What do I do now? My husband died after having 2 strokes 3 wks ago. I can’t go on,he was only 53
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I am so sorry for your loss but I know that words can’t ease the pain. My husband was only 50 and died suddenly without warning 3 months ago. It is so hard when wonderful people are taken from us when they were (and still are) our whole world. People on this site will understand so keep posting. You can also sign up for Sue Ryder Counselling or you can contact Cruse. I have found my GP supportive but I know that can vary. At this early stage, all you can do sometimes is just take the day breath by breath. I have found getting out for a walk has helped me but I avoid places where there are lots of people. The website refugeingrief.com is also useful as it’s written by someone who lost her partner. Take support wherever you can. Sending hugs
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I am very sorry Angelina. It’s not fair and it is just a bewildering world that opens up.
My husband died in October. A little younger and also suddenly so I have a bit of an idea how you may feel. I am still shocked now when I wake up and my whole life is different because he was my life. He wasn’t just my best friend but my only friend. I don’t drive, don’t know how to do anything… couldn’t even lock the front door as id hardly ever used my key because we were always together. He looked after me and I depended on him so much for every aspect of my life and I was so happy and I love him so much.
My mum kept me going in those early days. She literally slept with me for months as I went like a baby again. I wasn’t even grateful as I wanted to kill myself and felt she and my close family were always in the way. I managed to get through to the funeral because there are all those hideous things authorities casually tell you to do… (post mortem, death certificate, all those funeral details, telling people, hiding bloody flowers and cards I don’t want from myself).
Talking on here helped me see this abnormality was normal and I just got through each day minute by minute trying not to think about past future or more than I had to, to get through the minutes.
Drs gave me diazepam (valium) to stop the shaking, panic attacks. I didnt want to contact the dr but in hindsight that was one of the most useful things I did. Also keeping talking was and trying to focus on the basics… eat… rest…hydrate… move…minimum stuff to keep surviving.
I’m now no longer suicidal. I still can’t think about the future. I still don’t know how to do a lot yet somehow I’m surviving each day and now I’m working again and trying to get on my feet so I won’t lose our house. I am on medication (anti depressants), counselling, sleeping in my mums sofabed, still cry most days but it’s getting less overwhelming. There are times I laugh and have fun like I used to now. They are mixed with the other times every day but it gives me hope. The grief for my husband doesn’t get less but somehow I am becoming more… I still don’t know a lot how to survive this or what we are supposed to do but somehow time is passing and I’m becoming a new person in order to survive.
Keep talking and keep asking for help and most importantly keep breathing xx
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Thank you for your kind words. I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope today was a better day for you x
Thank you for your reply and kind words and advice. I’m so sorry for your loss,its very overwhelming isn’t it. Life can be so cruel x
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I know we are not youngsters I am in my 70s and my husband was 80. Last Sat we went out for a meal with our son and wife and had a lovely evening. My husband was very fit played golf twice a week walked and never complained of feeling ill. In the early hours of Sunday morning he made a rasping sound and just died for no reason. I did CPR whilst waiting for the ambulance but he was gone. My family have been amazing but J can’t get my head around it and feel numb and detached. It is agony waiting for the post mortem I just want to know what happened. I am so scared if my life without my rock by my side. How do other people cope with this.
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Dear AH2424
Regardless of age or time spent with our soulmates the depth of love and the level of grief we feel after they have gone is overwhelming. I am so sorry for your loss can only imagine how traumatic that morning must have been for you.
I lost my husband in September following a road traffic accident so I have some understanding of the impact of sudden loss and then all the processes that we have to go through as a result of this.
Grief generates so many emotions. Living without the person we turned to for reassurance, love and support creates an enormous sense of fear amongst other things. Use all the support that is offered from family and trusted friends. As a precaution I also talked to my bank (in person) so that they could put in extra safeguards around our bank accounts etc.
In the early months I just had to take a day at a time and sometimes a minute at a time. You will have so many different arrangements to make and you will still be in shock at this early stage.
Hopefully your son and his wife will be there to support you through this.
Take care.
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Thank you so much. I just feel so scared and vulnerable at the moment. I can’t believe the suddenness of it all and can’t imagine my life without him. I kind of feel detached and numb and distant from it all. Maybe when I know what caused it it may help. So sorry to hear of your loss. You would know what the shock is like. When you lose someone because of an illness it’s devastating but you have time to prepare yourself. My fit husband went to bed and died. Why? Thank you for allowing me to spill this out to you. It’s sometimes easier with a total stranger.
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It is so hard. My 50 year old husband went out for a run, collapsed and died. No warning. We are still waiting on the Coroner’s report so don’t know why. It is a shock, no goodbyes, no reason, so cruel. Sending hugs
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Same for me,we had had a lovely day,went to bed as normal and then woke up to my darling,fit,strong husband had a stroke. The scared and vulnerable feeling is a constant x
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Thank you all so much . I know I am not on my own. I really feel for you all too x
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This forum allows us to share our thoughts without being judged. People are supportive because they understand our grief and the impact of our loss.
I remember after my husband died I felt I was looking in on someone else’s life and not my own. I had only spoken with him three hours before the accident.
Your right it is easier to speak to strangers. Friends and even some family cannot or do not want to listen or hear what we need to say.
Take care.
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Dear AH2424, my heart goes out to you. The suddenness of it all must be devastating. My wonderful husband died 7 weeks ago after a 20 month illness with inoperable Bowel cancer that spread to his lungs and liver. The diagnosis came out of the blue. He was a very fit 70, a sailor, carpenter, retired police officer. Yes, I did have time to say goodbye and I don’t know if this will be any comfort to you when I tell you that he said ‘There’s a lot to be said for just ‘going’. I have to agree with him because I saw my big strong, capable husband deteriorate over time. Depending on me to wash him and feed him. It was so demoralising for him and he had so long to think about how and when he was going to die.
I’m a retired nurse and used to life and death. Was I any more prepared for him to die than you were? No. Nothing can ever prepare us for losing the love of our lives.
I’m scared of life without him, in fact I didn’t want to live without him. Every day I think that I am one more day closer to being with him again eventually. But we carry on. I cried most days initially, still cry sometimes when I’m alone or when I see a trigger, like a couple holding hands. It gets me out of the blue. I can’t stop myself.
It’s early days for us both and a lot of others like us. I’ve been assured that it will get better. My own philosophy is that time isn’t a great healer, we just learn to live with it.
Your family will help you through, we’re lucky in that respect aren’t we? So, try to keep going from hour to hour if you can’t do day to day. That’s how I’m surviving. X
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My 50 year old husband(we had been married for almost 28 years) died suddenly in October from heart failure without warning. I still feel like he’s going to walk into the room and miss my best friend so very much. I wonder when this feeling of unrealness will pass.
Sometimes when I’m at work I fleetingly think about sharing something that’s happened with him when I get home and then I remember… and I feel so alone. I have had to be strong for my teenage children but I sometimes wonder if I am repressing my grief to get through. I can’t let myself feel anything or I might lose control. I feel vulnerable and find myself catastrophising a lot, when I wasn’t a worrier before. Basically I am a changed person - I don’t know who I am any more or what my future will be, apart from lonely once my children leave home.
Sorry that my reply doesn’t really help you other than to say that you aren’t alone in coping with a life changing and terrible thing. Just keep on putting one foot in front of the other and hopefully, gradually, some joy will return xx
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Thankyou everyone fit your replies. You have helped me so much just knowing I am not on my own with all these emotions. Even though I have a lovely family I am so scared of being on my own without my lovely husband at my side. I fear if I get too upset that I will never stop crying. Its not knowing what happened us agonising and I just want the post mortem done. I did CPR on him guided by the operator on the phone whilst waiting for the ambulance but it wasn’t enough. Thank you again everyone I appreciate every reply.
That echos exactly how I feel - my husband died with warning at the age of 50 three months ago. Sending hugs
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*without warning
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In the past 32 years me and my wife had all sorts of ups and downs: In better days it was full of joy and laughter; in worse days we had each other to lean on and shoulder to cry on.
With her gone it’s a life so unfamiliar which there is no one to share my joy and sorrow. To me it’s a life which has lost its meaning.
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I know exactly what you mean. I feel the same way. A meaningless existence.
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It’s only been a week since my husband suddenly died after a lovely evening out. The post mortem is on Wednesday so hopefully it will establish why? At the moment feel I don’t want to be here without my husband. What is the point. He was my love, my life.everything seems so pointless and meaningless. I know I am lucky to have a lovely supportive family but all I want is my husband. Will I ever feel any better as at the moment I can see no future at all.
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