Sally,
We all have lost on here and I know talking helps me especially on this forum. Yes it’s difficult, but talking to each other and and with support, life feels better x
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It definitely does help to talk on her @stephenditto58 please just shout to any of us and we will try and help, all going through similar situations - i’m coming up to 9 weeks since my husband passed away and it still feels like yesterday - will it ever feel any different, i’m not sure…
I thought this was lovely and wanted to share, I apologise if I have anyone in tears…
If Tomorrow Starts Without Me (read by Tom O’Bedlam) - YouTube
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Why is it people just don’t think sometimes, my husbands ex-wife (many moons ago) dropped my stepdaughter off at our house, and just passing asked if I was back at work yet and am I keeping myself busy - I had to stop myself from saying “what on the days when i feel like I don’t want to get out of bed/have all the best laid plans to sort stuff out but just can’t bring myself to do it” Because my husband died!! People just don’t think - she lost her mam just over a year ago so she’s probably comparing it to that - or am I just being horrible?
On the days when i can’t really function properly, I think today is one of them - you could just kill someone when they just don’t think!!! Or I may be being a bit sensitive. When you are stuck in the house all the time where it happened and don’t really have any family (both parents died and only child) only his parents - its not that easy to pull yourself around.
Sorry for my rant x
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I don’t know if people don’t think when they say things or they haven’t lost anyone they truly love . Losing your husband / partner is the worst possible pain i have ever experienced. I don’t get up most days if I don’t feel like it and I’ve had people saying you have to go out do this and that . I just do what I can each day which isn’t much . I lost my partner 14 weeks ago he was my world the love of my life there is nothing now . I like you have nobody my family are not in the Uk and the friends I had are not around now . I still go hour by hour it’s total torcher without him .
Just do what you can and don’t let anyone tell you what you should be doing or feeling .
Hugs to you
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Thank you for the you tube prompt truly beautiful but I have to admit it made cry 
Here I am moaning again! 
It’s just hit me, thankfully I think I’ve went through the financial stuff snd sorted the majority out etc but I don’t think anyone in the “family” has asked if I’m ok for money or if I need any help sorting anything out, I’ve just been left to it. Now left running the house on my own. Granted I can sort it on my own but it would just be nice to be asked. I spent probably the first couple of weeks worrying about this so was contacting people to try and get sorted. I think I’m just so annoyed with the people around me, the ones who profess they are always there and then disappear!
My in laws god bless them, they go places near me whether it be shops or whatever - and then after the fact come and see me, they don’t think beforehand that I might like to go to get myself out of these 4 walls and away from things for even an hour. I think I’m going through a mega angry phase with everyone!!
Is anyone else experiencing this or maybe something similar? Xx
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I hear you yes I can relate to everything you are saying
Luckily I was ok financially
But there was never any offer for help nothing at all.
They want to sit here day in day out drinking tea what about asking me down for a coffee to there house
It has opened my eyes and honestly I don’t need any of them never have never will.
Yeah that’s what I feel, I’m ok financially (I think lol) but it would have been nice to have been asked, nothing at all. No did I need help sorting stuff out or anything. Just leave you to your own devices
Although I keep getting asked by them about money I might have got from my husband I.e policies etc and a small pension I’ve got, even asked how much I’m getting (which isn’t a great amount but helps). I’ve taken to not telling them now. Yes I’m on my own now but sometimes think I would be best off without them. They’re happy to come down to me like you say and to drink tea but ……
Hugs to you xxx
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Yes to sit and find out whatever they can to take it all back to the others
I’m lonely I’m lost I’m not in a good place but I’d rather that than have them around if it makes sense
I would never wish this on anyone
No absolutely no offer no can I help with funeral or flowers or are you ok for money. Just no offer that doesn’t sit right with me at all.
My brother-in-law said he would sort out the car insurances. We arranged to speak on the phone (he lives outside the North East) on a particular day and so I waited all morning for the call. Then when I rang him I got a text he was busy and would ring me in an hour - again waited all afternoon and for the next three days. Eventually I sorted it myself. One week later he called - no apologies nothing. I told him it was all done. Decided from then on I was on my own. Although I have adult children they both work shifts so did not want to burden them. One of my nephews wives has been helpful - she told me about the DWP grant and as a funeral director she sorted out all those arrangements for me. Our best man was a former policeman so he dealt with the police and Coroner. But my husband’s side of no help whatsoever.
It is awful I have no words on how people think it is acceptable at a sad time in our lives
This will if nothing else make us all stronger people when we feel ready
One thing I do know is I’m for nobody’s problems etc I just do not want to hear anything
People don’t realise how physically and mentally exhausting it is coping with grief hence your step-daughter’s mother asking if you’re keeping busy. I did go back to work after eight weeks but you go when you’re ready. Like you I had no family to support me so I did find the company of my colleagues helpful.
Do I have any wise words you ask. Well it’s been 13 years since my husband dropped dead of a brain aneurysm, no warning, no bump on the head. Yes it will get easier. I did a lot of walking in the countryside, started listening to classical music because love songs are everywhere and they just used to upset me.
The next year I started travelling with my daughter she was only 13 when her dad died. But as soon as she got to 17 I started travelling abroad on my own. I’m glad you’ve got friends eventually youn will want to go with them or look at solo touring holidays. Lots to think about for the future xx
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Like you, my husband died suddenly with no warning. How did you find going on solo holidays? Me and my husband loved to travel but I feel the joy will have gone if I do alone.
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I loved it to be honest. I picked somewhere beautiful, the Italian lakes. On each day trip to the various lakes and beauty spots I got off the coach and explored on my own. Then in the evening I sat on a table with two ladies back at the hotel, one widowed one divorced and enjoyed chatting and drinking wine. It was such a gorgeous place, we stayed on Lake Como, that the sensory overwhelm was enough to take my mind off everything.
There is something about travelling or exploring on your own, it’s up to you to find food, a restaurant table etc. The independent effort needed, no partner to lean on, makes you forget feeling lonely. All you feel is hungry then you sit enjoying your food and the scenery. Hope I’ve done this right, my first day posting and trying to reply to Jules4 who asked about solo travelling
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Yes, thank you. Have you gone through a specific company or different ones?
I feel like that my husband was taken to covid in January…we loved going on holiday but it will never be the same .it was so quick and sudden…
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I have been with different companies. Then in 2019 before covid I booked Eurostar to Brussells and then got the train to Germany and did a little travelling completely alone in Bavaria by train, it was amazing. Booked hotels on booking.com. I’ve missed foreign travel so much these last two years it’s such a big growth part of my life x
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I’m so sorry you lost your husband to covid stephenditto58 xx
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Hello Sia 2804,
I only found about Sue Ryder yesterday.
My husband also died in last October. Different diagnostic. He had a second haemorrhage and I spend ten days next to his hospital bed. Doesn’t matter how they died but the grievance of a husband who is your everything and made you the important person in their live that is a void that only you have to work.
I have family and friends but the void can’t be filled by nothing else.
I work but every day I come home and I talk to the cats we both got together. I was only with my husband for 9 years together and 6 years married. He was my rock and will always be grateful to have meet him.
You got to stay strong and remember your power that he always admired you for.
There will be a bump ride. But just know he always want to be with you. Just stay focus and keep putting one foot in front of the other. I truly feel your pain.
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I had the opposite problems my partners daughter “helped” with everything starting 2 days after he died I had no idea what was happening. When she left I had a nightmare trying to find out who had been contacted etc. I suppose no one knows how to “help” at such a fragile time personally I would have preferred to have time to collect my feelings before starting the process of sorting things.
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