I’ve had a bad day today- I’m not religious at all but his daughters and grandson their boyfriends etc are having a great day easter egg hunting what I’ve seen on Facebook bless them- whether I’m feeling sorry for myself or just miss our munching Easter eggs lol - I do so miss him - it’s also my son Carls boy’s birthday today also- I also miss him not having the joy of him growing up he’s a beautiful little boy so hansom clever and polite he would have been so proud of him xxx bless my boy and love of my life - we will meet again at the end of the rainbow bridge xxxx
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My day was a lot of tears yesterday. I so long to hear my sons voice and see him. I miss him so very much. Life is not the same and never will be 
xx
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Yesterday was bad for me, crying and longing for him to be here. A life without him seems impossible
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I feel exactly the same, it’s a living hell x
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My husband called the coroner today. They still don’t know what happened to Steve and they still have his heart and brain. I know it won’t bring him back but I just need to know why it happened. I hate life now I just want him back. xx
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Sue516, sorry to hear this. We are in the same situation, having been promised results by mid-Feb and mid-March. My husband also phoned the coroner to try and speed things up. He was told the results would be here within two weeks - which was about three weeks ago. When we were first advised that our son’s heart and brain would need to be tested, we were also told that we could wait for their return before holding the funeral. I am glad we decided to go ahead with the funeral in January.
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We also went ahead with his funeral which I am so glad we did. We will have another cremation for his heart and brain when we get them back. xx
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We decided to donate the organs to medical science, but I have mixed feelings about it.
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Life is so tough isn’t it. I will have to go back to work next week as they’ve put me down to half pay. It will be a phased return over a month and I’m just not ready. It’s Rupert’s birthday in May and I really wanted to not have to think about anything but that. The stress work will bring will be just awful. I’ve just sat and cried on and off all day thinking about it. I work in a primary school in a low income area and the behaviour is terrible x
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I just want and need him so much, it’s unbearable x
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Ali76 i am 100 
with you i miss my boy so much, i just want him back. Yesterday i cried pretty much all day . Tomorrow its 18 weeks since he took his last breath, i clock watch every Wednesday reliving the awful day i lost my whole world. My life is so empty, i feel the pain all the time. I am retired, only 64, but health issues. He is constantly in my thoughts, i have photos everywhere, and my boy is right in the middle of my lounge i talk to him constantly. I wish you well on your return to work bless you. Sending love xx
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We have been asked this. I’m not sure I wan this
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It always seemed OK in the theory, but when it’s your own child’s remains, it is a horrible decision to make. On the other hand, it may help someone else in the future.
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Thank you, sending you love x
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I understand this might be too personal for some, but I wonder whether you feel you receive enough moral support from your partner following bereavement? I should say that my husband dealt with all the admin issues connected to our son’s death and I am very grateful for that, as at the time I wasn’t in a fit state to do any of it myself. On the other hand, he didn’t have much input into the funeral. I organised most of that. However the sort of support I am talking about is emotional. My husband cried openly a few times at the very beginning, but has shown very little emotion since then. He was saying just two weeks after our son had gone that we needed to “move on”. He seems surprised and embarrassed that I am still crying after 21 weeks, so nowadays I tend to hold on to my tears until I’m alone. I have tried to talk to him about feelings, but he says he is “over it” now. I mentioned survivor’s guilt, which I certainly have, but apparently he says he doesn’t feel that. (I am 70, my husband is in his midseventies and our darling son was only 33.) From all I have read, this is a typical male/female divide in attitudes towards death, but I find it utterly baffling. My husband has never said he misses our son or that he loves him, which I find very upsetting. I’m sure he does have these emotions but they are suppressed, because that’s what men of his generation do. It’s just all so disappointing and it makes me feel very alone.
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I can only imagine how it makes you feel. It’s really quite sad, I don’t think your husband will be over it, maybe he’s putting on a stiff upper lip. Or maybe he hasn’t accepted what has happened fully yet. I know it will be making you feel terrible as you need a shoulder to cry on. Does it make you feel like you are in your own with it? I’ve felt a bit like this at times and that I haven’t been able to talk openly about how I feel on occasion. My son has been gone 8 months and I’m in tears every day , it becomes a little easier with time.
Sending you love x
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Thank you. It’s nice to know I am not the only one with problems like this.
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Ladies, while i empathise with you, i live alone, my son lived with his partner and children quite close so i saw him almost every day but at home its just me and i have no headspace for anyone just my son who occupies my thoughts every minute of every day. I have his pictures in every room, his remains are in the living room with me and i talk to him all the time. I never leave him for long, i leave radio on for him when i go out. I try and spend time with his children as he would want me to and his partner is my absolute rock. We talk about him a lot, we smile at memories and we cry together. The day he fell asleep he took a huge part of me with him. I miss him more every day and my love remains as strong as ever. 
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I live alone too and my son stayed between me and his girlfriend and we spoke all the time via WhatsApp when he was at his girlfriends. I sit and think about him all day everyday. I’m desperate to see him all the time and it’s a living hell.
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I open his bedroom door every morning and spray his aftershave and say good morning. At night I close it and say goodnight and love you.
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