My husband

Terminal illness
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Hi, I’m new.
My husband was diagnosed with Stage IV Prostate cancer in 2018. He was on the PEACE III Trial until September when he was told by his Consultant that his cancer had spread. He’s been given a 12-24 months prognosis and is now on palliative chemotherapy.
We’re in utter heartbreak.
I’m so fearful for the future as I’ve nursed so many people at End of Life, so I know how this goes.
I just can’t believe he’s now Terminal and I’m losing him.

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Hello @Judy60,

I’m so sorry to hear about your husband - that is heartbreaking.

You are not alone. You might want to connect with @Nori, who joined the community for support with her husband’s terminal cancer. You can read her first thread here, in which she shares a bit of her story.

You may also want to read our support on page Anticipatory grief, the grief we feel when someone we love is diagnosed with a terminal illness.

Take good care and keep reaching out,

Seaneen

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I’m so sorry to hear your husband has now passed away. I feel for you and your family.
I can’t even begin to thank you for those words. You know exactly how I’m feeling.
Likewise, stay strong and live the life he would have wanted for you.

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Hi ! I’m sorry to hear your sad news and yes ! we do know how you are feeling. My wife was diagnosed with MDS 18 months ago and we were reassured to know that chemotherapy would control it, 7 months ago we were told the chemo’ had stopped working and that she had 6 to 8 weeks to live,she survived 7 weeks and to this day 5 months on my mind and body just cannot accept it.
I tell you this to demonstrate that I know how desperate you will be feeling,even seeing other people go through it within your job won’t protect you sadly.
All I can say is that no matter how much we talked before Jacky died I still feel massive grief that I may not have said everything,that she didn’t know the depth of my love for her,that I would have changed places with her quite happily,and lots of other things so please please don’t waste a single minute. I wish you all the strength you will need.
Mike.

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Hi Mike. I’m so sorry to hear your story. I’m sure you did absolutely everything to make sure Jacky knew how very loved she was. Thank you so much for taking the time to share a your story in reply. It’s so good to know (in a completely selfish way) that I’m not on my own. Thank you. Good luck.

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@Judy60 you are definitely not alone. My wife, Jaq was diagnosed with Lymphoma in Dec 20 and told in Jan 23 that her last treatment had failed and there was nothing else. She was given a prognosis of 8-12 weeks, she stayed with us until the end of September… Her cancer nurse admitted in June that timelines are pure guesswork and they don’t really know…
Talk to each other, decide what you both want going forward and do whatever you feel makes you both happy.
Love and hugs…Pete

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Thank you so much Pete. I’m so sorry to hear about your wife.
Everyone is helping me realise I’m not alone in my grief.
We’re trying hard to do lovely things, but we always have, and will continue for as long as possible.
Thank you so much. Take care.

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I’m so very sorry to hear you sad news my husband was diagnosed March 2021 was incidental finding attended A/E with chest pain found bowel cancer spread to liver lungs we sadly lost him February this year he was 58 , don’t ask me how but we do cope best we can it’s very difficult time for you take care :heart:

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Hi Rugby. I’m so sorry that you recently lost your husband. Thank you so much for your support and kind words. Knowing there are others going through the same, or similar situations , helps. Take care.

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Hi Judy

So sorry to read your sad news. :kissing_heart:
I’m new on here aswell and my husband is terminal with Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis. Diagnosed 2 years ago with deterioration rapid over the last 6 months.
I have good and not so good days.
Being all cheerful on the outside but am broken on the inside.
Find myself thinking of the future without him and how I’m going to cope.
I am grieving for the life we won’t have, after working hard all our lives and feel both angry and cheated.
When I look back prior to diagnosis and everything we have done, holidays, fun times etc it’s probably lots more than others achieve but I’m just devastated beyond words.
I really do understand what you are going through. Xx

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Thank you for taking the time to reply. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband too. We actually mirror each other, I feel exactly the same. We have also had a wonderful life together, travelling extensively and have been very busy and lucky in our experiences. I absolutely ‘get you’ when you say you feel cheated. Forever isn’t and never will be enough for me.
Look after yourself so you can care for him and accept help when you need it. Best wishes.

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Thank you Judy and the same to you.
I’m here if you need to chat at all. X

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…and likewise lovely

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@Judy60 I am so sorry that you and your husband are going through this. So heartbreaking and unfair, life is so cruel.
I lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly at Christmas from a rear massive saddle pulmonary embolism and undiagnosed kidney cancer which was in both kidneys. Just went to the doctors but too late as hadn’t had any tests. He was 53 years old.
I never got the chance to say I loved him and how I felt about him. I was out shopping and missed the phone call from my son to say that my husband had collapsed. Time I got home he was gone, I did CPR on him but didn’t succeed. I guess there is no easy way to go and seeing your love one decline must be very hard. I just wish that I could have taken care of my husband. The hardest thing is not having answers or no closure as such. I really wished that I noticed that he had lost weight and was poorly but I didn’t. Please take care and sending you both lots of love and hugs xxx

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Hazel, thanks so much for replying and sharing what is such a heartbreaking story. I guess the point is that we’re never prepared for losing our loved one, whatever the circumstances we find ourselves in.
I’m sure however, throughout your life together he knew how much he was loved and cherished by you. It’s always the ones who are left who struggle with their life going forward, no matter how prepared you are. As Queen Elizabeth II once said, Grief is the price we pay for love” and it’s horrendous, but normal.
I wish you a bright future and take the time necessary to be kind to yourself x

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Thank you so much for your kind words. At times I nag him and he was quite irritable at times which was most probably the illness. I do hope that you are getting support for your husband as going to be so tough for you. Please take care and I’m here for you
Sending a big hug xx

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@Judy60
Hi Judy,

I just read your post and was in floods of tears reading it :sob: because unfortunately and Unbelievabley I’m also losing my Husband of 30 years, the Consultant’s told me he’s Terminal :sob: I can’t believe it, I feel physically sick with absolute Fear of losing him because we have no children it’s just us two so when he goes I will be completely alone and I can’t help but think I’d rather go with him than continue without him in this CRUEL world :sob:
I just wanted to send you a :people_hugging: Hug to say I feel your pain. xx

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@Devastated_Wolf
I too understand your anticipatory grief. If you follow Judy’s post you will see my husband is terminal with pulmonary fibrosis.
He is deteriorating so quickly, dependant on oxygen and our life has changed so much.
Am always here for a chat if you wish.

Please remember you are never and never will be alone. Make sure you look after yourself aswell.

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@Suebuzz

I’m so so sorry to hear about your Husband :disappointed:
My Husband was actually given a Terminal diagnosis around 5 years ago because he actually had IPF like your Husband :disappointed: Then my Husband was given another chance at life when he received a double lung transplant and we were thinking with this Unbelievable Gift we were so lucky and we could continue our lives together but unfortunately after spending 4 months in ICU then 5 weeks on the transplant ward my Husband has been constantly fighting with Rejection ever since his transplant surgery 3 years ago :disappointed: and now his consultant says he has Chronic Rejection which there is NO medicine or Treatment for and unfortunately they can’t do anymore to help him :sob: our hearts are completely :broken_heart: broken.
My Husband is on oxygen too, my front room is like a little hospital ward with his oxygen concentrator, ventilator machine and nebuliser :disappointed: I care for my Husband 24/7 and he takes his morphine every 2 hours round the clock, I’m completely exhausted :sob: I can’t believe it’s come to this after everything my Husband’s been through to actually be given a Terminal diagnosis twice in his life just seems so so cruel :disappointed:
But THANK YOU Suebuzz for your message it really means a lot with everything you’re going through too I just really Reeeeeally wish neither of us were going through this :sob:
I’m sending you big big :people_hugging: hugs and I’m also here for you too​:+1:t3: message me anytime I’m awake at all hours anyway :+1:t3::people_hugging: xx

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Hi Lovely

Sending love and support right back to you and absolutely understanding your situation as you write it.
It’s heartbreaking for you so I hope you have some good family and friends support. We’re just taking a day at a time and lots of deep breaths at the minute to be honest.
Obviously I don’t know your detailed situation but would love to help if I can as I was a District Nurse.
Keep in touch.

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