So is he with someone else now @Becca3?
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. This really resonates with how I’m feeling.
Despite his parent dying, I noticed so many red flags like not saying I love you enough, finding expression of love embarrassing for them, refusing to hold hands in public, shaming me for my sexual past, and saying “you can’t change who I am, it’s in my DNA”
I guess I knew the relationship wasn’t right but I stayed with them because I felt sorry for them
I just feel hurt they wasted my time
Yep - if you scroll up through this thread the whole story is there. But in short, he started a new relationship 2 weeks after we broke up. I found out 3 months later.
I think this is key! If you remove the bereavement - would it have been a truly happy relationship that would have supported your growth and happiness in the long term. Life does throw hard hard things, so I look at the break up as a bit of a blessing that I know that he isn’t capable of dealing with hard things, and be in a relationship - without working on himself first which would take years. And he wasn’t willing to put in that work, before or during bereavement. I’m happy to know that now than years and years down the line.
You have great insight @Becca3 and glad you have grown through this experience. No doubt it has been a painful journey but the fact he moved on so quickly means he doesn’t have the emotional maturity to deal with rhe situation, hence why he didn’t tell his new partner about his mum. If my ex moved on i would be heartbroken but at least i would know that its over for good. As much as i want to move on, i still have a glimmer of hope that he’ll realise that i made his life better. But you’re right before the bereavement it wasn’t perfect. I just made a lot of allowances after and fully gave it my everything even though i was miserable too. Its hard to give so much and walk away heartbroken.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts here.
It is a blessing knowing they have removed themselves and not strung us along and wasted our time.
Me personally, I would want to work on myself with my partner by my side but I think them leaving us is a sign of immaturity and not knowing how to deal with challenging life situations WITH your partner
I agree. A relationship is about growing through hard times. Not giving up when life gets tough. If they were our people then they wouldn’t have left. Its better to know but it still hurts a lot. I hate the thought of starting over. I had trouble letting my walls down before all this!
You’re so right.
My ex told me if I wanted to be with him I would have to convert faiths.
I told him no.
I think he took it quite personally and decided to end it…and used his grief as an excuse.
I will never know, but I know deep down, he wasn’t right for me.
The grass is greener where you water it. It sounds like all of our partners have struggled with certain things before the loss and grief they went through, the grief takes just takes them to another level. By the sounds of it, all our partners need to get HELP - if they want to grow and work on themselves to live happier lives and have better relationships they NEED to do that work, self help books, talking to therapists, everything. If they do this then, if it’s right, they will come back and be the person we always knew they could be, or if we are actually meant to be with someone else, they will move on and we will move on and find someone who treats us even better.
I think it’s important for everyone to know that no one can complete us, there are no other halves to make us whole. You have to be whole before you love someone, only then can you put the energy and effort into what any strong relationships needs. Everyone has demons, everyone has things they need to work on and grow from - deciding to be with someone means you decide to be with them regardless, and you fight those demons and grow together. If the other person isn’t willing to change or do the work, then you’re much better off finding someone else.
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Haha same here, I’ve never let myself be loved and love the way I did with him. I used to be really guarded and protective of my own energy and independency. Just take it day by day, that’s what I’m trying to do. Focus on yourself and try not to let your thoughts run away about how hard it will be to find someone new etc… These things will come when we are at our best again, and it will fall into place naturally xx
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I don’t want to get back with them.
The person I was with doesn’t believe in therapy and I will never ever put myself through a situation ever again where I was miserable and the person never put me first and didn’t care I was crying or upset.
They just didn’t care
Were you also told by your ex he would love to marry you early on and then he changed his mind once his depression kicked in?
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Yeah he said he wanted to marry me the fantasy story its called love bombing acted like a naughty 2 year old when he could t get his own way another issue I didn’t want more kids I’ve got 4 all ready I’ve only got 2 at home as 2 have grew up and moved out
My ex told me he wanted to get married to me because it was his parents dying wish.
I feel like he only said that to me so he could tell his dying parent he will get married even though he didn’t intend on doing so with me.
After their parent died, their desire for marriage vanished and they became extremely cold towards me
There be someone out there who will worship the floor you walk on and marry you I’ve given up me I’m looking after my poorly dad now wouldn’t have time to waiste on a man life is so precious
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My ex broke up with me on Dec 5th. I went into depression for like 2 months. It’s now been what 6 months? I can fully function on my own. I’m not out here however trying to talk to other girls and finding a new girlfriend. I don’t feel for her. I don’t care for her. I definitely miss us and what we had but as these months went by I felt a lot better. She/he doesn’t care for you either. So don’t waste ur breath and time caring for her. I have never felt like this in my entire life. The pain sucked really bad. It’s going to hurt a lot. I promise you it will get better. I did get therapy but tbh it didn’t really help. I’m now at a much better stage but truth be told I can’t trust a girl anymore. I gave this girl my 100%. Things were great. Her mom wanted us to get married. Everything she did and said after proved to me that the whole relationship was a lie and I’m going to be out of the dating scene for a very long time. But that’s my issues lol.
lol we’re on the same boat. I’ll do one better. My ex asked her dying mom who could barely breathe and talk if we could get married and she said yes. And then we get fucked like this loool.
Well said.
My ex talked about marriage and moving in together but the grief really set in 2-3months after the death and he stopped being able to talk about a future together and i felt the distance grow. I think I’ll always care about him and love him but i know he can’t be the person i need him to be anymore. I would probably be the same if i lost my one of my children. I think it would be easier if he said he didnt love me and we weren’t right for each other but either way its over and i need to accept it. Grieving a person who is still alive is hard too but people just expect you to get over it.