Dear Ali176. What a shocking thing to deal with. At least you were able to speak to your son at the end but it is only a small crumb of comfort. So sorry you are going through all this pain.
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It is so distressing that on top of the immense loss of a child, you then have to sign forms agreeing that some parts of their body can be taken away for further tests. This is what happened with my Simon, so although we are going ahead with the funeral, some parts of him will be missing. It makes me angry that he has not been allowed to rest in peace, even though I do understand that these tests have to be carried out. I just want to scream āLeave him alone!ā
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The same with Ben, itās been 7 weeks since the post mortem which was inconclusive so still waiting on the results of tests on the samples.
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Although the outcome is never something youād have wanted a small crumb of comfort are the words you said to each other.
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I know they told me it was small parts but I canāt do it all again after 16 weeks. So had to make the decision for them to keep those small parts for research. Akhil would have wanted that. My baby is here in spirt and I have to accept that ā¦ deep down I canāt accept that his gone. Itās so hard
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I canāt accept that my son is gone too. The pain of losing him I wouldnāt want anyone else to go through. Id swap places with him in a heartbeat x
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Same hereā¦ I wish it was me. Just want him here to cuddle and hear his voice his laughter. Just the noise around the house.
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I also said to keep samples for research, maybe they will help someone else live in the future.
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Yes, I did the same. Letās hope it does help someone.
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Iām glad to hear that we have made that right decision. We are requesting another pathology test now as they did not do that.here. Only in Thailand. So letās see what they come back with.
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How are you all today? Today has been an emotional one. Dealing with the ex husband and what he wants and not agreeing to what I want for my son that I literally brought up myself. Not sure how to deal with it ??
If you brought your son up, then your wishes should be paramount. Have you any other family members who can support you in this?
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Yes my mum and sister and then extended family. Iām asking him to bring limited family aprox 10 people. He said no. He wants to bring people my son didnāt have any relation with and not do I anymore. He wanted to put socks on my son and I said no as Iām doing that. Just very difficult.
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How are you today?
Not brilliant. Thinking more and more about the funeral on Friday. Thatās when it will become reality that our son has gone. And after the funeral I donāt know what will happen. Thereās just this vast empty future ahead without our lovely boy.
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Why does your ex want to bring people who didnāt know your son? Do you think it is for moral support? My daughter asked if she could bring some friends we didnāt know to the funeral and I decided that if it helped her to cope, then it was a good thing. However I can appreciate itās very different if itās your ex partner.
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I so feel for you. I will pray for him on Friday and for you to have the strength to make it a special day for him xx
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The ex family have been horrible to me and never supported me through my separation. I donāt think they deserve to be there for they were never there for my son x older son yes not my younger one. My younger one has not spoken to his father for over 6 years! Do they deserve to be there to support the ex ?
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Reena I was in a similar situation. I left Benās dad when he was 17 months old. I got married when he was 6 and his real dad had a very patchy relationship with Ben all his life. Not consistent and unreliable.
I told the coroners and the undertakers that I was point of contact and all decisions had to go through me. They were all help and understanding.
Like you I told his father he could come to the service but he had to sit at the back and he wasnāt to try and speak to me or any of my family. Luckily he actually did what I asked. I hadnāt seen him in over 30 years and I wrote down what I wanted from him and my husband met him 2 wks before the funeral to give him my piece of paper. I wrote it down as I didnāt want him to assume Mike ( my husband ) was making anything up.
Stick to your guns, you knew your son best, I hope your ex will respect your wishes.
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I was dreading the funeral too because afterwards what is there ?
All I can say is I was happy with what Iād planned.
As for the future donāt think too far ahead. Iām just winging it really, I donāt know what Iām doing from day to day and my feelings are a rollercoaster. Today for me I just felt empty, didnāt want to get up, stayed in my pjās till lunchtime. Cried a few times. But Iām doing me and thatās all I can do.
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