So sorry to hear about this complicated situation. As FjI says, you must stick to your guns and do what you think is right. You brought up your son and you must have the final say as to who attends his funeral. It’s just yet one more horrible ordeal for you to navigate, on top of losing your son in the first place.
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What did any of us do to deserve the nightmare we are in?
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That is a good way and I’m going through his brother whom seems more reasonable. But I know my ex he has not changed abit. My Akhil was such a private person his friends meant the world to him and my family . I’m going to stick to my guns here and do what Akhil wanted . My boy never complained about anything and never said bad about anyone or anything. I do ask this to his every day why him!! Why. It’s so painful. I had to block the ex on messages as can’t cope with him. Brings back the painful memories of my marriage and the way he was with my kids. Sorry to rant
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You can rant as much as you need to. You have friends listening to you on this website. X
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Rant all you like !
Luckily my ex doesn’t have my contact details or knows where we live, although we’re only in the next town.
Ben’s funeral was on 2nd December and my husband has only had 1 message from the ex since.
I hope your ex backs off a bit.
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That’s exactly how I feel x
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Thank you ladies for your support it means a lot to me. Xx it’s going to be tough days ahead.
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6 weeks 2 days since my beautiful daughter Lauren died.
We have had the funeral, 16/12/24 i can’t really remember it.
We had the post mortem report on Monday. It was a spontaneous intracranial haemorrhage. They tell me she would not have known and was dead before she hit the floor and would not have felt anything, they tell me that there would have been no warning for her or anyone even if she was in hospital and that there was nothing anyone could have done to save her. This information was hard to take in but has taken away a grain of sand worth of guilt from my shoulders. I didn’t realise until know how much guilt was weighing me down.
This doesn’t mean each day gets easier it hasn’t so far. Yesterday i had to go and sort out the office where she worked. I feel close to her when I’m doing things like that but when it’s finished I feel like I’ve rubbed out a bit of her life. Today i had to register her death and that is not right, no parent should have to do this.
I miss her with every cell of my body. I feel empty.
To all the grieving parents out there I send you love. You are not alone.
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You still have the terrible burden of grief to bear, but I am glad your load has been lessened a fraction by knowing your Lauren didn’t suffer and wouldn’t have known what happened.
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You have an answer to Lauren’s death and knowing it was quick.
I know this doesn’t change anything for you though.
I have had a little sort out of some of Ben’s things this morning - all seems so harsh when a life becomes a series of boxes.
I know what you mean about rubbing a bit of their life away.
You are not alone in your grief, we are all mums who have the same feelings x
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When I was in Lauren’s office yesterday I got talking to a lady in the office downstairs whose son died 11 years ago,
He was 19.
She told me that she has not done anything to his room since the day he died.
She told me I was very brave doing what I had done, I had no choice. I felt she was very brave, because she is living not just existing, she was dressed nicely, had make up on, has got a job and was smiling when she was talking to me and not just when she was reminiscing about her son.
I am trying so hard to be positive for my daughter’s daughters, the 17 year old now lives with us as we are her legal guardians.
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The knowing that your child was and did not feel pain is a great relief of guilt doesn’t mean it makes the loss easier as you say but helps a little with the grieving process. I’ve just been told by the funeral directors that my son body is deteriorating and I can’t see him yet. Not even sure if I can see him before the funeral . I’m in bits over this.
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When is the funeral?
Lauren’s dad my ex husband was at the funeral for Lauren. Even though she hadn’t seen him for 16 years, I knew she would have been okay with him being there because she was such a forgiving generous person.
I saw Lauren a number of times in the 10 days before the funeral, but it wasn’t my Lauren. It looked like her, beautiful, but it was missing her ‘essence’ .
I put a letter in the coffin with a secret only her and I will know about.
I feel closer to Lauren when I smell her unwashed clothes and i feel her essence more when i visit her home. But I know eventually her smell will fade and the house will have to be sold. I worry about what I will do then.
My friend who has a strong faith told me to go and find Lauren’s ‘chill out’ place and feel her essence there.
Lauren’s chill out or place where she used to go and think is up on the moors and it took some finding as she kept it a secret, but through pictures she took we have found it. How do I know it’s the right place? Because i can stand there and feel a calmness around me I lack anywhere else.
I wish all grieving mums that calmness.
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Love and calmness for Friday. I will be thinking of you.xx
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Think hard about whether you wish to see your son.
I saw Ben 22 days afterwards, it wasn’t possible before then, I was warned before I went in that his skin had darkened.
I’m glad I went because I didn’t see him when he was found, however I wish I had as it was Ben obviously but it wasn’t, if that makes sense. As his mum I had to see him. They told me there were marks on his hand, when I looked they were just very small, like grazes, where they had taken skin samples.
I don’t regret seeing him, and I was able to say what I wanted in private.
Make the right decision for you x
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I will be thinking of you tomorrow.
You will get through it for Simon x
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Oh, Reena, my heart weeps for you. Not being able to see your son is so very difficult. We didn’t see our son and in a way I wish we had, but I think my husband, daughter and I all agreed we wanted to remember him as he was when we were last all together, for my daughter’s birthday. I hope you will be allowed to see your son if you want to.
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Thank you all. The funeral isn’t until the 16th Jan. I want to see him regardless after all he is my boy. Elizabeth will be thinking of you tomorrow xx
I just can’t believe I’m planning a funeral over what should be a wedding in the future.
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It is very strange waiting for tomorrow. Feels very unreal. I almost feel it isn’t my son’s funeral but someone else’s.
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I went and sat with my son for an hour every day for ten days when he was in the chapel of rest. He looked like he was just sleeping. I told him I loved him talked to him. I took an iPad in and had photos of him from being little to the present time playing on a loop with his favourite music. I wanted the people who visited to not just see him in his coffin but to see him throughout his life.
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