My mum died recently

Coping with bereavement
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My mum died. I am not coping well at all. I feel so alone now. How do we carry on.

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Hello Sadlady24

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,
Rhi

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I feel exactly the same. Im wandering around feeling lost. No idea what to do with myself. Im thinking about mum constantly and wanting to know that she is ok. It all feels very traumatic and i can’t seem to believe ill feel any better.
Sorry…no word’s of wisdom, but i can truly empathise x

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I have recently lost my mum and am to, struggling to cope. Mum had COPD and has been poorly for some time but she was still independent with her care and managed around the house. This came as a shock and sadly I arrived a few minutes after she passed which is haunting me. It has only been 2 weeks and I am so scared I will be unable to cope. I miss her so much it’s painful

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Its really difficult. Don’t beat yourself up about not being there. I know its difficult, im constantly asking myself what i should have done differently. Its such a horrible time. I try to take it a day, or even an hour at a time and hope it gets easier to bear, and it seems to, but very up and down. Be kind to yourself. Try to treat yourself as you would a grieving friend or family member. Sending you lot’s of love xxx

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Thank you.
It is early for me but I feel like I have already experienced a range of emotions and scared that I will become worse. Can I ask how long it has been for you please?

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Just over 2 months. Myself and my sister moved in with mum when shevwas diagnosed, and stayed after she as it didnt seem right to leave, i have only just come back to my own house and it hit me again. Ive found the last few days really tough. I have found it helps to almost chat to my mum. Tell her about my day, family etc. Sometimes in my head or out loud (if im on my own!). Im not sure its getting easier or that im learning to accept it. Hafe you got support? X

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It sounds like you and your sister were a great support for your mum at the most difficult time.
I keep telling myself that this would happen one day but nothing prepares you for when it does happen.
I have 4 brothers and sisters who are very supportive and who are dealing with it in their own ways. It’s still very early and we have not even had the funeral yet so that is causing anxiety.
I hope you have support too x

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The funeral will definitely be causing you anxiety, and will no doubt be traumatic. Mum’s funeral was difficult but i did feel better afterwards. I think the sense of loss and emptiness continues though and its learning to adapt and live with it. Im dreading Christmas. I hope everything goes well for your Mum’s funeral and im glad you have the support of family xxx

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Thanks for all your help and support. My mum’s pensioner friends had a memorial mass for her. My mum didn’t want a funeral. So until 18th January we won’t be scattering her ashes and having a little get together. But I think the memorial service helped as I found out my mum was cremated the day before. It’s going to be a strange Christmas but my mum wanted me to carry on. She is not suffering and I believe she will be with me forever. I hope you are your family are ok over the Christmas. It’s such a hard time. Thank you so much for your lovely words x

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I lost my mum a few days ago, we weren’t the best duo and I knew one day that should would pass but not from going in to be treated for a bad UTI
I wasn’t able to see her as the unit was limited to visitors due to having two staff on, I keep thinking did she ever ask about me to the nursing staff, asked to call and they didn’t allow her ? I’ve gone from the sobbing my eyes out to feeling nothing , I think as she left her body to medical research she won’t actually have a funeral . has any one else had dealings with a parent who’s done this , all i feel is that I just won’t be able to cope without her being the end of the phone

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There is no pain like losing a mum and I just wanted to say I’m sorry to all of us that are suffering. I lost my mum 4 weeks ago and I am still a mess. I cried most of yesterday. She was my best friend and died suddenly. She was fine in the morning and went shopping. She called me to get her as she didn’t feel well to drive. I took her to hospial and 8 hours later she had passed away. I am broken beyond words.

Until you lose a mum I dont think you can understand the pain.

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It’s turned into a complete nightmare with my mum they couldn’t do cause of death etc as they need to have the coroner involved now
Post mortems are taking 2 to 3 weeks which means funeral end of the year if not later and would have been her birthday in January

Literally in limbo and can only clear her house out

She had paper work for her cats to go to a charity and be rehomed together but I can’t do it they’re not young cats and they’re confused for not seeing her so we’ve gone from 2 cats to a 4 cat family

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That’s so tough. Do you have anyone to help you with clearing out her house?

My brother and I are sorting out my mum’s in steps. Every time I clear out some of it I suffer for days.

I know having additional cats must be extra work foe you, but hopefully they give you comfort as you’re mum loved them.

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I’ve got my brother who’s throwing himself into clearing the house

Just in the process of writing to the ceo of the hospital as there are so many unanswered questions

The more I type the more I remember and by the time I’ve finished it’ll be a sequel to war and peace

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Thats good you aren’t foing it on your own.

I shouldn’t laugh but your comment about war and peace made me chuckle. Thank you. I was crying before hand so needed a laugh x

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Please take care of yourself. I have suffered grief before. I cope well Infront of people or try to. But at home I tend to cry and now I don’t really have anyone to speak to. The pain I feel is awful. I spoke or visited my mum everyday. But my mum wanted me to carry on with my life. It’s hard and we all grieve differently. I hope you are ok. There are no real words. But I send my love to you and your family and take the time to grieve. Take care. Lee

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There are so many questions that need answering
We were told she was in for a bad UTI , Saturday evening they said she was doing fine 9 hours later she’d gone
As she was on IV antibiotics I’m wondering if it was something to do with that or the medication they gave her as they said they thought it was pulse less electrical activity

What made it even worse when they sent the details to the medical examiners office

They had her down as discharged and gone home not deceased

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I lost my mum 2 weeks ago and I can’t imagine being in a world without her.
I’m heartbroken.
But seeing everyone’s replies makes me realise this is normal, it’s ok to feel like this. I’m just getting through one day at a time, I think that’s all we can do for now.

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It’s horrible isn’t it. Sometimes if I am busy doing something, I forget for a split second. I then remember and it hits me in the stomach like a punch. I have lots of questions I wish I knew the answer to, but that isn’t possible.
I try to make sense of things and tell myself that this was always going to happen, parents passing before us, but I also see people of a much older age still live and well and feel like I have been robbed of that time with mum. Sounds weird I know.

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