Thank you Peg, il be thinking of you going back to work, you will get through it. Not really doing anything today but don’t want to just sit here as everything becomes overwhelming. Might go for a walk shortly. Take care Peg and try and have a good day x
1 Like
It’s the worst unwanted journey we will ever make. My dearest Roger passed away on 23 September 2024. He was very poorly with 2 different cancers but I hoped he would get through as he had done twice before. I miss him dreadfully and don’t feel I want to carry on . Each day is a weary battle.
4 Likes
Hi Kate, it is a weary battle you are right. Im having a crap today and I thought I would have better days. Know exactly how you are feeling and I feel like giving up most days but we press on. I hope you have a reasonable day today. Im on here all the time as it helps so much
3 Likes
Thank you EddieN
I find weekends particularly hard - not sure why since I have retired from work. It is an effort to get out of bed some days. Take care
Kate
2 Likes
Dear Eddie, lovely words. I’m glad you did that for both of you
1 Like
I was with my husband for 36 years, and miss him terribly. I also find the weekend she hardest .My husband was still working, and like you I find the weekends the hardest. As that’s when we would have spent our time together . I find Sunday the hardest I never knew what to do with myself.
3 Likes
I don’t know what’s happening today but I can’t stop sobbing. I don’t know if its because im going back to work tomorrow and its like nothing has happened or what. I wasn’t this bad last week. I didn’t think I was over it, of course not but id thought id turned a corner. Its these visions I keep having of moments in our life, they are so real and I don’t know if its to torture me or help me but every time I have them I just want to be back. Everywhere I turn there is photos of me and Gill and it gets me every time. Every time I open the laptop there is one of those stupid photo rolls and it’s all Gill. Im trying to keep a lid on it all but it’s ridiculous I just seem to be getting worse. I don’t know what to do, I can hardly focus through the tears typing this. Today’s vision was a trip to Oakham we had and the game of boules we played, and im there.
5 Likes
Oh indeed Eddie I definitely know the kind of day you’re having. I had a meltdown this morning and now another one. Tried to go into Ray’s music room to sort some things out and I’m struck by the unfairness of it all. He loved playing his music and I’m useless with it. Why am I left here when he had so many talents? Maybe it’s the time of year, I don’t know. Intended to go out to the shops, but I’ve no interest now. Even the poor cat is depressed looking at me! It’s so hard, just so unfair for all of us here trying our best to cope without our special people, who just made everything alright… sorry I have no words of comfort. Sundays are torture I find
4 Likes
I also had a camera roll on my phone of the last twelve months . With pictures of my husband which I wasn’t ready to see they made me cry. I hope your day at work goes well tomorrow . It’s always hard going back to work after any time of work . Even harder after a bereavement. Take a deep breath as you enter the door . I am sure your colleagues will be very supportive of you
2 Likes
Bless ya Peg, im just having a terrible day. Wish I could ease all of ours pain
2 Likes
Thanks Manu, I can understand that and I hope in time I can do something similar. I would feel to guilty at this moment in time removing anything of hers. May sound utterly ridiculous but I still have her slippers in the front room where she sat. I know that is doing me no good at all but just can’t remove them yet
2 Likes
Thanks Sherbet and thank you for the many times you have supported me of late
I wear Ray’s slippers, I’m a size 5 and he’s a 9, so I’m some sight shuffling around the place in them!
He’d laugh his head off
1 Like
Peg for the first time today that has made me smile. Certainly not belittling why you’re wearing them but just the thought of you shuffling around. Thank you I so needed this
2 Likes
Bless you Manu, we really are all in it together
Everything we are all going through is hideous and it’s so hard to keep going.
I know what you mean about reliving random memories from years ago. I think a lot about significant things things that me and Mark have done together, but it’s the everyday stuff that I took for granted like holding hands walking down the road, cuddling on the settee and just chatting and laughing that knock me sideways. Like you with Gill Eddie, I think ‘Why Mark?’. I know it’s real, but it’s too much for my brain and my heart to accept. I don’t know how to cope with this grief day after day.
I’ve been to a dear friend and her lovely husband’s house for Sunday lunch today. They really care and always look after me. We watched the Boro match afterwards and I spent the first half in a daze trying not to cry. Mark and I used to go to games quite often at one point and, if not, we’d be on the settee with a huge bowl of popcorn watching it on TV. At half time, I told my friend how I was feeling, she gave me a big cuddle while I cried and then we sat back down to watch the rest. Today’s game was a memorial match and I’d chosen a photo of Mark to be displayed on the big screen before kick-off during a display of fans who had died last year. It would have been too much to be there myself, but my family videoed it for. I’ve just watched it now. Like I say, I know this is all real, but at the same time, how can it be? It’s ridiculous. I sense from your message about memories you’re feeling that you’re going mad today Eddie. I feel that too about myself. It’s so disorientating, isn’t it?
I’m sure you will be feeling massively anxious about going back to work tomorrow. I’m glad I don’t have that worry at the moment. Just go, take it hour by hour, and try to let any misjudged but well-meaning comments slide off you. People can’t understand unless they’ve been in this position, I suppose we can’t expect them to. You have us all behind you willing you on 
x
4 Likes
Im sure when you get the first few days over it will help.
I went back to work after 7 weeks .i only work part time but its done me good .
Yes i still have colins slippers by the front door and his toothbrush in the bathroom .
Nearly 12months for me x
4 Likes
Has anyone else been to see a doctor about how they are feeling? I’m starting to think I can’t cope with this on my own. I thought I could and just accept all the thoughts and feelings that are the normal stages of grief, but it’s getting harder and I feel less able to function properly. I don’t want antidepressants because they take too long to work properly, but I need somehow to find some sort of calm. This is like being in a nightmare.
1 Like
Yes I have seen my gp , he reached out to me . Very soon after my husband passed away . My first appointment was over the phone. As I couldn’t face going out at that time . He made an appointment for a month later .I have seen 3 times since then . He wouldn’t prescribe any medication for me as he said it’s time I need . He was the one who suggested bereavement counselling which I am waiting for . And talking tables which is at my local library .i would contact your gp in the morning , and see how they can help you
2 Likes
I’ve been to the Dr twice already as the sleep is a major problem for me. When Ray was at home and wasn’t feeling well prior to hospital, I was up all hours of the night as he was in pain. Then when he went to hospital my sleep was non existent, anxiety off the scale worrying about him. My Dr gave me melatonin which didn’t work for me, now he’s given me a mild anti depressant. I hope they work, as I still have huge anxiety and am worrying about returning to work, as my job is face to face with the public all day and I’m worried about breaking down. I cry every single day since Ray left, I will miss coming home after work to an empty house, as we spoke to each other numerous times in the day, and I just can’t imagine a life where there’s no calls from my other half.
3 Likes