters in this awful time. I am sure you will get many replies from the kind folk on here. You are among friends. The ‘not knowing’ can cause so much agonising thought. You may be feeling that you could have done more, but how could you know? None of us knows from day to day what will happen. You have support in your family. I do hope the funeral does not cause too much pain. Where Mark has gone there is no virus, no pain or suffering. Keep in mind the man that he was, not as he was before he passed. There is very little comfort that I can impart at this so early stage in your bereavement. One day at a time we say here. You can come back and talk and we all listen because we know only too well what you are going through. Take care. My prayers and thoughts will be with you tomorrow. Blessings.

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Thankyou Jonathan123 for your kind words. I’m hoping to get some comfort knowing that others truely know my pain and heartbreak.
I lost my Dad suddenly when he was 40 he had a massive heart attack in front of myself and my brother. I healed from this so I know I am a strong person. But this was a different kind of love when it’s your soulmate.

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hi Jools1
very sorry for the loss of your soulmate.
no words could comfort you at present,but please know that several of us members
have been and are aware of the devastating emotional turmoil you will be going through at this time.hope you will find the inner strength to get through Marks funeral tomorrow,hopefully family and friends will give you the comfort support and love you will need to give you a little help over the coming days months etc.
prayers for you and your daughters.

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Thankyou Jianye
For your kind words I hope the feelings of all this being surreal we know Mark is gone but at times this doesn’t feel real which hopefully is normal to feel like this? I know it is still such early days

Hi Jools, I also had the horrific experience of my Husband having a sudden and unexpected heart attack so I know the shock you will be feeling. You will be on autopilot for a while, you are still in disbelief and denial that this has actually happened. It is very early days for you, been 6 months for me and it is like it happened yesterday. Your kids will be your saviour and you will support each other through this terrible time. We had no kids together but I have a wee dog and she is the one who makes me get out of bed or I probably wouldn’t bother. This forum has got me through my darkest days and I have made some fantastic friends who I talk to on a daily basis. You can share your fears and feelings as we are all here for the same reason, we have lost someone we loved so totally understand what you are going through. I will be thinking about you tomorrow, sending you a big hug :revolving_hearts:

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Hi Jools,
It’s still very raw for you, you will be in disbelief and shock and it doesn’t feel real.
I lost my husband nearly seven months ago suddenly and I have three daughters, my youngest is 21 and still at home, I know how hard it is to try and be strong for the kids when you’re crumbling in pain yourself, and to see your kids hurting so much is the most awful feeling in the world.
You will all get through somehow tomorrow, keep each other strong.
Keep posting on here, as you won’t feel so alone in it all , we are all here for each other every day.
Thinking of you
Steph xx

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Dear @Jools1my name is Ailie and I am a volunteer here and I just wanted to reach out and Thankyou for your post and joining us here. I am so very very sorry to hear what you have been through and loss of your lovely husband to you and your daughters what a shock this must be and so hard to take in. I hope that although it must be extremely extremely tough at the moment that you are able to breathe and and take each moment hour and day as it comes right now letting yourself feel what you need to. We are very much here for you in any way we can be over this time so please do keep in touch and reach out when you need to you are so welcome here.

Ailie x

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Such a young man it would be such a shock … my partner died suddenly too and 4 months on I still don’t feel like it can be true … you and your kids will support each other and help each other through these difficult times … come on here and unload if you need to … it’s invaluable knowing others are here and know how we feel xx

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Hi jools, my husband died May 15th from cancer. He to was my soul mate. We haven’t had the funeral yet, it will be next Friday. I find I am still in shock, I can’t believe he has truly gone. We were together over thirty years. I am a widow at 50, and it is so unfair. It’s been 15 days since he was taken and I have started to write to him every day, in a diary. I am not sure if it’s helping me, I cry all the time and sometimes the pain is so intense it overwhelms me. I don’t know what to do with myself. I have suffered a lot of bereavement in my life. I have lost two brothers, all my grandparents and my parents. It’s seems unfair to me but I wouldn’t wish it on anyone else. My husbands death is different. He has always been there, my rock. Now I want him to tell me everything will be ok, but he can’t. It’s him that I need right now, and it breaks my heart that I will never have his support and love again. He will always be my one true love, and he will always be my husband. I am not religious so I can’t offer you my prayers, I just hope that you have to strength to get through it. You will always have memories and you will always love your husband . Some people never experience true love or meet there soul mate. As the saying goes, “ better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all”

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Hi Fleur1
I am so sorry for your loss. Like you I have lost other loved family members over the years but nothing feels so bad as the pain as losing your soul mate it’s just awful isn’t it. I like your idea of writing to your husband. I have ordered a journal from amazon and I’m going to write down all my feelings and emotions from Mark being admitted to hospital until the day he passed and will write down my daily feelings. Do you have a good support network? X

I wrote as j sat by her beside . Poetry and pròse. I cannot read it.

You will one day Geoffrey, one day. Have you tried writing since? Either writing your feelings down, as Jools mentioned, or even writing to your wife. I’ve kept a journal for the past three years since losing my husband. I don’t write in it every day but it’s a great way of talking to my husband and it gives me great comfort. When I occasionally look back on my earlier writings I can see how far I’ve come. I’m a huge fan of the written word, be it poetry or prose. I enjoy writing poetry. Take your time Geoffrey, don’t expect too much of yourself. xx

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Hi crazy Kate
It’s 3 weeks tomorrow since my husband passed away sometimes I think I have accepted what happened and them boom it hits me flashbacks to him rapidly deteriorating in hospital no one expected it not us not the medical staff it just seems surreal as he was a healthy fit man, it’s just too painful at times

Dear Jools, I am so very sorry for your loss. I understand how you must be feeling. My husband died very suddenly too, no illness, fit and healthy. He had a sudden cardiac arrest and although the paramedics managed to get his heart going again he never regained consciousness. He suffered catastrophic brain damage. It is painful Jools, so painful. It’s now been three years and here I am. Anything I say to you now will be of little comfort but just knowing there are those of us who understand can help a tiny bit. Know you are not alone. Sending love xx

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I wrote within a fortnight and then closed it down and never read it again. My publisher phoned to try to get me to write again. A good bloke. From New Jersey. I simply sit here in my study armchair, listlessly staring into space. Do nothing.

Hello again Geoffrey. I can appreciate that you may not want to carry on writing your novels at present but what about just jotting down your feelings in a notebook, or writing a letter to your wife?

Thank you for thinking of me. I am so listless. Staring into space.

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Hope you find strength and courage today x

I have learnt, soldier or not, that I am a moral coward

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