If I can be as good a dad as my mum was a mum then I’ll be doing well. Mum’s are amazing and my mum gave up so much in her youth to look after her children, so many sacrifices. She lost her parents when she was just 21and 23 and I can’t begin to imagine what that was like but must have been worse than the pain I’m in now. I owe so much that I can never fully repay. What we can do now is honour their lives as best we can. It’s certainly not easy especially right now but I know with time then it’ll get easier. Our kids look up to us and we are their world just like our mum’s were to us.
We will always miss our loved ones.
Hi Justine,
I’m sorry to read about your mum. My mum was found to have a blockage and required surgery. 15 mins after the surgery (which has been recorded as succesful) my mum suffered a major stroke and never woke again. Her life support was turned off the following day.
For 2 weeks the coroner pondered over whether to do a PM. Eventually they decided they would do one which decided that mums bleed on the brain was coincidental and nothing to do with the surgery.
I am lucky in that my mum never recovered from the operation and I didnt have to watch her suffer or see fear in her eyes.
However the whole thing has been awful and I still cannot believe it 5 months down the line.
My 12 year old daughter misses my mum so much and I am absolutely heartbroken.
Cheryl x
Thank you Jill
Thanks Shaun73. I am so very lucky to have had the upbringing and love that I had. And have. Take care
Hi Cheryl
Thank you so much for your reply. I’m a little lost as to where to start. I think I’m feeling total disbelief at the moment. I know mum has gone. I know that. But I don’t quite believe it as of yet.
We have finally had the death certificate signed. So mums body will be released to us tomorrow. They are putting it down to heart disease. To us the fact of the stroke happening during the stent procedure is irrelevant. We lost her. That is all that we are feeling right now. But I’m a little angry with the hospital. We were told on the Friday that she was end of life. Thus I asked for palliative care ASAP. As the doctor told me they could help make mum more comfortable ( she really struggled with fear & panic). It took until the Monday for palliative care to turn up, they were lovely. Then I over heard the palliative nurse telling off the doctor for he had been calling the wrong number all weekend. I’m a bit annoyed at that. Within 6 hours of palliative medication in her driver ( had been in driver for 2 days at this point). She finally passed. But anger is not going to do me any good I guess what is done is done. But it’s hard
Thankyou so much for replying
I simply need somewhere to air my feelings
How are you doing today ? Xx
With love
Justine x
You have somewhere to vent your feelings.That’s why we are here!Many of us were angry with hospital care,but what’s done is done,it won’t bring them back.I was led to believe that Rob was responding to treatment and we were so happy for 48 hours then he died.That feeling at that moment when they told me will stay with me forever.Suddenly,the love of my life had gone ,my darling sweet kind Rob.He’ll never be forgotten x
Yes I agree, we have to vent somewhere. Better not to keep things bottled up where they will eat away at your soul and turn you bitter. There are so many things when I look back that I could be angry about, not hospital in my case because mum never made it to hospital. I remember that moment when I realised that all was lost, I remember being told and then going numb and I don’t know how the hell I survived that but I did. I now try not to dwell on some of those memories from the past. They hurt too much and don’t change anything about the here and now. It’s done, out of my control, final, she isn’t coming back and I’ve just got to deal with it. It’s sodding hard though.
Dearest Jill
Many thanks for you reply
Of course your sweet Rob will always be remembered for you loved him so xx
I know the hospital tried there best. And I am so great full to them. But there were some major failures in there care of my Mum. She was not kept as comfortable as possible. And was waking in total panic and fear. Trying to pull her half paralysed body out of the bed. It was awful. And even after the death rattle set in there were a couple of times she woke alarmed that she was chocking and foaming from her mouth and nose. We her loved ones had to witness that. And more importantly my mother suffered it. But I know I have to let that anger go xx
I hope you have as good a day today as is possible xx
Hi Shaun
I totally agree anger is not going to change anything. But venting feels necessary sometimes.
I hope you have as good a day as is possible today
My love goes out to you on the passing of your most beloved mum xx
Anger is all part of the grieving process,I’m afraid.We all try to blame someone.The nursing care Rob received was wonderful,I can’t fault it at all.It was the Consultants and Doctors that were giving us false hope.Is it normal protocol to do that?Anyway its done now and I have to move forward somehow. Jill x
Hi Justine,
Weekends are worse for me. During the week I’m so busy with work, getting my daughter off to school packed lunches etc.
Weekends, if I wasnt working, were spent with mum and I popping to town, catching up on tv we had missed, sharing a bottle of wine etc.
Yesterday I sat in a pub on my own for 3 hours whilst my daughter saw frozen 2 with a friend and then went for a burger.
I couldnt face walking round the festive, busy shops so sat in the pub nursing 2 large pinots until my daughter was ready to meet me. I thought, is this what my life is now?
By the time we got home last night I was grumpy and miserable and went to bed when my daughter did at 8.30.
I still can’t believe my mum has gone and it’s been 5 and a half months.
I’m a mixture of sad, angry and bitter. But it is what it is, as shaun said, they are gone and we just have to get on with it.
I hope you are ok. It’s such early days for you x
there is so much pain… too much pain… too many mums, loved ones, dads and even children lost too early. I am so sorry for all your pain. I lost my mum and my pain is so huge that I can’t even imagine there could be more pain. I am also angry about many things, things that we should have tried, my mum being diagnosed late, things we did late. At some points anger gives me the energy to go on but that is not good
Hi
Yes I totally agree. The weekends are the hardest with nothing to “have” to do.
I really understand about the joy of Christmas being all around. I can’t bear the shops also.
I too took to my bed all day on Sunday to be honest.
It’s 2 weeks exactly today that we lost Mum. She still isn’t ready for us to go & see her in the Chapel of Rest. I’m panicking a little as her funeral is on Thursday. I need to see her one last time.
It must be hard for you to try to get everything ready for Xmas for your daughter xx. I have 2 young granddaughters so I know I will have to grin & bear Xmas somehow
Hope today has not been too awful for you x
MylovelyMum21,
Hello, love, welcome to this forum from which you will gain comfort and understanding. Your mum was very young to pass away, I am truly sorry for you and your family.
Love,
MaryL