To everyone who has lost someone they love, i found this poem
If we are fortunate, we are given a warning.
If not, there is only the sudden horror,
the wrench of being torn apart;
of being reminded
that nothing is permanent,
not even the ones we love,
the ones our lives revolve around.
Life is a fragile affair.
We are all dancing
on the edge of a precipice,
a dizzying cliff so high
we can’t see the bottom.
One by one,
we lose those we love most
into the dark ravine.
So we must cherish them
without reservation.
Now.
Today.
This minute.
We will lose them
or they will lose us
someday.
This is certain.
There is no time for bickering.
And their loss
will leave a great pit in our hearts;
a pit we struggle to avoid
during the day
and fall into at night.
Some,
unable to accept this loss,
unable to determine
the worth of life without them,
jump into that black pit
spiritually or physically,
hoping to find them there.
And some survive
the shock,
the denial,
the horror,
the bargaining,
the barren, empty aching,
the unanswered prayers,
the sleepless nights
when their breath is crushed
under the weight of silence
and all that it means.
Somehow, some survive all that and,
like a flower opening after a storm,
they slowly begin to remember
the one they lost
in a different way…
The laughter,
the irrepressible spirit,
the generous heart,
the way their smile made them feel,
the encouragement they gave
even as their own dreams were dying.
And in time, they fill the pit
with other memories
the only memories that really matter.
We will still cry.
We will always cry.
But with loving reflection
more than hopeless longing.
And that is how we survive.
That is how the story should end.
That is how they would want it to be.
@Freefaller I so understand …exactly the same situation as I went through. My fit and healthy husband went out on his normal cycle ride, had a cardiac arrest and never came home. He was also in ICU for 5 days before the said there was no more they could do and switched the machines off … I am now 11 months through this journey and whilst it does get easier, there are always going to be triggers that will bring you crashing down again … Mine at the moment is that one year ago now we were boarding a cruise ship to celebrate his birthday …he would have been 70 next week, and then the anniversary of it all is next month … so I am bit of a wreck at the moment .but, I know I will come out the other side of it somehow, which I didn’t know 11 months ago … so hopefully that will help.
Audrey54
So very sorry for your loss,
Know how you feel lost my husband to a cardiac arrest,6 months ago, whilst driving,
It just feels like a bad nightmare,
Know the feeling about Birthdays Anniversaries,it so difficult
I have my husband Birthday coming up in June so I am dreading that ,
I do visit his grave sometimes twice a week and play his favorite music,
Take care
Hugs
Sue x
@Audrey54 @Susie3021 . Its been a hard day today, the celebrant came to discuss the funeral service. My 3 children and i chose the photos for the reflection time and the order of service. I dont know how i got through it. I had not long ago planned my dad’s funeral with the same celebrant. I feel very numb this afternoon, I’m sure the tears will fall later. I just cant believe this has happened and i miss him so much. Thank you for your kind words, i know birthdays and anniversaries will be hard. On the day of his funeral we were going to the canaries for a holiday. I must admit the future looks bleak and lonely.
Hi i too lost my partner of 17 years suddenly it was a shock the only thing keeping me going is my teenage children but i totally understand your feelings everything seems pointless without him but i have been told over and over again that i will learn to cope one day at a time which i am trying to do its so hard but i have ro beleave that this pain will ease and one day i will accept he has gone
Take care sending hugs
Freefaller,
So very sorry for your loss ,
Hope all goes well with the funeral
Life is so horrendous without our husband
I don’t know how I got through the funeral,
I did go to see him in the chapel of rest the afternoon before with my son and as I left there I felt a calmness as if my husband was giving me strength ,
Big hugs
Take care
Sue x
Catherine 1234,
So very sorry for your loss ,
Sometimes you feel like it’s a bad nightmare,
I try to keep busy but life will never be the same again ,
My son lives over a 5 hours drive away ,
I hate driving far, as my husband had a cardiac arrest whilst driving,and I managed to stop the car safety ,
Take care
Everyone is very supportive on this forum,
Big hugs
Sue x
Hi, I’m sure once the funeral is over you will feel some slight relief and yes the future may look bleak but the sun will shine again and instead of crying every time you think of him you will smile. It’s been two years for me and never a day goes by when tears feel my eyes when I think about him and what we would be doing. Instead I’m planning stuff to do alone or with my sons and their families.
Wishing you every bit of happiness you can grasp from this awful situation.
My partner’s funernal was last week we had to wait a long time because he was young and we didnt no why it happened the funernal didnt make things better for me i too visited my partner at the chapel of rest it was heartbreaking but i to felt some calm when i was with him this is so hard
My family have been great but everyone as there own lifes and i find myself on my own more and more that hits me more me and my partner did everything togather we had no separate hobbies we did it all togather… i talk to him alot that helps a little
Sending hugs to all xxx
@Catherine1234 It is so hard, but somehow you will find the strength, I found the days and weeks after my husband’s funeral more difficult, its been 13 weeks for me now, but there are glimmers of light when at the beginning I could only see darkness. We step forward on this journey together here, holding each other up when we need, and giving our love and support to others when we can. We CAN do this together. Much love xxx
So true it is very hard, my husband died suddenly Dec 2021, because of Christmas and New Year we had to wait for the postmortem so werent able to have his funeral till the February. During this time it felt as though it wasn’t real, j would hope to see him come through the door or down the stairs. I wanted to wake up and find it had been a very bad dream. It was like living in limbo. It hit home the day of his funeral he wasnt coming back, he had really gone. 14 months on i still have bad days, nights are the worst, but im getting there. I can think of him and smile now. He was always an outgoing person and would hate for me not to have a life. We had many plans that we were going to do together, some of them i will do on my own now as he would want me to. Taking one day at a time i think is the answer. There are days when i feel as though i am moving backwards, then another day i feel as if i am achieving something, like i redecorated the spare room which is something he would have done, i have now started on the bathroom. Though sometimes i wonder if its worth it as he isnt here to see the end result plus next year i plan on selling up as i need to downsize due to the onset of arthritis. He used to say he could see himself pushing me around in a wheelchair by the sea. Well the sea is where i hope to be going but not in a wheelchair. Wherever i go he will be with me as i have his ashes so we will always be together. We had been married 53 years.
Taking life one day at a time is my way forward. Like many on this site its a future we didnt ask for but have to live on.
Sending hugs to all xxx
Tonight i had my first outing on an evening since my husband died suddenly 3 weeks ago. It was my granddaughters 8th birthday and i gave her the presents i had bought with my husband. My son has 3 girls and they were all loving and cuddly to me. I kept it together really well until my son dropped me off and then i wept and wept. I remembered going out with them on her 7th birthday and all the birthdays of the other grandchildren and thought he will never do this with me again. We will never sit in bed and talk over the evening together again and i am finding this thought unbearable. How do i deal with this and all the other special occasions he will be absent from?
My husband died suddenly at 53 and will never get to see our only son get married or be a grandad or retire from work as still had another 12 years to go. It breaks my heart and wonder how I will manage when his best friend hits those Milestones. Will be a stab in the heart.
Hi Freefaller
I so understand you. I feel exactly the same. We did everything together and enjoyed the holidays, football, cinema , eating and having a drink out and just going out for the day or weekends away.
John has been gone 6 mths now and have tried doing some of these things thinking I would still enjoy them but it is horrible ,lonely and sad and find I cant do them anymore, without him.
I am 70 and John was 72 and I thought we had at least another 10 yrs of doing things together. We were both fit and healthy.
But you never know what’s round the corner. Life is so cruel .
Try to be positive that there a life of some sort for us. You have family who are there for you and give you hope for the future. Keep going. Thinking of you and send love and hugs xx
keep talking to him. I talked to Brian all about what’s on telly. I have a discussion with him I’ll treat it like he’s still there. I can hear him laughing specially at married first sight when I’m moaning.
I have his ashes on my sideboard and his photographs and I go on and on just like Gogglebox. Close the blinds say good night to him come to bed. Have a cry get up say good morning to him I feel close to him that way we all deal with things differently. This is my way
Thank you for all your support. I am having a bad day again but that seems to be my normal life for now. Sending lots of love and hugs to everyone from Anna.
… I am now 11 months through this journey and whilst it does get easier, there are always going to be triggers that will bring you crashing down again … Mine at the moment is that one year ago now we were boarding a cruise ship to celebrate his birthday …he would have been 70 next week, and then the anniversary of it all is next month … so I am bit of a wreck at the moment .but, I know I will come out the other side of it somehow, which I didn’t know 11 months ago … so hopefully that will help.
