What a beautiful song. Just echoes how it feels to lose the love of your life.
Thinking of everyone going through this right now.
Stay strong and be kind to yourselves.
LaneyB 
I met up with a couple of girls from work today for something to eat and a walk round town, which got me out for a change instead of being stuck in the house on my own (everyone who said they would be there have seem now to have tailed offā¦). We had a lovely day, I let myself smile and laugh for a change with my friends, felt almost normal for a little while.
Then I come home and feel so so alone, so lost again, so empty - every time you think that youāre getting somewhere you come back down to earth with an almighty bump. I just feel really upset now and just donāt know why. Maybe coming back into an empty house, the realisation its going to be like this forever I just donāt know. I just need him back, need a cuddle and for him to tell me its ok but iām never going to get that - how do we get through this???
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I donāt know how we get through this itās all so unbearable. Itās 14 weeks tommorow my darling left this world and 14 weeks today I was talking and laughing with him it just seems impossible I would give anything to feel his arms around me again . Itās probably because you go home and heās not there and people just go on with their lives but ours has changed forever . Itās so very hard .
Sending hugs to you take care
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I feel exactly the same. Iāve just gone for a walk to get out of the house and get some fresh air but I just feel like I am wandering looking for him. Like you, I so need a hug from him and to feel his arms around me. I just donāt see what I am working towards any mor3. Sending hugs
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I know its a little over 8 weeks for me, my friends had planned this meal, was looking forward to it but wary about going out and thought sod it iāll see how it goes. It gave me chance to talk, to listen to them and just get away from the house for a while and thought everything was ok.
Like you say its probably going back to the empty house and heās not there, he was always there and always wanted him to be there. We had had our arguments in the past but loved each other to death and I never wanted anyone else and I just canāt really see a way past it. I know its early days but everything reminds you of them. Its all the what ifs and why didnāt I do this but we can drive ourselves mad with it all.
I think the one saving grace sometimes is that we can come on here, and vent and just talk/type and we know that whoever reads it can relate to what we are saying and we donāt have to be afraid to say anything, unlike if you are talking to family etc - thanks for listening xxx
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I have been with out children and grandchildren for the week, part of which was to be able to scatter my husbandās ashes. The company was lovely, it was nice for the most part not to be alone, to have someone to talk to. But even then you sit and suddenly the world around you slows down and the kids are just getting on with their own thing (usually on their phones) and you have the sudden realisation that what you had pushed to the back of your mind because it was just too dreadful to think had occurred was real and the person you loved with every ounce of your being really has gone and you are on your own for God only knows how long.
I have returned to our empty, cold and silent house today. No one there to welcome you, give you a hug and have a conversation. You ring friends for comfort but they are busy and calls arenāt returned.
I wish I knew how to get through this - not sure I can. But I do at least know I can get support from this forum.
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The feelings that you describe are ones we can all identify with. I went for a walk yesterday and just felt that I was aimlessly wandering, lost without him. Itās so hard. Sending hugs
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My partner died suddenly of a heart attack 6 weeks ago too. We had no children together (although he had 2 from a previous relationship). I still have our dog who is bringing me so much comfort and makes me get up in a morning. Iāve just had my second vaccination and sat there with tears in my eyes recalling the last time we came together. Answering the question āHave you come on your own today?ā And stopping the tears from falling.
A friend who contacted me yesterday who I havenāt spoken to for a couple of weeks now asked how I was and when I said āUp and downā her reply was āsurely more ups than downs by now.ā She meant nothing by it, but it feels like some people think I should be over it by now. I canāt explain my love for him - my soulmate, my everything, all of my hopes and dreams, my future.
How do people answer that question - how are you? Are you ok? I donāt know how to answer anymore. I just feel broken.
I do like peopleās advice on here. It is a comfort. I do try to keep going. Dog walks, making myself get up and trying to do the daily things. But some days it is just really hard to do those routine things and I just cry most of the day. I miss him so much and still canāt comprehend that it has happened.
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I sometimes wonder whether I was naive enough to think that people āgot overā losing their soulmates so quickly before this happened to me. I hope I didnāt because even logic says that when someone has been your everything for 10, 20, 30+ years then itās going to take a lifetime. Then I used to wonder if anyone really felt the same way about their soulmates as I do but I know from the words on this forum that people do. So why people think you should be ābetterā so quickly just doesnāt make sense - unless they have not stopped to think about it for even a minute!
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I think people can be insensitive even family, my stepson (husbands son), text the other day (doesnāt really come down as much now) asking how I was. I was having a bad day and to top it off it was the anniversary of my dad passing which made things worse. When I tried to explain to him I got the answer āit will be hard, just got to try and plough through reallyā
I know everyone deals with it differently, itās his dad and itās hard for him, but I think they donāt realise itās a different kind of love - of course I loved my parents but with your partner or husband itās totally different and they were your everything everyday - and unless like you say, anyone experiences it, you donāt know how it feels or how your going to feel.
You enter into a relationship and give your all to them, leave yourself wide open, and then itās gone in the blink of an eye and you feel like your missing a limb or something.
I just donāt understand how people can think after just so many weeks you will feel ok, we will never feel ok, just hopefully find a way to cope with things but it will always be there xx
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I agree completely itās nothing like losing your partner/husband /boyfriend but loads just donāt get it unless itās happened to them .
I know I will never get over this no matter what itās the worst pain ever and my heart goes out to everyone that is suffering.
Hugs to you all
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On the days when I feel I can cope and keep it together I respond with the usual āIām okā. On the other occasions now I just give a faint smile and say nothing and if I can just walk away hoping against hope that they reflect on what they have just asked and maybe appreciate that having been with my husband for 42 years (married 38+) I will never be ok, I will never be the same person because it was always me and husband. Now alone I am nothing, donāt even recognise myself in the mirror. Also realising that I am invisible to some of our so-called friends and even one of my husbandās brothers who doesnāt want to speak unless I am āupbeatā.
I scattered my husbandās ashes this time last week. It felt unreal, that this was not happening to me and the family, that he was waiting for me at home.
No one can comprehend the pain unless they themselves are regrettably experiencing it.
Take care.
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Hi Sheila - hope you donāt mind asking but whereabouts in Tyne and Wear are you, Iām in Wallsend? X just noticed on your profile.
I understand what you are feeling I lost my partner 3 months ago and as seems to be a constant unexpectedly. He woke early morning went to the bathroom and as was normal I woke and was waiting for his return, after is while I went to ask if he was ok he said he felt really ill and couldnāt move. I called NHS helpline who asked numerous questions during this time he had managed to get back to bed but said he was in so much pain. As he laid down I noticed one of his legs was an odd colour he said he had pain there and in his stomach, they said the would send an ambulance but it could take 2 hours.
It did take over 2 hours but the paramedic who attended was very good and said I think he has a DVT and not to worry it was easily sorted but he would have to go to hospital he was just waiting for another ambulance to take him. When the second ambulance arrived and got him on the trolley is a memory that will haunt me forever being wheeled from our home alone without me. I was told to call the hospital in about an hour and they could tell me what was happening all I said to my partner was I will speak to you in a bit I thought he would be home. After an hour I called the hospital and was passed to a doctor who said he had arrived at the hospital but had a heart attack and they had put him on support and were preparing to take him to ITU. I raced to the hospital to be told I could go and see him once he was settled.
His adult children traveled from Devon so I sat at his bedside not believing this was happening just before his children arrived I was told they were supporting him to the max and if he had another heart attack there would be nothing they could do I was devastated. Once they arrived we clung to every passing hour but to no avail he was pronounced brain dead the following morning and we sat with him as he passed.
Like so many here everyone is close to start then they have their lives to live they donāt really understand the crushing feelings of loss, we were together for 29 years. I now struggle to go out on my own I work from home so it is easy just to not go out we did everything together now I donāt want to do anything. Iām still waiting for the get easier phase that I am told will happen but I donāt think the loneliness or the constant pain will ever go away. I to cry daily alone in what was once our happy home.
Sorry for the long story but this is the first time I have recounted my story so publicly but felt today reading the stories here that I could.
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LorraineG,
Life and love is so cruel. I wish I had words to make life easier but I donāt. All I can say is I will pray for you 
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I am so sorry that you are going through this journey. Sometimes you need to just take it a breath at a time. I know what it is like when your world, your future, your everything has been ripped apart so suddenly. You can sign up for counselling here or with Cruse and talk to your GP if you need support. I also found refugeingrief.com useful as itās written by someone who has gone through this journey as well. Sending hugs
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Dear LorraineG
I am so sorry that you find yourself on this dreadfully painful journey. This time last year me and husband were planning our retirement only for all our plans and future to be taken away so cruelly as a result of a motorbike accident.
I cannot imagine the heartbreak for you and your family. I did not get to see my husband, he was taken by air ambulance and although the police rushed me to the hospital he was unable to be saved. I could not bring myself to see him so our son had to do the formal identification. I was totally selfish and still suffer the guilt as I wanted to remember my husband walking up the drive giving me a smile. I did not want to see him with the injuries he clearly suffered. This event was 10 months ago and although I do not cry every hour of every day now, I still do cry on getting up, going to bed and frequent times through out the day.
I am glad that you have found the forum. There are people here who will listen and support as best they can, fully understanding the pain that you are suffering. Everyone grieves differently so please do want is best for you and take it day by day or hour by hour if necessary.
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I know for the few hours you are out it feels like some sort of normal what ever that isā¦like you say you get home and the loneliness starts and I feel so very sad and heavy hearted. U have to lovely girls who are fantasticā¦but they have there lives .and its so different coming home and no husband thereā¦sending love 
to you.my husband passed away 22nd January 2021 with COVID-19 just canāt get my head around it xxx
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Sally,
Sorry for your loss. True to say being busy and active serves a purpose but itās only temporary. Usually being home alone where your husband would and should be is emotionally painful. I hope being on here helps a little. Itās does for me and this is only my second day.
Always he to talk
James x
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Thank you . Just so hard 
. Nice to be able to chat with people who know the grief you are feeling xx
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