Hi @Mabel2
I know exactly how you are feeling
No two days the same.
I miss him terribly but life goes on we get up in the morning get throughthe day and go to bed at night then do it the next day.
Having to live like this for another 20+ years holds no pleasure.
Take care
Sending hugs and 
Lynne x
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@Mabel2 hi, I am in the same position as you. It’s so hard isn’t it. We just have to take one day at a time as hard as it is. Ann x
Mabel2
I understand the not ever going to be the same again that’s me too . Grief can change us permanently .
Counselling can be helpful but it’s the timing of it to . It might not be the right time yet . Try it again at a later date.
This helps me
One step breathe
It helps me to move myself , especially when nothing else does.
I rest a lot more then I’ve ever done in my lifetime grief is exhausting isn’t it. I also have insomnia . My loss was in October 23 , 40 years of marriage .
If I think about my future life without him I can’t breathe and I get distressed .
The only way I can face each day is
One step
Breathe .
Keep posting Mabel2
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Wilderness i am going through the pain to things will never be same again take care
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Mabel2
Thank you Wilderness, you’re right, you made me aware of the fact that most of the time I am holding my breath in anxiety. I’ll try your tip. I agree with Galaxy 75 that I do not look forward to another 20 years. At my age and physical disabilities, life does not have much to offer. Thank you to all of you who read my words and I send you all my love and hope for a brighter future. Mabel2
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Sending you all hugs and
Look after yourselves
Lynne 
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