I’m really anxious about the winter nights coming in long and very lonely it worries me so much. Just how will we get through them.
Christmas this year will not be I can’t face it my husband was the main man on Xmas day cooking singing laughter now he has gone
2 Likes
I had the numbness to start with, I couldn’t cry. I was dry-eyed at my husband’s funeral even though I’ve cried at other people’s. It is the shock when it is so sudden I think. I’m glad being back at work is helping. I found it helped me, just thinking about something else for a while eased the pain
1 Like
Dear Ali21
I understand I really do. This Christmas will be the second since my husband died. I have two little grandsons so will decorate the tree as I did last year - very badly I have to say.
But last Christmas Eve night I drove round until I found the local ambulance call-centre and gave away all the Christmas food that I had bought. I really do not want to face this Christmas again without my husband.
4 Likes
Well it would have been our 18th wedding anniversary on Monday - i’m going to go up to the crem and take some flowers up and just sit with my thoughts and spend some of our anniversary together, I know it probably sounds daft but i’m really struggling in the lead up to this. I Thought I was doing ok but its starting to hit me all over again and have had a really bad day today.
I’ll be going up to the crem on my own, to be fair his parents haven’t mentioned it and if I go up with them i’ll feel I have a time limit to how long I can stay up there as his mam doesn’t like staying places like that and I’ll feel like I can’t just sit and think of him etc - so i’m not even telling them i’m going up and they haven’t mentioned it so i’m leaving it like that. Sorry if that sounds harsh but its our day and since this all happened, I know they have lost their son, but it seems to be all about them and although I know they’re grieving, they have each other and I think they forget that i’ve lost my everything and i’m on my own now. Its his twins birthday’s a few days later and everyone is focused on that so i’m just leaving them to it…
3 Likes
You’re right - it’s your day - yours and his. I spent the first anniversary after he died with him at the Chapel of Rest. Dreading the next one as it will bring back those memories as well as those of our happy anniversaries and, of course, the wedding. You do what is right for you to get you through another heartbreaking day. Sending hugs
2 Likes
Thank you, I thought I was being selfish but his parents tend to make it all about them and they forget about me and my feelings xx
2 Likes
Now I’m probably going to sound horrible here. My in laws came down to see me today, for the first time in 3 days of talking to me whilst I’ve been off work, they mention my husband and our anniversary, asking how many years it would have been, fair enough they couldn’t remember, They asked if I was doing anything tomorrow and told them I was going to the crem, “it’s your day” I was told, thinking this is going too good. Told me they didn’t buy a card as they thought it might have been strange, yea fair enough, could have maybe bought me a little bunch of flowers or a little token to say they were thinking about me but that doesn’t matter.
They then start talking about them, how badly it is affecting them (yes fair enough I know it is) that they’ll never get over it etc which I know they won’t. I don’t know if I’m being selfish but just for one day, one day! I wish they would acknowledge that I’m grieving for their son just as much as they are, if not more as he was my everything I spent literally every day with him, we were barely apart. We were together for 21 years day in day out - I know in his 51 years they had him that might not have seemed much but he was my everything.
They both mentioned (they are in their late 70”s) that more or less if they lost one another that the pain wouldn’t be as bad as they are feeling now as it’s natural progression!! I didn’t want to say that it doesn’t matter how old you are when you lose your other half, that it is a pain like nothing else - I did say that it’s nothing like losing your parents etc but it just didn’t seem to sink in.
I’m sorry if I sound horrible but I just feel like I don’t matter and that they are the only ones that matter, not me, not His kids just them. I know grief can be all encompassing but they are and can be very selfish at times, even when he was still alive. Sorry for the rant …….
1 Like
Hi Lorraine,
I understand completely I have friends & family around but it is so hard without my husband I cannot bear. I feel I will never learn to survive without him. Where are you in Hampshire? I am in Newbury edge of Hampshire. Just wondered if you were near me. Seems everyone on here live far away. Be nice to get together with people who are grieving the same. What do you think.
What a great idea I’m in Aldershot I think quite a distance from you which is a shame because I don’t drive 
Aldershot is not that far from me I drive. I thought I sent a private message through this site to Lindy in Swindon but she never got it. Don’t think good idea putting phone number on here, I sent it on what I thought was a private message. It obviously never worked.
Private messages should work - I have sent and received them. Click on the circle with the person’s initial and then in the box that comes up click on private message. Fill in and send.
Yes I have used private messaging and they have got through to the person.
Oh my goodness I feel for you. I lost my husband of 35 years. You are not selfish, I have lost brother, best friend, parents, in laws & many more. There is nothing to compare to losing your husband/soulmate/lover/best friend. NO ONE can understand how we feel if it has not happened to them. YES of course it horrific for them but they still got each other !!! I cannot imagine losing a child as have still got my sons but your in laws should not act like that.
2 Likes
Hi Jules that what I did as far as I know. Clicked private message then clicked message at the bottom. Is that right?
I just sent pm to you, tell me if you get it thanks
I just sent pm to you see if you get it
Dear Diane08
Received and responded back through private message.
Thanks, now how do I find it I wonder
Dear Diane08
I think if you click on your own name it lists all the posts and perhaps the messages you have sent.
Sheila
Thanks yes I discovered that , appreciate your help x