My husband died suddenly

We were married on the 14. December. After exactly 15 years and two months, he died suddenly on Valentines’s Day 14. February 2023 and his funeral took place on Wednesday 14. March. On Valentine’s, I gave him my card and presents and a few hours later he left me so suddenly that I thought he had a heart attack. He told me that he loves me, was unconscious, and died a few hours later after the ambulance arrived. Because my beloved husband died at home a coroner had to be involved. My husband was sickly for about a month and we thought he had just a nasty tummy bug but the truth was that he died of undiagnosed advanced kidney cancer.
I feel completely lost without him. And only my strong belief hinders me to kill myself because the pain is unbearable. We were almost 26 years together, married for 15 years and 2 months. I have no own family left and his family cares for his parents. His father is over 90 years old and fragile and his Mother has dementia, they both lost already a son a few years ago. Now and then I get a call or email but it does not really help. I am living on Kalms and Nytol but cry every day and night. I just cannot help it, I try to keep myself busy but I have days (Easter, weekends, evenings) where I cannot stop crying and shaking all over my body. Will it ever get better? I have my beloved husband’s urn in my bedroom on his bedside. My happy life changed into an everlasting nightmare. I tried meditation, listening to music, reading a book, etc but nothing makes any sense no more. I am 62 and my lovely husband was 65. Any help would be appreciated.


@Annaessex I’m so sorry that you lost your husband the way you did. Your story is similar to my story. My husband suddenly collapsed a week before Christmas. We had our 25th wedding anniversary in September. I went to work the day before and got a phone call from my son to say that dad had collapsed. Time I got home he was gone. I did CPR until the paramedics arrived. Had a post mortem to say that he died of a massive rear saddle pulmonary embolism and had advanced kidney cancer. He didn’t know. My husband worked to the day before. I got him to the doctor’s 3 weeks before as sleeping more and had lost weight which I didn’t notice which I feel so guilty about. Only notice in the pictures of our holiday in September. Me was due for a scan the day he died. All his Christmas presents was wrapped up and my Christmas presents from my husband was unwrapped in the back room with a lovely card unwritten. He was 53 and I am 57. Absolutely heart broken :broken_heart:

1 Like

So very sorry for your loss ,lost my husband 6 months ago to a cardiac arrest,
Met him when i was 19 ,
I dont sleep at night, but i try to walk a bit ,
Know how you feel ,it seems like a bad nightmare,
Go and see your Doctor they may be able to help ,
Take care
Big hugs

1 Like

My husband lost also weight but we thought it was because of the tummy bug and that he was not such hungry because of the tummy bug. Never thought that he had cancer. Life can be so cruel. I hope that you are having support from your family, I had also his birthday card and presents wrapped up, and ready for his birthday in March.

Im so sorry for your loss id love to say it gets easier but im 4 months down this horrendous road and at times it feels worse but at times it also feels better. Sadly there are hundreds of people on here all in the same boat and you you will get some comfort from that as no matter how much friends & family try to be there forcyou unless they have lost a soal mate how can they possibly understand :broken_heart: sadly its not just one day at a time its one minute at a time best of luck and take care xxx


Thank you Susie3021. The area I live in is not really nice for walks, especially early evenings and nights. I tried to get a doctor’s appointment but they only want to give me useless telephone appointments in a few weeks I think I should see a doctor face-to-face. Thank you again and take care now. Hugs from Anna

1 Like

@Annaessex yes life is so unfair and cruel. I hate this new life and wish I could have my old life back where I was happy. I cry every day and beg him to come back. I have a few good friends and my son. No family as such. Miss him so much. Big hugs xx
Have you tried councelling?


Thank you Amanda111 for your kind advice. I try to take one step after another but sometimes it is overwhelming. Take care for now. Hugs from Anna

1 Like

I tried to get a doctor’s appointment and advice but they only want to give me telephone appointments in a few weeks. I am not sure how to get an appointment for counseling.

@Annaessex speak to your doctor as they might be able to advise you on councelling. I have been seeing a lovely lady at my doctor’s and I also pay for a private councellor. Xx

1 Like

To all of you on this post, I so understand. Im only 2weeks and 1 day in and i am so lost and hurt so much. My healthy fit husband went out for a cycle ride, suffered a cardiac arrest had CPR and heart re started. He was on life support in ITU for 5 days, then they told us he had massive brain damage and wouldn’t wake up. I know im still in shock and have just returned home after a few days with my daughters but the empty house is causing my heart to break. Every time anyone offers condolences i cry and i don’t know how to control it. I had a pile of cards to open on my doormat where everyone said what an amazing man he was but i just want him back. My heart goes out all to of feeling the same way


I cannot speak directly to a doctor because of the receptionist. They are not really helpful at our surgery.

I am sorry for your loss, my husband went the same wayDec 2021, he passed away at home suddenly, he had felt a bit unwell as he had had his covid booster the week before he thought that this was the problem. After the postmortem we found out he had enlarged prostrate which was causing urine to go back into his kidnys.
Never knew he had a problem had no symptoms


I am so very sorry for your loss ,big hugs,
Untill you have lost your soulmate no one
Understands the grief you are going through ,
I thought I was in a bad nightmare when it happened,

I do visit my husband grave about 2 times a week and play his favorite music,it’s my way of coping,
We are all on here to help one another
Take care
Sue x

1 Like

Not much help then. My doctor offered us councelling after she went through the post mortem report. Sorry to hear that you are struggling and not having any support from your doctor’s. Not good at all xx


I am so sorry for the sudden loss of your husband. I had a lot of cards from our neighbours but could not face speaking to them face-to-face but I ordered a printed thank you for your thoughts card from eBay and posted them through their letter boxes. I also had a few breakdowns in the middle of the street. It is very difficult to control these outbreaks. Take care for now. Hugs from Anna


Hi Anna,
You should insist on seeing a Doctor ,
I lost my husband on a Friday October 2022 in the evening and I got to see my Doctor on the Monday ,

She gave me sleeping tablets for 2 weeks to help me sleep ,they did help a bit ,
When I saw her last I was so tearful she gave me 2 different types of antidepressants,
Which I’m not taking ,

Hope you have good friends and family around ,
I have my mother and some good friends close by, and my husband cousin ,she has been good with me ,
Take care
Big hugs xx

1 Like

Oh annaessex I do so understand. My husband John of 38 yrs died suddenly 6 mths ago today.
I cry most days but have tried so hard to get on with some sort of life as John would have wanted.
It was my 70th birthday last Tuesday and we were going to celebrate somewhere exciting as we loved our holidays. Just feeling so sad but I am a positive lady and know that it is me who has to get used to being on their own. Very hard when you think you have many years together yet

You will feel stronger in time and even start doing things on your own . The pain eases a bit and you will learn to live with it as we all have.
I go to a Bereavement Cafe in my town Bury St Edmunds. Its every Wed for 2 hrs , chatting to men and women in the same situation. It really helps. Its run by our local Hospice St Nicholas.
See if there’s something similar near you. There are lots of groups online Would recommend it rather than seeing Doctor or taking medication.
Thinking of you and take care
Love xx


Thank you for your advice. Take care for now. I will find out if there is a bereavement group close by. Hugs from Anna

@Annaessex , @Hazel.1966 @Susie3021 & @Amanda111
Thinking of you all as you suffer this dreadful grief after losing the love of your lives.
I lost my darling husband of almost 29 years last April. It will be a tear on 25th so a day I am certainly not looking forward to.
I will say though that most days my pain is less and my tears are fewer although although they still come. I am making a life and some aspects of it are enjoyable.
I know I am lucky as I still have one of my daughters living with me which means the house is not very often empty. She has a learning disability so needs a lot more help from me than an average 25 year old and is a long way from independent.

You are all still in the very early stages of his terrible grief and there is no pattern to follow so nobody can predict how it will be for you each day. We are all different in how we see things and what we have experienced in our whole lives. I just thought you’d like to know that there can be a life after this terrible loss, even if it’s not the life we really want. I still count a year as early days and I know I will never get over losing my Richard but I am determined to do him proud and not let grief take my life too. He did so much to look after our home and his farmland and he inspires me to work hard to do the best I can to do so as well.

Don’t expect too much of yourself too early as the shock numbs you to begin with then, as the realisation that this is real can make it all seem so much worse.
Remember, everything is normal in grief and our brains need time to absorb and rewire so it is exhausting.

Sending love to you all
Karen xxx