My wife died on Monday

I can’t believe I’m making this post. My beautiful wife, Ali was killed in a road accident on Monday evening and her Way home from her gym class.

She went out on Monday night, asking me to put our daughter to bed after giving her a bath. Emily is nine years old. I don’t understand how she didn’t come home. I’m in a deep state of shock. I am starting to get professional help and the police are also helping me.

I have frequently cried in the last few days. Alison was very active in the community and the outpouring of love has been absolutely immense. I’ve had several hundred messages from different people telling me how much they loved Alison.

I want to be strong for my daughter. Her world has been ripped apart. I have no idea how to look after a little girl who is becoming a young woman. I do have, fortunately, a massive number of family and friends who have all said they will support me.

I’m so scared. I don’t know what happens next. I don’t know how I will be, I don’t know how I will feel, I don’t know what the future looks like. I don’t know how Emily will cope. Alison is my, our guiding star.

I’m sorry this post is rather heavy. I would love to hear from people who have a similar experience, which firstly I’m very sorry about. Anything you can say, to make things less scary I would thoroughly appreciate. I already know the one thing I want to hear you can’t say, that Alison is coming home. With love,

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Really sorry for your loss Rob, I haven’t gone through anything like that but hopefully someone who has will get in touch, truly sorry pal

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Oh Rob, how utterly tragic & heartbreaking for you.

Please don’t apologise for your post being “heavy” What you must be going through is almost indiscribable and it must be totally unbelievable to you that your lovely wife has gone just like that.

My heart breaks for you and little Emily. I am so glad you have great support from family & friends. Going forward they will be your strength.

There is a lot of support on here and I do hope you find all the support you need. Although, as you say, all you want (the same as we all want) is to hear your dearest darling is coming back.

Much love and strength to you and Emily.

Janey xx

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I’m so sorry to hear about your loss I have found this group to be very helpful and to correspond with people like yourself . Im glad your family and friends will be there for you and your daughter . Another group I belong to is wayup which is very good . Lorraine

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Hi @Rob123,

I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely sharing how you feel. I’m so sorry to hear about your wife, Alison. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

    • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
    • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling.

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

Be compassionate with yourself, @Rob123.

Take care,

Becca

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OMG you are so brave to share that with us like this,so recent a tragedy.My thoughts are with you.The people on here are marvellous they will support you . Michael x

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Thinking of you Rob. I “googled” Ali after I read your post and was confronted with the tragedy that you and Emily are dealing with.
Please know there are so many people who are heart broken for you both. Wishing you strength to cope with your loss.
With love and caring thoughts, especially to little Emily xx

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That horrible sick feeling has come back today,bad day for me ,missing her so much,nearly 9 weeks now without my darling wife Judith,I am so unhappy what is the point of this life now.I have no family near me,they do not visit anyway.I am crying my eyes out writing this,sobbing so loudly I hope my neighbours can hear me.I am so scared of the future of being alone I am 76 what is left for me now that my wife has gone. Michael x

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Michael,

I’ve been crying myself today with a loss of my darling wife as well. Like you at times it feels hopeless. I feel utterly lost. You are absolutely not alone even if you don’t have family directly with you.

Please please please, I’m no expert in this having only recently gone through it myself, but I would suggest you need to immediately speak to somebody. I do know that the Samaritans are available.

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Oh Michael, I am so sorry you are on your own.
We weren’t lucky enough to have any children, but my brother & his family have been so supportive for me.
As have my wonderful friends, I truly couldn’t cope without them all.
Does it make you feel any better just going to the corner shop, or having a little breath of fresh air perhaps? (I know the weather isn’t too good today) but I always feel better after a walk. There is often someone to have a little chat to as well which helps.
Please, please ring one of your friends to come & visit you this afternoon Michael. Even just half an hour would make you feel better.
From what you’ve said about Judith, she was a great lady who would be so sad to think of you suffering like this now.
Have you any plans for a little memorial for her, something for you to focus on. A memorial seat perhaps, a plaque or a tree or shrub even.
I understand you are perhaps not in the right place to think about this yet as it’s such early days for you in your journey of loss.
Thinking of you, Janey xx

Yes I have just called a friend to talk too for a while and it has helped me.Weekends seem to be the trigger to start me off again,friends and family all busy doing.The loneliness comes back to bite you and I am not very good at coping with it.Never been alone before.The empty house is not a home anymore.Nobody to greet you when you come home… Very sad .Michael x

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To Jenny and everybody else that has replied

I just want to thank you sincerely for your kind words. It has been a truly horrible week. I went to see my wife yesterday in the coroners office, it was an experience that will live with me all my life. I would describe it as neither good nor bad. I was so pleased to be able to see my wife, to have a conversation with her and tell her about the outpouring of love that has come away, as well as tell her about how proud I am of her and the way that she raised our 9-year-old daughter means that she is dealing with this situation so much better than I am. It was horrible seeing my wife laying there and not being able to pick her up and hold her and for her not to be able to give me a kiss back.

The community of rallied around us. Memorial gardens have been planned, She will be part of the Christmas tree turn on in our local town in the form of a memory tree, the triathlete club that she was a member of are wearing stickers for her, all the BP garages in the area (Ali worked as their accountant) are raising funds for brain cancer research which Alis dad died of last year and Ali was an advocate for, raising thousands herself in sponsored bike rides.

Her school have been brilliant, they’ve put pastoral support in place as well as emotional well-being counselling. However at the moment she is coping with the situation. She is Alison through and through. Don’t worry I’m not naive, I know that will not always continue to be the case. Am I making sure that the appropriate help is in place as soon as it’s needed. She will also have myself, my sister, and countless, aunties uncles grandmas and grandads.

I am also getting support. Part of which is talking to you on here, so thank you for listening. I’m still in a deep state of shock. I’ve had a terrible week in terms of emotional outbursts, I cannot compute what has happened. It was such a random and fast act of violence. She went out the door on Monday evening perfectly normally, drove down the road that she has driven hundreds of times before and never came home because of a stolen car going the wrong way. But, and I say this conscious of Michaels earlier post, I am surrounded by love. I’m also now receiving professional support, with a charity BREAK having assigned a case worker to me. I have also been put onto emergency referral with MIND. The doctor is trying to help me with some sleeping issues.

In a time of absolute grief, my daughter tenth birthday will happen on the 16th of December and of course there is Christmas, so I’m doing my best to make it as happy an occasion as I possibly can. So today we’re putting up the Christmas tree. We’re also going to see Santa tomorrow which my wife and I had already booked for Emily. Next week we will start to arrange our funeral for Alison and then a celebration of life wake.

I would not wish this experience on my worst worst enemy. It is truly terrible. And feels hopeless. But to close on a positive, I am absolutely determined to continue to live in Alisons Legacy, and raise Emily to be a Wonderful young woman.

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You are truly an inspiring man. Emily is so lucky to have been born to such wonderful, caring parents :heart:

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Rob, I am so sorry that you and Emily are having to navigate a world that you didn’t want. My situation is different in that my husband went out for his evening run and collapsed but I do get the complete shock of how what should have been an ordinary evening can blow your world apart. My children are older but my teenage son was with me when we went to find my husband - we were too late.
It sounds as though you are taking support from everyone you can, which is good. You will probably find you are numb and then busy organising all of these things in the first few months. Keep getting people’s support after that, as that is when you will need it just as much. You might find refugeingrief.com a helpful sight too. I am 8 months on but I still can’t really understand how he can’t be coming back. I don’t think my brain can come to terms with how life can change so quickly. Take care of yourself so that you can take care of your precious daughter. Sending hugs

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I lost my partner Linda in April from illness so not as bad as your circumstances., but I lost my dad with sudden heart attack when he was only 50, so understand the shock of sudden bereavement. Raw grief is a living hell, hope you have enough family and friends especially your wife’s friends to lean on for long term support. Best wishes, Hugh.:heart::heart:

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Morning Hugh,yes the sudden shock of bereavement is overwhelming,I am still inthe non acceptance stage,really cannot believe that she has gone and that I will never see or hold her again.So many things I should have done while she was here,like to dance with her everyday ,she loved dancing,I should have made more of her,so many regrets.Never take for granted what you have because when it is taken from you it leaves you in a mess. Thank you for caring Michael x

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