Nel
I am so sorry you are going through this traumatic time. Everything you say struck a chord with me and I am not going to say those feelings will ever go away but 14 months after losing the love of my life my wonderful husband I can say that the intensity of the distress does lessen. I really hope you have some supportive family and friends around you as I couldn’t have reached this point in my life without mine. I look back and don’t honestly know how I got here. I still get those gut wrenching feelings most days but they don’t now last all day and it’s easier to distract myself.
All I would say is when you want to cry, scream, shout, sleep or do nothing…just let it out.
Stay strong x
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Awe bless, I totally understand this, my husband died 5 weeks ago, he was absolutely everything to as I was him. He was the most romantic and thoughtful person ever, he used to drive down to my work when I was on Kate’s and leave love hearts, or rolos on my car windscreen. I am totally devasted. He passed suddenly and was only in hospital for 24hours I can really relate to what you say about the disbelief. My youngest son bought me a cushion with my favourite photo of my husband on for Christmas, I talk to I every night when I go to bed and cuddle up to it which I feel helps me when I get into what seems to be a huge bed on my own, thoughts are with you 
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So sorry @Karenlouise and others bereaved… the loss of a partner is heart breaking in every way.
Time keeps passing regardless of how you grieve and eventually things do get easier practically at least. I couldn’t see any option other than dying myself in the beginning after my husband died (October 2020)… all the problems seemed insurmountable but the biggest one being the aching in my soul for him that made every moment a waking nightmare I couldn’t escape from.
I will miss him forever but now with the passage of some time and small things (that felt like massive things at the time) solved… like blocked drains, learning to drive his car, boiler breakdown and replace, gutters fell off… i somehow find i am making a new life and I have hope for the future.
I really cannot believe that is me saying that as less than a year ago my main focus everyday was on the best way to kill myself and tidying my affairs before i did so. Now I know I will never do that.
Survive each day however you can for now is my advice, there is no right way to grieve. Sitting there staring at the wall with huge sobs wracking my body for months on end was how i did it. Others do far more healthy things like forcing themselves for a walk each day. However you do just keep surviving, nothing is forever, not even this… keep going. keep going… i really think one day you will find a way to live again but you can never have your old life back and that is a very very hard thing to realise and it takes time. Maybe you will never be as happy again (I thought I knew it all and that was a definite) but maybe you will… give yourself a chance, it can’t really get worse (hopefully). Keep talking on here, i dont have friends that are not widowed now as one thing it taught me as i don’t have patience for all that nonsense you get from others “be strong” that was mentioned in this thread already particularly urks me too (I always think what do they mean when they say that to a widow… how? lift weights? why? So i can punch people like the one giving me this crap advice harder???) .
All the best to you and sorry you are going through this but I am glad you found this site as the friends i made through this site are my future, I hope you will find a way to live again too xx
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Well since I started this thread many months ago, I had posted a message on the forum a day or two ago just regarding my counselling through Sue Ryder being cancelled because of a couple of cancelled appointments. But I hadn’t been contacted as to why I had had to cancel these appointments.
The support from yourselves on the forum was invaluable in those early days and just wanted to say thank you for listening to me at that time and since then.
Since then my reply has been deleted to my post about counselling. Was told that the forum and counselling are separate, which I understand but was just seeking advice from the forum.
I am going to be leaving this forum as if I get censored for something so simple as just asking for advice and providing a reply to a moderator - then I would rather leave this forum. I wasn’t abusive or anything along those lines and am just very disappointed.
So thank you to everyone for listening in my time of need but now is the time to say goodbye and good luck with whatever happens next with yourselves.
SJA2804
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Awe, good luck SJA2804 
I realise this post was from Jun 21, but i can relate so much to your post. I’ve just joined this group having the same cruel situation happen to me. My wife passed away coming up 6 weeks on 26th December. What was meant to be a relaxing family time - our favourite time of year - has been nothing but a living nightmare. She was fine Xmas morning when we opened presents with our 4 year old son, and we had Xmas lunch together in the afternoon. And then she started to get pains in the left side of her chest. We went to the walk in centre Xmas night - with her being so young (only 33 - but i am much older at being 50) they carried out full checks and ECG for suspected heart condition etc - nothing found. She went home to rest and come back if any changes. We thought nothing of it - she couldn’t sleep that night and spent Boxing day wanting to rest in bed to try and sleep. I entertained our boy and kept checking on her. Nothing changed until around 8.30pm when she told me her breathing had changed - so not waiting any longer i rushed her to the hospital. Within 15 minutes of arrival she went into Cardiac Arrest in front of me and our son. They tried for almost 2 hours to work on her but no success. To be going to hospital under the notion that she might get antibiotics and home in a few hours to realise she wasn’t coming home at all and i would lose my wife in this way is devastating beyond belief.
It took a few weeks of investigation for them to find a cause of death (suspected Myocarditis).
To have been together only 9 years - she was my everything and soulmate, she really was. I was lucky enough to know she felt the same way towards me. Life was perfect up to this point.
I feel like i have been robbed 35 years. She was too young to go this way.
So I feel your pain and exactly now I am at the 6 week mark as you were when you wrote your message.
I don’t know how I’m going to cope - I am usually a strong individual who shows little in terms of emotions (Before - I could count on both hands how many times as an adult i have shed tears…for 6 weeks i have not stopped). If i didnt have my son I would surely have joined her by now.
Life feels so empty and so pointless - all the dreams and places we were to travel, all now smashed to pieces. I dont want to continue without her but understand i cant leave our son with both parents lost. Life seems so desperate and hopeless its like I have been handed a life sentence.
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Oh my goodness, I am so terribly sorry for your utterly tragic loss.
Your wife was so young, you must be totally devastated. You will be looking after your little boy and you must feel in an absolute daze with it all.
I completely understand you saying life seems so desperate and hopeless.
You will be grief stricken with such a traumatic time at such a special time of year.
I hope you have family and friends to help you, although I do understand the propensity grief has for highlighting our solitude.
My heart goes out to you and your young boy who has so sadly lost his mother.
I wish you strength
Janey
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I am so deeply sorry for your loss. We are handed this life sentence within seconds. Our brain cannot compute what has happened and we then go into denial. It all seems so unreal
I thought I would have my husband forever. I never gave a thought that he may die. I still look at photographs and think where have you gone.
The pain and sadness is unbearable. I awaken feeling anxious. I have lost my reason for being here. I have no purpose and wonder when I will feel any different.
My whole life changed in an instant. I lost my safety and ability to cope with every day tasks.
You lost your wife at such a young age. It feels so unfair.
Talk to your wife and keep her in your life. Tell her you love her. There will be tears but people will understand. Cry when you need to and don’t forget to let people in. Talk to friends and family and tell them how feel
Talking to people who have suffered the loss of a partner will help. We are travelling the same journey. Sending hugs xx
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My husband died 29th Dec ,he was 53 ,I am 59 we had been together for 21 yrs married for 9…grief seems to be getting worse…anxiety, chest pain, crying ,finding a reason to carry on is difficult. I Just don’t know how I will ever feel happy again, I miss him so much I have some good friends who are really supportive but I feel like a burden because I am just so lost .My dad died 3 years ago I was devastated,but the pain from this feels very different. This site has felt like a friend when I am in a dark place .Its not nice to read that other people are broken but comforting to reach out to people who feelbthe same .I’m trying really hard to get out and about but all of a sudden feel the need to get back home …my safe place … love and strength to everyone feeling pain …grateful to be able to post x x x x
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The grief won’t go but you will learn to deal with it. Allow yourself to feel like sh!t. Allow yourself to have little treats. Don’t allow the rest of your life to be ruined though. Do things that maybe he didn’t fancy doing.
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Oh poor you it’s such a shock and so sad and your life will never be the same. It’s very early and nobody can tell you how you should feel or advice you either. Just take each day and think if you can go back to work maybe a good thing at first anyway help with long days. My husband died exactly 6months ago and I’m same as you trying to make sense of it all. He was only ill 3 weeks and just can’t get my head around it.
Don’t bottle your feelings up and talk to people everyone on here is here to help you. Take a day at a time love to you x
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What a comfort to have found this site …
Had such a rubbish day …Thankyou love you all x
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Hi anon
The pain is unbearable & unbelievable. So I really feel for u. My soul mate of 30 years died over 4 yrs ago. Im Better than I was but I still miss him every day.
Talk 2 his photos. It might help. & my husband was buried so I went 2 Cemertary very day for the first & that kept me sane.
So take care.
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thank you for your kind words was his birthday on tuesday and it was the worst ive been in a long time i dont no why x
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6 weeks is so early in yr loss. I’m surprised the is not a nut house for people who lose lied 1s.
As it is enough 2 send us off our heads.
Very day is different. Cry when u want 2.
I still cry over 4 yrs later.
& I hate living on my own.
& I’m now having 2 sell my flat & move down the coast.
@ 67 on my own.
Love 2 u all on this site.
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i recently lost my husband . i feel your pain.it all happens at once. take your time .i used the spare room bed to lay all the paperwork out to make all necessary calls.take regular naps ,walks if you can and food breaks. yes life is defo tough at moment.we just need to all stick together and share the pain. thoughts with you x
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Losing Yr husband only after 16 weeks u shouldn’t be expected 2 be over it,
u r still in the depths of grief, shock & disbelief.
I lost my husband 5 years ago.
& it took me 2 years 2 accept he had died.
& the worse part is when u walk through the door 2 Yr empty home. That’s when it hits u the most,
Reality that they r not there anymore.
It just takes time, we all adjust in our own way. So just take each day as it comes. & cry when u want 2.
Good luck x
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People just do not understand! If it happened to them they would. You can’t explain the emptiness of life without your husband/lover/partner. Just let the words roll over you, shrug them off. Easy to say, I know but, we don’t have a choice.
I’ve been out with friends today, ladies I have known for years. I was completely sidelined by them & I’m really upset & offended by the situation. I know my feelings are heightened by my grieving but, I also know when I’ve been slighted. I’m just going to have to swallow it down & rise above it. The next time we meet I’ll be ready, I can soon change the situation. Now, this the old me I know reacting, I’m pleased to say!
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thank you for your reply oh my i feel so ill i constantly sobbed all day yesterday dont want to be with anyone i just cant see the point in life now …he was my world for 40 years at moment im angry and tearful and want to lash out at everybody or just sit alone and hold and rock myself to sleep missing him but talking here helps thank you x
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Hi there I was wondering whether things are any better for you since you posted? I hope they are. My husband died very suddenly 4 weeks ago and my mother in law no longer wants me to visit. All my family are in Australia and I am struggling ….are you getting on ok?
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