I mean this is happening to me too. I think it’s either extreme guilt and feeling ‘‘not good enough’’ and they just want to get out of feeling like they are under-performing. Or it is that maybe they didn’t love/need us as much as we thought. Or it’s that they can’t love themselves, or anyone, whilst grieving…
What you exsplained is called love bombing he’s lured you in buy marriage then he’s discarded you it’s so sad at wha Thea done what you’ve got to remember it’s his loss
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It’s hard to tell.
I think in my case it was a combination of under-performance and having to focus on their mourning because how can you mourn properly when the person you’re dating wants to make positive memories and get to know someone?
It’s impossible to get to know someone when they are down and miserable all the time
What you’ve gone through is exactly what I have gone through. 4 months of pure bliss before the death and then 4 months still together after the death. It all got too much for him when I started questioning his distant behaviour and asking for more effort.
Said they have to end it to heal properly, and they don’t know how long it will take for them to get better.
Was also dumped on the phone
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Yep same. When i asked for more effort and reassurance, he shut down until he thought it was easier for him to break it off. Seems like the easy way out. At first I thought after a month or so, he would regret his decision but now over 10 weeks later I am starting to think he won’t come back. He didnt want to give me false hope by just taking space as he said he could be like this for years. When we did catchup 2 weeks after the breakup, it was like we were together again and i then had to start the healing process from the beginning. So now thats why no contact or seeing each other is best. He doesn’t seem to care either way. Like I don’t even feel like he is capable of missing anyone but his son that passed. But like one of you said, if they were really are meant for us, they will come back, if not then they were never going to be our person, just a lesson. I said to myself i will try to start dating after 3 months and put myself back out there even if I dont feel like it. I need to see there are other people out there instead of waiting around and hoping that he will suddenly heal and return to me. Grief obviously changes someone forever so maybe we are all better off in the long run…sorry you guys have all had to go through this too. The pain was so consuming. Im just glad i can function again!
I think everyone been through simalarties this site is great for advice
When I lost me mam it made me realise life’s too short to hang around with people or be with someone who is taking the mick
Your a nice caring person someone else will appreciate you always remember that
I’m staying single for now
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Yeah the pain was definitely unbearable, I’m glad I feel a lot better now and you can somewhat say I’ve moved on. It’s been 6 months for me but unfortunately I’m done looking for a girl or being in a relationship for a very while. I just can’t trust any girl anymore. Just focusing on me is all I want atm.
@Pilot123 probably a good way to approach it. Life just feels really empty without my partner but not sure im going to feel the same way about anyone else again. Hopefully we can all trust someone else again one day
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I found out today my ex who is grieving the loss of their parent and broke up with me just removed me from socials. Why have they done that?
@hellogoodbye1 I took my ex off my socials as it was too hard to see his posts so maybe they had a similar reason? That would feel pretty hurtful. Im sorry. It sucks that it’s all out of our control and we don’t deserve it.
Welcome to the club. Why do they do this? I have no clue but we all faced this and all I can say is it’s fucked up. Better you found out now than later. I personally took my ex out on all of my socials cause I needed to move on and seeing her post stories about things just reminded me of her.
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Why did they remove me if they broke up with me?
It feels like they hate me for removing, and it’s a “good riddance” from their side
@hellogoodbye1 I feel the same. Like 1 minute they loved me, the next they don’t even care if they never see or talk to me again. Its so hurtful. I broke my arm and they didnt even check in with me to see if I was ok. They obviously just become selfish due to their own suffering so cant even care about the suffering they cause us. The death of his son and now the breakup has really impacted my mental health. We’re just casualties of their grief 
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I ended things amicably with my ex but now I feel the urge to send them a massive fuck you for dragging me down with them. How did you end your relationship and what has helped you move forward? Civil?
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Totally understand this.
For me, I occasionally have to work with my ex and we have a tonne of mutual friends. So I have to keep things amicable. But 6 months down the line, I see him and he looks insanely sheepish in my presence. Think it’s a reminder for him about how his baggage/actions during and after the break up were so rubbish on me.
If anything, I now see him and feel some what powerful? In the sense that I know my self worth and I now just feel somewhat pity for him? It’s so healthy to feel anger, but at the end of the day, they are the ones who are going through the terrible pain.
Not sure if that’s helpful - but it really is all about you and not them now that it’s over! You can come out stronger more easily than them, even if it doesn’t feel like it now. It’s just a whole bunch of sadness, but you can work on your own and not theirs.
You’re just angry and I can totally understand. The best way to deal with this is to go ghost and move on. Trust me. Don’t send anything or call or check up. My dumbass would ask my friends about her and all that stuff. It’s just not gonna help you. Move on. You deserve way better.
I feel so much anger because towards the end of the breakup, they started using their crocodile tears on me to make the breakup about them and I was the one who ended up saying sorry for not being supportive enough and making their grief about me, i.e. asking for effort and communication in the relationship.
Also I got angry at them for putting their other parent first before me. They became the surrogate partner and pushed me to one side completely neglecting our relationship.
I hate how they dragged me through hell and back only to then say they need to focus on themselves. It’s so selfish.
Do you think they will be a better person for someone new they meet?
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We ended amicable but obviously it was one sided and I was the pathetic one pretty much begging to be with him again. I second what @Pilot123 said though, every time ive had contact with him or heard about him, its sent me into a depression spiral. He said he didnt want to be with anyone then 4 weeks later he is was the dating apps (he has since deleted them) so i sent him abusive messages then cos i was so hurt and angry but I cant stay angry at him because he has lost his son and nothing will make that ok and he obviously has been changed forever because of it. I dont think they will be a better partner long term for someone else, maybe initially things will seem exciting but the new partner will also have expectations of what a healthy relationship should be. The grass isnt always greener. I cant wait to be over this because atm the pain feels never ending.
@Becca3 and @Pilot123 when was the turning point for you guys as far as feeling better and accepting the situation? Im 11 weeks in and feel so up and down. Some days I feel ok, the next i just want to cry all day…its such a roller-coaster. If we had broken up over normal reasons, i think i would be able to deal with it better
I don’t think there is a “set time” - it’s so individual. I’d be lying to say I’m “over him”, but everything is just getting easier and easier to manage. 11 weeks is no time at all. I think for me, him moving on so quickly gave me the ability to realise that I should stop prioritising how he must be feeling and trying to second guess the “why’s” - but to instead turn all that energy to myself. I think that was my turning point. I felt initially insanely selfish, but there is something so empowering about turning the love and energy you put into someone else (which is often easier) to yourself.