I haven’t been here for a couple of months. Now 14 months since my wife died. Quietly in a fair bit of denial, but getting on with life and seemed to be doing OK.
Then a few days ago, our dog was sick so I took her into the vet. 24h later I’m getting told that our dog has lymphoma.
Had a long chat with a vet oncologist who was trying to talk me into the merits of giving our poor girl chemotherapy, otherwise she will likely die in 2 months.
8 weeks of weekly chemo then 4 months of fortnightly chemo- and she could live a year or perhaps a year and a half.
It’s really sent me reeling. I spend the last 4 years of my wife’s life waking along side her as she went through chemotherapy.
My life has just got a sense of balance, a big part of that has been taking the dog for daily walks on the beach, and really a good sense of comfort, and seems to me the only animate thing I have left of my wife - the dog was with her every day.
I know that my wife wouldn’t have wanted me to put the dog through chemotherapy after what she went through, and is likely would be selfish if I did, not wanting to let go of the dog, that fills a part of the void my wife left.
I’m trying to be pragmatic about it. Perhaps it served its purpose - it was my wife’s companion all the moments that I couldn’t be with her - and wasn’t meant to be same for me. Still feels a little unfair.
Oh jeez ! What you gonna do ? Its a hard decision to make isnt it ? Just take a bit of time to decide ! If its any consultation to you my lovely dog Ben was getting bad on his back legs just before my husband passed. Unfortunately just after he passed he got worse and 2 days before my darling husbands funeral i had to have him put to sleep as he was hardly able to walk anymore … so sad isnt it within a few weeks though i decided to buy a puppy and she is with me now! My little ball of fun and love … i hope that helps you xx
How awful for you to make this decision do soon after losing your wife. My 2 dogs have given me a reason to keep going the last 3 months and I would be a lot worse without them.
I was in the same position & I didn’t know what to do, even though I didn’t want to lose her so soon after my husband I wanted to make sure I put her needs before my own.
Chemo didn’t work for my husband just made him more ill, I’d decided watching him go through it that if I ended up in a position of being offered chemo I’d decline it & rather go sooner then lasting longer but with the awful side effects.
With this in mind I knew for her I had to let her go now, it broke my heart but I do feel that I did what was right for her & not what was right for me, the Lymphoma was going to get her in the end.
Hi @kingfisher067
Sorry to hear of your sad dilemma , my heart goes out to you. I know what you mean, pets are a lifeline, they keep you going, & they can sense when you’re feeling sad & need a cuddle, or when you’re ill, the dog we used to have was a cocker spaniel cross, very lively, when I was ill, he sat at my feet & stayed there most of the time while I was recouping. Sadly he got ill & we had to have him put to sleep some years ago, he’d had a tumour removed from his mouth, & was getting arthritis in his back legs, he would only of suffered if we’d of kept him alive, it was very upsetting to loose him, but it was the right thing to do.
Something no-one else knows, when my mom passed 3 years ago, we put our dogs ashes in the coffin with her, so I’ve no doubt they’re together again, & she’s looking after him.
I had to make the difficult decision to have one of our beloved dogs put to sleep last week. I lost my darling wife last July. Obviously, in terms of magnitude of loss, there is no comparison. However, it was just one of those things that would have been more bearable had my wife been by my side to help with the decision making process. I have no doubt I did the right thing, she really was very ill and deteriorating quite dramatically - it wasn’t an easy decision, but it was a clear cut one, and very much supported by the vet. We still have one dog who is completely bewildered by the last year - she was a constant companion to my wife when the chemo floored her and confined her to her bed for much of the day. Now she has also lost her constant companion who she has never been without. I think only dog owners understand just how much they become a part of the family. The kids grow up with them and they are just a constant presence and source of comfort. The house never feels empty when you have a dog, and that has been very important in the last 8 months.
Sadly, it is part of being a loving owner that we sometimes have to make the decision for them
Life is such a really bad place and some people suffer so much more than others. It isn’t fair. We lost our dog of 15 yrs a month before my husband died. My mum and dad have gone and my last dog is 14. I dont want to go on.
Hi @Avvy
Sorry to hear you’ve been through so much loss, I know it’s hard, but this is a new chapter in your life. When my mom was terminally ill, I didn’t want to be left with my alcoholic dad, I attempted suicide, but 3 months after my mom passed, I met my now boyfriend, I have made so many special memories with him that would never of happened if my suicide attempt had been successful, it may be the end of that chapter, but it’s not the end of your story, I know it takes a lot of strength to do it, but just turn the page, who knows what may happen next. Just take it one day at a time. Sending hugs of support.
Aw… such lovely words @Pandaprincess and so very true. But it is so hard without them isnt it ? I feel so fed up with my life too and hope it turns round in a good way … i never thought life was gonna be this hard without him … never in a million years !! ;( xx
Dear @kingfisher067
I’m so sorry.
As others have said, unless you have dogs you can’t get what they mean to you.
My two have helped me more than they could ever know the last 18 months. I honestly don’t think I would have survived without them.
The oldest Treacle, is 9 now, he was my husband’s constant companion through all his illnesses over almost 8 years. He was even allowed in the hospital on more than one occasion, and lay on the hospital bed with my husband. He is still grieving too, and constantly stares at the front door, I’m sure hoping.
The youngest is only 19 months. He and my husband only had 12 days together at home, and most of that was when my husband started receiving end of life care, which was at home, and was sleeping most of it .
Both the dogs accompanied me to the funeral. We walked in beside the coffin, just us, the 4 of us together for the last time.
Sorry no answers for what you should do, whatever you decide will be the right thing.
Just sharing understanding of what loss of a partner and love of dogs is.
Aw … thats lovely your dogs accompanied you to the funeral. I wouldve done the same but had to put my lovely dog down 2 days before the funeral which was so utterly heartbreaking for me ! Bought my puppy weeks after cos couldnt stand the silence in the house and absolutely love her to pieces. She has been my saviour. She really has xx
It was lovely. Had to carry Bobby, the puppy, as he still hadn’t had second injections.
Treacle ended up at the front when I was reading the eulogy because he was whining so much, the lady officiating called up our friend who was holding treacle so he could be nearer me xx
Hello all
I thought things couldn’t get any worse after my husband’s very sudden death in September, when I found him already gone in the garden. Today my dog was put to sleep. She had been failing over the last couple of weeks, not eating very well and tired. She went to the vets for x rays and scans, and the vet phoned while she was still asleep to tell me she had cancer in her spleen, lungs and liver. So she has continued to sleep and hopefully will be reunited with my husband, if there is a Heaven.
I really don’t know how life can be so cruel. Only pet owners will understand the depth of heartache.
Yeh i do … i had a dog before my husband passed away … we let him say goodbye to my husband who passed at home … he was 16 and was struggling with his back legs. He deteriorated further after my husband passed away and could hardly walk… i had to put him to sleep 2 DAYS before my husbands funeral can you imagine that ? I lost 2 precious people in my life within 3 weeks … you couldnt make it up could you ? So i waited few weeks … couldnt stand the silence in the house and went and bought a puppy ! My lovely, crazy cockapoo who is now nearly 16 months old ! Saved my life she has in so many ways xxx
Thank you both.
I feel like I’ve fallen back into the black hole again. I can’t comprehend losing them both. They were my life and now I just think what’s the point of it all. I just returned to work yesterday but I’ll have to drag myself there tomorrow.xx
within a few weeks though i decided to buy a puppy and she is with me now! My little ball of fun and love … i hope that helps you xx
, my heart goes out to you. I know what you mean, pets are a lifeline, they keep you going, & they can sense when you’re feeling sad & need a cuddle, or when you’re ill, the dog we used to have was a cocker spaniel cross, very lively, when I was ill, he sat at my feet & stayed there most of the time while I was recouping. Sadly he got ill & we had to have him put to sleep some years ago, he’d had a tumour removed from his mouth, & was getting arthritis in his back legs, he would only of suffered if we’d of kept him alive, it was very upsetting to loose him, but it was the right thing to do.
