My husband died suddenly in hospital

You are not a moral coward but grief stricken … you must be kind to yourself as you would a close friend and you would never say that to them … can you try to set yourself little goals of getting out in nature … it’s tremendously healing and good for our mental health … your partner would want you to look after yourself … baby steps

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Thank you for reading. I live alone in the countryside. It’s my armchair that I’m too listless to leave. I sit and brood, alone. Thanks for talking to me.

Good Evening Jools,
My husband passed away on the 16th May 20. He had cancer but we thought he would be coming out of hospital, only packed his bag for a couple of days. It’s been so difficult for us also, we’ve a daughter who’s 8 years Darren had 2 boys 19,22 and I’ve a son who lives with us 19. Darrens funeral is Wednesday and I’m dreading it.
It’s so hard isn’t it.
I can’t believe it most days. But still raw and difficult to understand what happened.
My thoughts are with you and you’re daughters. X

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Hi Yorkie
I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s heartbreaking. It’s hard trying to give your kids support when they are grieving but you are also grieving too. Although my daughters have been great and I don’t think I would get out of bed everyday if I was on my own.
I was worried about Mark’s funeral which was last Thursday but it was a lovely graveside service and my youngest daughter 14 coped very well even managed to read a poem for their Dad which I was so proud off. How are you feeling about your husband’s funeral? I feel that now Mark is at peace and we have visited his grave 3 times although it all seems a bit surreal like it’s not even his grave xx

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How about sitting just outside in your garden … sunshine and breeze on your face and a bit of luck some birdsong … appreciate any greenery even daisies or flowers … baby steps Geoffrey … we will never forget or get over our loss but we have to learn to live with it and go on hard as it is … they will always be there in our heads … thinking of them in everything we do and missing them in everything we do … I’m hoping it will ease with time and then be grateful for the time we had but I’ve not got there yet I just feel robbed of the time we should still have

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I’m getting myself so worked up. We are at the crematorium, and I’m having a stone in our Local cemetery, can just walk it down to see Darren.
I think I’m doing all this for someone else not Darren, still think he’s in the hospital. So strange,
I’m the same, wouldn’t get up because I just want Darren back and our lives to continue. I’d just cry all day and night if I didn’t have my daughter and son. We are lucky in that respect because it’s got to be so difficult if you are at home alone. X

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It’s amazing how we do get the strength to get through each day so far anyway. I feel Mark is with us helping us! You will get the strength and courage for you and you’re family for the funeral, we were all nervous about it. The 3 of us woke up with feelings of nausea and knots in stomach but it was a lovely service and I know Mark would of been so proud.
Are you sleeping ok? My sleeping not always great but I did have a lovely dream about Mark couple of night’s ago which gave me comfort.
Sometimes bed time is when I start to over think things and waking up is when that pain just hits you again xx

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I will try baby steps, broken.

The pain also comes from visualising her writhing in ICU , Broken.

I’m not sleeping and Dr has given me something to help but I still wake up about 3/4am. Must have an active brain.
It’s just extremely hard and all the other things you have to start thinking about. Never crossed my mind but Darren has always paid my phone and one of his son’s contracts. We did things the modern way as everyone keeps calling it, joint account for utilities and food and then we had our separate for our own spending and taking it in turns for going out.
Just too much to think about isn’t there. Not great when I can’t concentrate on even remembering I’ve put the oven on.
I just can’t believe there are so many of us going through all of this, you just think it’s you at the beginning.
I hope you have a good day with your girls, not looking forward to getting back into home schooling again this week but trying to keep thing as normal as I possibly for her.
Xx

Hi Yorkie
As you say you feel like you and your family are alone in the world but then you come on this chat and realise other people are experiencing the same pain & heartache that we’re going through. This is helping me even talking with you. My mum lost our Dad when he was only 40 so feel like this is history repeating itself. I know she knows how I feel but sometimes it’s helpful when you talk to someone out with your family.
Sorting out all the paperwork is a thought, I’ve only managed some things but will gradually get round to them I’m sure. I wake up every morning with such a sickly feeling that doesn’t leave me for hours it’s just horrible. Hope you manage to find the strength today. Sending hugs xx

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I am a soldier. And writer. Penny did all the accounts. I am working through them. Somehow. With each one this hardened soldier just cries. I have no living family. I think all the time of my own death. We were a unit. Together. The nature of my work meant no close friends. I thought that I was immune to suffering and death. I am not. Loneliness stalks me my only respite alcohol.

It’s so difficult, just be easy on yourself. It takes time.

Get your photos out and remember the fun times and places you went to so that you get those images away … and sit outside visualise her there pottering weeding hanging out washing whatever to flood your brain with good memories of her

So they say, Yorkie. Can my mind give it time?

Broken, all I see is her writhing in an intensive care bed, wherever I look.

Hi Jools.My name is Jeanette and I’ve been on here for over a year now since my husband died aged 67 from heart failure and other complications a year ago last April. I’m so sorry for your terrible loss and understand exactly how you are feeling. I miss my husband terribly but have come a long way in a year.The lovely people on here have been a great support and we’ve been on this journey together .We are here for one another. We are here for you.x

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Thanks Jeanette for your kind words. Everyone has been lovely and very supportive. X

I have my three sons, two still live at home, 26 and 23yrs. I have a work friend who is a great listener. Called her a lot, but John and I did everything together, in our own little bubble. We never needed anyone else. We were happy that way. I have siblings but we are not close. It’s so hard a future without my husband is unbearable. I cry all the time, but that’s grief for you. I just take it each day I feel afraid, and insecure. The one person who I relied on, who loved me unconditionally, has gone, forever. Scares me. I ask him to come home every night

Ahh Fleur I know exactly how you feel.Ive just become a Grandma again for the 4the time yesterday and became very emotional because I missed my husband sharing my joy.I lost him last year and it’s been a long hard journey we were married for just over 40yrs. I’ve also just retired and we had talked about our retirement together but it was not meant to be .:sleepy: I also have 2 wonderful son’s. It’s the emptiness you feel sometimes. I’ve been on here for almost a year and it’s been a great comfort speaking to other’s in the same position .Jeanette x

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