My word for these moments is bittersweet. Ofcourse they are happy occasions but you’re so aware of your loved one not being physically there… But I am so sure they are by our dudes still and sharing these moments.
When I was driving home from meeting new baby, the first song on the radio was ‘Baby love’ by the Supremes. Mick loved motown, and this song was so appropriate…
Yes, that’s how it feels. I’m in a daze sometimes. Wandering from room to room. Thank you I will take small steps. The future terrifies me too much. Sending hugs to you, it’s an awful experience to go through isn’t it?
I know it’s so hard it’s the shock of what has happened, you can’t quite take it in . I hope you are eating and drinking even if you don’t feel like .
Hi Sara. I am so sorry to hear that. I know how that feels. Iv been wanting my partner to hug me and comfort me. I cuddle with a Valentine’s bare they got me back in 2019. It helps. I also ware some of there old t-shirts. I ware the hoodie they wore the day before they passed. I will never wash it. It’s like they are hugging me when I ware it. I whis I could give you a big hug, one greving partner to another. Sorry I’m rambling.
My husband died 18th December. He had a stroke on 9th November couldn’t speak or swallow and put on end of life. I sat with him every day. Together 46 years and I feel the same. Did I tell him how much I loved him. Did I make him happy. I have never been on my own before and this is killing me to.
Hi greenland
You never have to apoligise to me for rambling on to me i ramble all the time i wish i had something of pauls that fit me but he was not a big guy at all i still have all his clothes and i am struggling to clear them out i have a friend who told me to do it one box at a time as he coukd here in my voice how hard it was for me
I have just been woke up by a dream we where at this funeral for this guy i did not know him but i knew his wife alison but the strange part is when i knew alisin her husband had aleady passed away she was one of pauls carers but paul was there and we did not have carers then paul was able.to.walk.a.little bit and he was with.me in our car and standing in the cremetorian i do not.kniw what.my dreams mean and paul.is always ok in them then i wake up crying knowing its only.a dream its not real and paul is not there i wish i new what they meant then at 3am in the morning i want to ring somebody and talk who the hell wants to talk to me at that time in the morning i want to go to sleep but cannot i am wìde awake
You see about rambling i do more than you enough now sarah enough
Sarah x
Sassychic
Hi. I am the same. I ramble in my head all the time. 2 years for me since Keith passed.
I have such frightening dreams.
I awake and want to tell someone but who wants to listen in the middle of the night.
Last week I dreamt my son commit suicide at home. I was driving out with my husband and saw him in his bedroom.
Last night it was about my daughter who has stopped seeing any family and moved away. She was getting married but I couldn’t see her.
Think our minds are in a turmoil when we lose the ones we love.
Sorry to ramble too.
Hope your day is best it can be.
Difficult when you have no one to share these frightening dreams with.
Take care.
Yes I’m trying to. I keep having bad dreams. Keep questioning everything, what if? Why? My mind is all over the place.
I know that feeling I was exactly the same . The first 2 months were the worse for me .we are all different how we process our grief. And on here we are in different stages of grief. We do how ever all understand how you are feeling. The flashbacks I had have now stopped thankfully.my gp told me the flashbacks were the brain processing what had happened . Take care of yourself and only do what you feel up to.
Hi julia
That is ok to ramble i do people say i am to chatty thats why they dont like me mrn are the worst people for saying that to me but what do they do when they are in the pub with there mates drinking , anyway had anoher dream and paul was in it we where younger but it was about an argument with my neighbour where i used to live that her niece started by saying i knew where her husband worked and how much money he earnt i went to see my nieghbour to explain her niece had got it all wrong her husband told me he worked for bt thats all i knew why i said bt i do not know as i dont even know where he he worked stupid dream wish i could decipher my dreams and make some sense of them
Now who’s rambling enough sarah enough now
Sarah
Thank you for your kind words, that means alot. I do hope the flashbacks get less, my anxiety is so bad. I get all these different emotions in one day, it’s exhausting. I’m crying, sad, feel guilty, I don’t know what to do with myself sometimes. I do find this site is helping me, especially hearing from people like yourself. Thank you
I have found the support on here really helpful. You can put on her how you are feeling and everyone understands. The early days are awful and you think you will never get through it but you will. Don’t get me wrong I am not healed. I still have bad days , but I am in a better place than I was 5 months ago . There is so much to process, and arrange from the funeral , finances. All when we are struggling with grief. I hope you have some good family support.Take any offers of help you get . My son and daughter in law have helped me such a lot I don’t think I would have coped without them . And also my dog who got me out the door when I wasn’t really up to it . Take Care .
My son is also helping me and I don’t drive so he’s helped me get around when needed. I have two lovely housecats that have been great company and enjoy cuddles. Friends have also said reach out to us when you need, everyone is being so wonderful. I am finding comfort on this site. Thank you so much
That’s good you’ve got some support from family and friends. I don’t drive either, my husband was the driver. My son and daughter in law give me lifts . There are certain places I miss going. As I can’t drive, like a lot of people in here weekends are the worst. Especially Sundays
Hi sherbert10
Can you not learn to drive it was the best.thing i.ever did my wonderful husband taught me to drive then i went out wirh an instructor for a short while to pass my driving test and i never looked back mw husband bought me my first car and that was it to be so independant is great
Sarah
A few people have asked me that , I did try when I was 30 it didn’t go well. . Not sure I could do it now I am 70 years old . Also my finances wouldn’t run to it . Thanks for suggesting it though
Hi sherbet 10
I totally understand that i always wanted to drive ans with paul driving for work he just hated.having.to do that when he came home i got that so i.learned as i said he taught me and he taught me well i did not.need many lesson then my test i failed first time.but passed second time and that was it and i still have my own car.now at the age of 68 i could not.do without it , it.is such a shame.that you did not have a good.experience when learning i had a very good and patient husband to teach me and i know it is so exspensive now shame though
Sarah
Yes i know , i have a friend who is divorced and drives . She has had to give up her car as she can’t afford to run it
Yes I can drive but unfortunately I can’t afford to run a car. I too miss going out with my partner, we just used to drive out to the country at the weekend and stop for a drink or meal, now I’m just sitting on my own most of the time. I totally agree the weekend can be very lonely sometimes. Sending hugs to you
We used to go out at the weekend, whether it was going for a meal out or taking our dog for a run on the beach. I really miss that . Although I get a lot of support from my son and daughter in law . They have their own family I don’t want to impose to much on them. I spent a lot time on my own as well . How our lives have changed so much.