Hi there Rachyrach. I agree I have also found that time has no meaning when grieving. I don’t count the days or months, it makes no difference to me. I could have lost him yesterday or ten years ago and I will still feel the loss. I don’t agree that time heals as I was told. I believe it’s us that manage to heal ourselves in whatever way we can. Our grief, our journey.
We are isolated when we lose a dearly loved person, we don’t need lots of people we need that one special person and your quite right, we can feel lonelier with people so it’s no good blaming lockdown for the way we feel. I think it has helped me actually.
Take care
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Hi Samella
Your not feeling sorry for yourself, what you have said makes a lot of sense. That’s what we aim for, to get through each day
I became so sick of hearing about Covid that I switched off the TV and refused to be bothered with it. I had enough to cope with. Your very right, the world can go back to normal after Covid but it makes no difference to many of us as we are trying to find our way back to a life.
My house was also full of music as my husband was a musician and I love to dance. It took me a few months but eventually I did manage it, so don’t rush, you will know when you can cope. What did help me though was my grandson putting me on Netflix and I found a series that I could so relate to. A family, a ranch and horses. I had stables and horses once upon a time. I found this programme was a therapy for my moods and if I am low I put it on. Second time round and still watching. So take it easy. Perhaps try a programme that you might like and with your love of music it will gradually come back.
Good luck
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Thankyou so much for your lovely message ,have had a bad day just keep crying and shaking,still another day tomorrow untouched, may be a better day as good as they get.
Take Care.
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Hi JayandAllison,
How are you stupid question really?
What have you managed to achieve today?
perhaps we should all report one achievement we have made in the day,might give us a push .
All welcolme if it is a good idea or any suggestions we could think of to do something and then report on here maybe.
Thinking of you all
Take Care.
Been another day of torture. Try so hard to keep it together but my overwhelming emotions of missing her is constantly there. Life is a dark deep hole. I’m hopefully getting a cat on Wednesday so went shopping this morning. Did a bit of DIY but as it was near lots of her stuff too ages as battling through tears.
I really don’t know how to survive. So lonely after 23 years of marriage that was fantastic
To quote the Queen Mother, “It does not get any better, we just get better at it”.
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Hi,
Thankyou for those chosen words hope I can learn to cope with it.
At thenmoment does not se m possible,but maybe with time.
Thankyou .
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Good Evening,
Be pleased you did some jobs, at least not just staying in bed.
Don’t be hard on yourself ,I know I am we are still grieving and there is no time when or if ever we get over it,just at the moment it seems remote but we must carry on Allison or my John would not like us so sad I am sure.
Look forward to getting your cat it will be something to take some of your time.
you will have to put a photo up.
Keep posting on here just to know you are not alone,I have had a bad day but what’s new.
Take Care.
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You are welcome, love
That just about sums it up Mary. The Queen Mother knew what she was talking about - she was a widow nigh on fifty years. xx
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This could be me! I have always considered myself to be isolated and as you say sometimes it seems like 100 years since I have seen him and the next minute it seems like yesterday that I sat by that bed holding his hand as he left me nearly five years ago. I am so grateful for the 30 years we had together but 1000 years would not be enough. I always believed in an afterlife but that belief has left me. This group makes you realize how many of us there are and how much love we had for our partners. Your comment about people who don’t understand is so true and I have even had people tell me it takes a while to get over. I don’t blame them but until you are in the situation you don’t know. I do hope that we all find moments of comfort. Take care
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So true and I’ve even been guilty of it…untill you go through it no-one can understand the gripping pain you go through. One thing this group has helped me with is accepting there is no quick fix. I’m 1 month since my girl was stolen from me. Others are years down the line. You miss the person as much. The while some people say could be forever and for me that feels like what it will be.
I also don’t know how I could love Anita’s Allison is my only and one true love.
Thanks Mary for those words. They are so very, very, true. I hope this will help some of the newly bereaved to cope with their heartbreak and all the emotions that go with it.
Much love
Pat xxx
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You are very welcome. x x x x Pat, I hope that these words help.
Love,
Mary x x
Hi Jay
I am pleased to see that you have accepted that there is no quick fix to this pain of loss. It is something we have to go through before we can come out the other side. Like you I never realised what it really felt like and now feel guilty that I wasn’t more supportive to family and friends in their loss. I am in my second year of my loss and Although there are still hard days, I ride the waves and do learn to swim. My husband was a very important part of my life and will remain so. of that I have no doubt. However I don’t want to be in a state of permanent sadness and misery so I am walking that long hard road with hope. Sometimes I still fall over but I think I am becoming quicker at picking myself up. You will find your own way at walking that road of grief, no one can tell you how you will manage it. Don’t rush Jay, don’t have expectations of yourself or put a timescale on yourself. Let life come to you when you feel ready to accept just the little things it can offer and eventually you will find some hint of joy in the simplest of things out there. Above all learn to like your own company as many of us have found that family and friends can’t be relied on.
Take care
Hi Samella
In the early days I was worried that I would vegetate with the grief and began writing everything down that I did that day. Even simple everyday things went down. Doing this then inspired me to do a little bit more, I liked writing things and I was encouraged to not give in. I still write in my diary what I have accomplished every day. Fortunately I didn’t vegetate, unfortunately I burnt myself out in the first months doing too much and pushing myself too hard. However I did learn to pace myself in the end.
Good luck
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Thankyou for poor noting that out I did exactly that dealt with this and that now what to do is the hardest task.
I live actually very remote part there is no transport whatsoever and I gave up driving and not got the confidence now.
I hated seeing the car 
n the drive so it is at my Sons now the drive looks so empty.
Wished I took notice of John when he said do you want to drive No was the answer and he would not push me,if she Bly I had done so.
Still hindsight is a wonderful thing they say.
Take Care.
Sorry for mistakes I posted before I checked it.
Don’t worry usually I’m to teary to see spellings and just guess
Thankyou for excusing me,what you been upto this afternoon sorry if I appear nosey just trying to have a conversation .
Becomng very dark here so another shower I think, won’t have to water the pots tonight.
Just get dinner which I hate,used to love cooking it not the same for one.
Hope you are managing to eat.
Take Care.