My wonderful Mum

Hi,
I lost my beautiful Mum in July very suddenly. She was just 63. I am absolutely devastated as is my Dad and 2 sons. She had no warning signs apart from stomach pains on and off. I feel completely alone, even though I have my family around me. I suppose I am just looking for some support from someone who has gone through similar. I got to the hospital 5 minutes before she died. I always thought we would grow old together. She was the best Mum wife and Nana in the world. I just feel torn in two

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I am so sorry to hear about your Mum.My Mum died suddenly 14 years ago.I lived 250 miles away and that train journey seemed to take forever.My poor Dad was so distraught when we finally arrived.I felt I never had time to grieve for her because my Dad came to live with us and then my late husband became disabled.Now that my husband has passed away,I can grieve for all three of them.I feel so lost and alone and I think I’m losing my mind.

Hi
You’ve come to the right place.
I and several people on this site, post regularly about the sudden deaths of our mums and we have become quite friendly.
I am still in total shock over my mum and amazed that I am even living on without her. My mum had some tests and discovered that her carotid artery was 95 percent blocked. This was a massive stroke risk so mum was advised to go into hospital for an overnight stay to clear the blockage under local anaesthetic and come home the following morning. Mum was very going in for the procedure and I waved goodbye to her telling her I would ring the ward at 6pm and see her tomorrow. My mum suffered a massive brain hemorrhage 15 minutes after the surgery and I never saw her alive again.
She was my absolute world and lived with me, my partner and my 12 year old daughter. She did all my childcare, and was very active and happy for 74. I thought she would live till she was 90.
What did your mum actually due of? Did she have a post mortem?
How are you bearing up?
Cheryl c

This was june by the way

The last 5 months have been awful x

Oh Jill you have gone through so much. It is so unfair what life throws at you isn’t it. She was truly a beautiful person inside and out. She was so serene. I never saw her angry. I’m an only child and my mum and dad dote on me and my boys.

Hi I’m so sorry for your loss and now part of the “lost our lovely mum” club. A club no one wants to join. Mum died August 26th. Like your mum. She had pains on and off (in her back) then developed a cough. She had an X-ray. Which was all clear. Two days after the results she collapsed. 4 days after being in hospitals they diagnosed metastasised cancer unknown primary and she was too ill to be tested to find the primary. Anyway she died two days after we were told about the cancer. We were all so shocked we thought it was just a chest infection. This site has helped enormously. Only these lovely people on here understands what I’m going through. They have let me rant and talk. It’s been really helpful. It’s been 13 weeks and still hurts like hell every single second of the day

I’m so sorry about your Mum. She had a clot on her liver, broncho pneumonia. She collapsed at home. My dad has the house up for sale. He can’t bear it.
Thank you for replying it means so much.

I’m so sorry. It is like living in hell isn’t it. There are times I wonder how to carry on but I know without a doubt my Mum would want me to, and to look after my boys. I’m a completely different person now. The world feels alien. I sob every single day and pray for her to come back

I feel your pain. It’s terrible isn’t it. Big hugs

I’m sorry for your loss MylovelyMum21. I lost my Mum suddenly 8 weeks ago from pneumonia and a sudden heart attack in hospital. I’m still in shock. This place is a blessing, as so many people know what you are going through.

Yes it is a living hell. Each day is torture. I’ve taken to focusing on stuff that’s in the past. But I do that so I don’t have to focus on her not here in the present. My brain is all over the place and I feel as if I’m going slightly insane. But I have two kids and she would be so sad to see us all like this. Onwards and upwards somehow. What I do know is that a piece of me has died and I’m a different person now

I’m so sorry Daffy123. How old was your Mum? My Mum looked and acted so young which makes it even worse. She only looked early 50s

I feel just how you do. How old was your Mum?
I feel like I’m going crazy too. I’m also so angry and punch furniture and the bed as I have to get it out! Everything feels wrong X
I miss her face, her conversation, her just being here, terribly

Yes,Mum had a PM.It was Ischaemic heart disease.She died at the checkout at Sainsbury’s.She would have laughed at that.She had a strange sense of humour!Like most women her age(78)she would never see a doctor but the year before,she had very high blood pressure,was prescribed tablets but never went back for a check up.I lost Dad 6 years ago to Bronchopneumonia and Vascular Dementia.Life was tough for all of us for 6 years

I’m only 8 weeks into the loss of my Mum, but there have been points where I thought I could easily loose my mind. The stress, the emotions, the physical effort, the shock and the grief. It’s not surprising the brain can’t cope a points. I suspect our brains are completely over-whelmed. In the middle of the night, my thought processes are like a busy motorway. No one clear train of thought - just busy with tons of thoughts. I’m unable to focus/concentrate.
C1971 said to me a few weeks ago, something which has stuck with me. It was alone the lines of -when we loose parents and loved ones, we loose our anchor.
We got to find and now be our own anchor. Self preservation. Somehow, we need to root ourselves so as not to get totally swept away. Plus, we need to grieve at the same time.
We also need to believe that it will get better with time.

No problem
There are a little team of us here that talk every day. Please join us if it helps
All of us have partners and most of us have children but we all get most comfort from talking to each other online.
5 months down the line I’m avoiding neighbours, friends and family because I just cry whenever I see them x

I want to see our house. We bought a lovely detached bungalow in kent specifically so my mum could come and live with us. She had her own bedroom, living room and bathroom. The set up was brilliant and it was supposed to last for 15 to 20 years. Mum died 10 months after we moved in. I hate it here now.
I cant blame your dad wanting to sell although it may be a bit soon for a huge change like that x

Sell our house, not see it

. My mum was 74 but looked at least a decade younger. It feels unreal. She was tucked away in the hospital corner, so I have no idea how long it took them to find her not breathing. They brought her back after 8…5 mins but it was the end for mum as the damage was done. There were several questions with her care. I think she ran out of luck. I miss her dreadfully. It’s the saddest thing I’ve ever known.
Somehow, we’ve just got to keep going until, the days feel better.

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Jill

You arent losing your mind. If you are then we all are too.
Grief is so so terrible xx

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