My life is pointless

Hi @Mabel2
So sorry for your loss.
I was with my husband for 38 years married 35. He passed away suddenly unexpectedly on illness at 63. Having spent more than half my life with him at 66 i am now struggling to find myself on your own is no fun.
No family here to support me so having like yourself to do on my own.
Trying to keep myself going. Trying to make new friends and keep busy.
8 months on somedays not great other days passable but the tears and grief are always not far away.
I have had a testing few years 3 years ago rare ovarian tumour 2 operations and now 3 month monitoring feeling ok.
My husband then passed away and his brother had lung cancer and ongoing treatment. One of my husbands workmates who was at my husbands funeral passed away at 66 no underlying illness. Then my mum who has dementia having to go into care home and selling her home to pay for care.
Life has been trying.
But i am trying to stay positive and get through life. We really don’t know whats around the corner.
Please do look after yourself and keep going.
Hopefully we will all get through these hard times
Lynne :heart:

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So sorry for your loss. Yes, not being needed any more is hard, as is the loneliness. It sounds like you have a lot of stories to tell, and have had a full, interesting life. Could you start to write them down to give to your son one day? Just a bit each day, building up into a little book of your life. Talk to the page; I know it’s not the same as sharing memories with a person, but it could be something that in the future will be treasured, read and re-read.

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What a lovely idea

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Catrin1, that is a lovely suggestion for a lot of people, but I have been keeping diaries for over 50 years. Everyone should do it. When you have lost the love of your life, and your reason for living, even reading about every day things makes you smile for a minute. It also brings back memories that you had long forgotten. Memories are all that we have now.

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Hi honey same as myself my husband had a stroke may last year was doing amazing with his recovery but sadly out of no were he had another stroke in his sleep on 39 th August I miss him terribly I’m not coping at all I just want to be with him now x

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Hi @Irenewarr22
Sorry to here about your husband.
It seems to be after a few months of well coping then the wave of grief comes back and hits you and you’re back to the start.
I have tried to keep busy go out talk to people but im still lonely when i get home.
This house we both wanted a bungalow just outside Edinburgh was our dream he took early retirement in Feb and in Jun 23 he was gone. In this house were he died holds lots of good times but the last one i remember was when he died.
Our retirement taken away from us he worked from 15 to 63 years so lifetime and no retirement. I took early retirement 3 years back but volunteer for Macmillan but not been able to go back yet.
I try to be strong and cope survive but each day is a challenge
Take care
Lynne :heart:

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It’s a hard slog isn’t it grief :broken_heart:

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It is so hard, and you manage if it is worth making the effort to appear happy in front of other people. I wake up in the morning, and straight away I realise that I am on my own. I make myself get up and shower, and have some breakfast. Then, what do I do? I don’t want to do anything. What is the point, nobody will care. The hours go by, until it gets dark. Then I am on my own, with only the TV for company. It is difficult to concentrate, without my husband to share things with. Then to bed, and that is the worst of all. I always cry. It is all so pointless without him.

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@Lully Im just same. I do all the mundane jobs around the house and then think, why . Who is there to care. Friends and most family seem to have disappeared and can’t really blame them as they have their own lives to live but I hate mine at the moment. Sending you a virtual hug. Ann x

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That sounds so familiar to me .
The “what’s the point”
And crying
I did some house dusting and thought the same
I wake up and thought the same .
Grief truly is s…t

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@wilderness Sending you a virtual hug too x Ann

Dear Lully,
I so understand how you feel, especially the crying all day bit. After a long marriage, it is the hardest thing in the world to be without that special person. My husband died nearly four years ago and I still cry frequently. I think after such long marriage, we are entitled to grieve however we feel the need. Wishing you all the best x

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Hello everyone I’ve just been reading all your stories I’m the same still crying every day for my husband after we were together for 51 years trying so hard to move on but that doesn’t seem to be happening and like you I feel my family are fed up with me crying and being miserable I know my daughter doesn’t like talking about him as she’s told me she hasn’t grieved yet since he passed10 months ago were I just like talking about him I know I should respect what she wants but feel with her being my daughter I should be able to talk about her dad I do try to respect what she wants but its very hard and upsetting

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I know just what you mean. Talking about my husband is the thing I like best. Otherwise, it’s as though he was never here. I want things around me that remind me of him. I ‘talk’ to him, even though I know he can’t hear me. The silence in the house is the worst thing. It used to be a happy house, but not anymore. I don’t want to move on without him.

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i know how you feel my husband had a stroke and died in 2018 i feel so lost without him x

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Hi Lully I don’t really want to move on without my husband don’t want to leave him behind but he’s in my heart and I have know option as time is passing by that quickly I know I have to move forward, as you say the house is so quiet and lonely that’s so true my husband loved music playing he said a house wasn’t a house without music but I can’t put the radio on as most of the songs have meaning butva do push myself you take care

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Yes I know what that’s like no one talking about our loved one , like he’s been forgotten , and people around me not really wanting to ask me or hear my answer how I am and it’s only been 4 months.
People who are not in our shoes can’t sustain their understanding and therefore stop .
I too can’t put music on in the house anymore we loved our music I just can’t .

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Hello wilderness so sorry for your loss whether people like it or not I’ll continue talking about my husband I just don’t want him to be forgotten I sometimes think people think after a while your ok they don’t realise what grief really is and how your in pain and aching inside, you take care

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Wilderness look after yourshelf

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Mabel2. 8 months on now and I still feel empty apart from the constant anxiety and fear. When my husband died I felt I had been hit by a train and all parts of me scattered everywhere. I’m trying to locate all those parts and somehow put them back together but every bit of me hurts and I fear I never will be able to go through life unaided again. I am changed and I don’t recognise the woman I used to be. Counselling, talking, nothing seems to help as nothing matters any more. I go to bed I get up because it’s God’s will. My heart and thoughts are with all of you carrying grief. Mabel2 x

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