Hello everyone, it’s hard isn’t it? I’m a twin and I find it hard to speak to my sister about my son as she always seems to act like my grief is no different to hers. In reality she has both her children and one of mine is gone. It’s not the same on any level. Due to this I often feel like I can’t talk to her about how incredibly hard it is for me to carry on without him. Infact I feel completely alone in this at times. If I didn’t have this site to talk to people I don’t know what I’d do.
I sometimes feel like people wouldn’t know if I was alive or dead. People go about their day like nothing has happened when my life has been ripped apart.
I agree that all people grieve and cope differently. I think some people don’t say anything because they either don’t know what to say or as in my case, anytime I talk about my only child that I lost, I just cry uncontrollably. It’s been 10 weeks today
Hi ladies, its 73 weeks almost to the minute that I lost my son, and its not getting any easier. I cry every day, I still struggle with the reality of it all. I look at his photos and scream “why?” And quite simply those 3 words “ I miss you” dont seem enough.
I still see a counsellor who tells me I’m doing ok but it really doesn’t feel it at all .
I have completed a huge book with photos and school reports and his sporting moments to pass down to his children ages 4 and 7 when I’ve gone.
I’ve also filled an album with beautiful quotes I’ve found and had them all printed as photos which all say exactly what I’m feeling.
The days are long and nights longer. I see signs and know he is close by but it shouldn’t be like this, I shouldn’t be just existing wishing I wasn’t here. My son should still be here.
Without you ladies to talk to I dont know what else I’ve got.
My broken heart will never mend until I’m with him once more.
I’m 76 weeks without my daughter and best friend Lauren. It doesn’t get easier.
I have awful guilts that if I had made Lauren go to the drs about her HBP, she wouldn’t have had died from a spontaneous intracranial haemorrhage.
I’m on sertraline, have done a year of counselling and am due to start emdr in 2 weeks. I just want to be with Lauren.
A friend who has been incredibly supportive throughout, today when i was yet again crying, said that we all have a blueprint with a start and end date. That makes me feel a little better.
I paint rocks with Lauren’s sunrise and sunset dates and her name and a message and flowers or a heart. If I go somewhere new I take a painted rock and leave it there. It is as though Lauren has also been.
I hope she sees me from her new place and is happy.
We deal with our grief in so many different ways and the way which is right for us. I have to keep busy every day and can never have silence, tv, radio, chats with others. Moments of quiet exacerbate my dark dark thoughts. And I am angry. So angry at the lack of care when my precious boy needed it. It is two years next week to the start of the eleven days of his life support and subsequent catastrophic loss. It is PTSD I suppose and it gets harder and more difficult to live with. My heart literally aches with pain. Sending my love to you other lonely mums
24th of August is the day my son took his own life. I think of him constantly and feel like I can’t talk about it to others as if you haven’t lost a child you haven’t got a clue. At work today a girl I was working with was talking about someone taking their own life near where I live. I just looked at her, I wanted to say “you know I’ve lost my son , just stop” but I didn’t. I thought about it all afternoon then sat and cried when I got home. People who haven’t lost a child just don’t get it. They don’t realize that you don’t get over it. My life has a massive Rupert shaped hole in it that will be with me forever. Sending love to all x
