Could I have the medium’s details please?
Yes I will get them to you when my sister gets back off holiday
Thank you .
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The medium I went to is https://alexanderthepsychicmedium.com/
It was 19 weeks yesterday and every wednesday i relive that awful day my son left me. The pain gets worse, i miss him more than words, i just want to hear his voice and see him and have a big hug. The nights are relentless im on sleeping tablets but only get couple of hours. I try to get on with things as i know he wants me to but a huge part of me went with my baby boy i feel lost and lonely without him 
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It was 22 weeks on Tuesday since I lost my 41 year old daughter and best friend. I don’t cry as much, it’s been replaced by utter sadness so deep.
I want to be with my Lauren. It hurts so much without her.
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This Saturday is Lauren’s 42 nd birthday. I want to celebrate the fact that she was born and gave 41 years, 6 months and 23 days of joy and happiness.
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Bam, have you decided how you will celebrate your lovely Lauren’s life?
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I still have panic attacks first thing and cry throughout the day, but it has eased off a little, and, as you say, replaced with a profound sadness. Maybe we are beginning to accept that our beautiful children have gone. I am trying to replay some happy memories of my son’s life in my head. But then I think of the promising future he lost and the tears start again.
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Mum89, it is sheer hell, isn’t it? What a terrible path we bereaved parents have to walk and there is nobody who can really help us. I yearn to hold my son again and to hear his lovely voice. He was very good at seeing the funny side of things and could imitate people’s voices. I miss his good humour. In the last few months of his life he became much quieter, and he looked thin and worried. I so wish I could hug him again and say how sorry I am that he died alone.
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It is so hard for all of us,my son had special needs but he always come home on Fridays.My husband said he had a dream he was talking to him saying what time are you coming home.He said what time will you be here,our son answered I won’t be late.
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Many thanks for the info about the medium
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Tonight, sometime between 11.14 p.m. and 11.23 p.m., it will be 22 weeks since our beloved boy passed away. Our beautiful, irreplaceable son. We were so lucky to have him in our lives for 33 years and I was so honoured to be his mother.
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This evening was warm, so I sat out in our garden from 11 o’clock and thought about my son. The crescent moon was out, there was a scent of honeysuckle in the air and the night felt almost magical. I prayed and prayed for some sign to show my son still exists somewhere - but there was absolutely nothing. This is the way it has been since he died, with me trying so hard to feel his presence and failing every time. I can now understand why people visit mediums, but still can’t quite bring myself to do it myself. I think personally I would find it difficult to trust someone enough and would always suspect I was being duped. I feel that if my son was going to try and contact me, it would be directly and not through a third party. But it hasn’t happened yet, so maybe I need to explore other avenues.
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Like you I long for signs from Lauren, and other than a smell which I have had 3 or 4 times that no one else can smell I have had nothing. But then people say about the robins I see in my garden being a sign, but I’ve always had robins. Hawthorn is Lauren’s birth flower and I have a large hawthorn tree in the garden, this year it is full of blossom more than I’ve seen in the 20+ years we’ve lived here. Friends tell me it’s a sign from Lauren, my hubby says it’s because of the weird weather. I know people who have been to a medium and swear by them but I’m worried it would become addictive if Lauren ‘came through’. I would want to talk to her all the time and would I then yearn for more. I would love to know she is safe and happy.
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I suppose if the medium makes people feel comforted and happy, then there’s no harm in it. Ditto seeing seeing robins and feathers. But they are not the sort of signs I want. Why would my child not be able to contact me directly and why would the message not be something really meaningful, rather than the random facts that mediums often come out with? Yes, I’m a cynic. Wish I wasn’t sometimes.
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For Lauren’s birthday tomorrow I was totally undecided on what I wanted to do.
My son and his partner want to hibernate. Lauren’s eldest daughter and myself want to celebrate Lauren’s birth, my hubby hasn’t yet decided. I couldn’t settle to organise anything but one of her girlfriends (there were 6 of them, very close friends for decades) has offered to host a small get together where we can toast Lauren.
There are other friends of Lauren’s not included in this group who are also asking to do things for her birthday and wanted to come to the tree planting for the ashes we are having on Sunday. I have had to say no because Lauren’s brother and eldest daughter feel that should be close family only. I feel really bad for them friends because I know they are also grieving. I have said that I will try and arrange a meal out at one of Lauren’s favourite restaurants.
In future years I would like to be more organised for Lauren’s birthday and maybe do a picnic as someone suggested.
I have bought Lauren a very big Japanese cherry blossom tree for her birthday, which I’m going to put in a large pot in my garden with some of her ashes. That way I will have somewhere close by where I can sit and talk to Lauren. I’m aware that I will not always be fit and able enough to climb the big hill where we are having a tree for a life planted with her ashes.
I bought lauren a cherry blossom tree years ago and planted it in the garden of a house she lived in. When she moved it was too big for me to dig up, but when she moved into her current house 2 years ago I promised her that when we got round to sorting the garden she could have a cherry blossom. I wish I had sorted her garden out last year and then she could have appreciated the cherry blossom, if only for a short while.
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The cherry blossom in your garden is a lovely idea as you can spend time whenever you want there.
Perhaps the friends who wanted to go to the tree for life could go later in the day after you have done your private remembrance. Try not to feel bad about them, they should understand.
Everyone is just feeling their own ways along and we all just muddle through I think.
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I’m like you about mediums. I just don’t understand how really …
I would love a sign from Ben but the logical bit of me says how is it possible ?
I have friends who believe in feathers and my youngest son has been to physic evenings in the past and said his Nannie came through, however he hasn’t been since we lost Ben.
It’s coming up to 6 months now and in one way I think half a year has flown by, but also how slow, then again it’s ages since I saw Ben. ( it was the 29th October, we went out for the day ). I know I’m lucky to have that last memory of a happy day but if I’d known it was the last day, well …
Just typing this has made me cry.
Will we ever find a sort of peace ?
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I think anything connected to nature is always very comforting. The cherry tree blossom is so beautiful but short lasting, so that seems very appropriate. I hope the ashes ceremony goes well on Sunday and I am sure her friends will accept that you want it to be private ceremony. X
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