I lost my dad last June and my mum has not greived or cried. She doesn’t like being on her own making me feel guilty for spending time away at my partners house. She doesn’t mention him hardly and when sorting through his stuff did not want to keep any of it (I kept some for me). How do I help her? It is having an impact on my relationship and the relationship she has with the rest of the family.
Hi Sarah
I’m so sorry about your dad. There is no easy answer just be there for your mum. No two people grieve in the same way. The fact she doesn’t like being on her own shows she missing her husband. Perhaps she cries behind closed doors when you are not around. I know I do, your mum might not talk about him because it’s all to painful and if you don’t talk about it then it’s not real.
Keeping possessions is also a difficult one, some people just don’t want the reminder, give her time and your love.
Sending love
Debbie x
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Thank you, I sti live at home so that has helped her massively but it is putting a strain my my realtionship as my partner thinks I can’t cut the apron strings when that’s not the case there are so many factors with the major one being that it’s not been a year since his passing and I still want to be at home to feel close to him. Are there any support groups I can refer her to or is it just a case of going through the motions?
Thank you
Sarah x
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Hi Sarah,
Support groups are a bit hit and miss over the country. But I see you are in the Northamptonshire area, and they do talking therapies and counseling through NHS. It was my GP that told me about them, of course there is Sue Ryder counseling, and grief coach service and grief guide. Also Cruse, but they have a long waiting list in this area.
I did go for a while to Averill Phillips Funeral Directors in Kettering, they run a support group the last Thursday of every month, run by a counselor which was very good. Starts a 7pm and runs for about two hours.
Does your mum work, I still do in a secondary school which does help even though it doesn’t feel like it at times.
It’s not an easy road to travel when you have spent a life time with your husband, I’m just coming up to the second year anniversary.
In the end I think you just being there will help her. Don’t neglect yourself you are grieving for your dad too.
Debbie x
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Hi Sarah, So sorry for your loss. Everyone grieves differently and in their own time. Your Mum may have shut down as way of coping with the heart wrenching loss of her spouse. Some folks are demonstrative, others grieve privately and quietly, but that does not mean they are not also suffering.
There are so many factors involved when it comes to how one expresses grief. No “right or wrong” way to grieve. Like Debbie said, just be there for her, whilst also attending to your own grief process. Xxx Take care.
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