Two days ago my wife of 19 years died suddenly in a horrible way at home - she was the love of my life, my rock - we had a life of laughter and goofy talks in the middle of the night - now she’s gone, not for a week or a month…but forever - everything in the house sets me off - i don’t even want to turn the fan on because the last time it was on my wife was here - stupid yeah? - i’ve got to deal with the coroner and the benefits people this week - surely they can give us more time? - it feels like my stomach has been ripped out of me - I can;t see myself smiling or laughing ever again - she always said that she wanted to die first, this was the reason - I believe in a Source, or a God if you want - I believe that there is an afterlife, not really in a religious way but something else - it gives me a little hope that there’s a chance that I’ll see her again one day - but I’m 55 and that could be 30 years from now which makes my heart sink - I don’t want to wake up or maybe I could get lucky and catch a terminal disease? - this is the state of mind that we find ourselves in…please help - please
My goodness. It is very early for you and it sounds very difficult. You will feel a great deal if pain for some time yet. Take all the support and help you can get from family and friends. You are lucky to have found this site so early. We will all support you as much as we can. So sorry for your loss and your inclusion in this club no one wants to join. Xx
@CliveH
Dear CliveH I am so very sorry . You are in complete shock at the moment and nothing seems real.
Nothing anyone can say will take your pain away but please know that there are so many people on this site that will be here for you all the way.
Sadly all of the official things we have to do need to be done in the first few weeks. I agree that we need time as our minds have more or less shut down. I do hope you are having support and that you have someone to help you. I was unable to even register my husbands death, my sister did it for me.
Life will change for you but in time you will learn to live a different way . It is not easy and you have to grieve for your lovely wife.
One day you will smile again and find enjoyment in life but not yet, I am not going to pretend it is that easy. It is now nine months since I lost my lovely husband. I miss him so much but know that I have to live for us both, he would have wanted that.
Please keep on reaching out on this site, it has helped me and many others so much.
Take care and sending you lots of strength and hugs. xx
Mate…been there…feel the same…but 6 months in I’m stil here…take one hour at a time…look no further…then one day…don’t know where we end up…but that’s how to do the journey…I also am not religious but firmly believe in an after life existence…hold on…sending vibes your way…and use this forum…it’s helped me immesurably even tho I have had 13 councelling sessions so far…
Thanks everyone, I will keep coming back to get help and also to help - thank you
I’m so sorry- you must be absolutely broken. It is such a horrific shock and so crushing.
I lost my husband and love of my life 5 months ago and still sob a lot and feel pain. I can tell you though there are slightly easier moments and every thing is a bit less painful. The waves of overwhelming pain come but with slightly less frequency. You just have to go through this, grow with it. There is no solution other than grief is awful and yet necessary. It is sometimes almost unreal but so very very horrifically real. It will get a little easier though.
In thoroughly recommend lists. Your brain will not be working. When you think of something you need to do write it down. It’s the only way i got through it all. Still after nearly 9 weeks the odd thing pops out if the woodwork. Still getting figures for the probate. So much to do in the early days. Good luck and take all the support you can get, xx. Sandra
@CliveH Believe me, everything you are saying, we have all said. That raw and painful feeling you have, will pass and become a dull ache. There is no easy way forward, you have to walk through the pain. Take each hour as it comes and concentrate on the now and what you need to do next. Let the tears flow as and when you need to, let it out.
Have you or are you planning to see her? My partner was at the coroner’s and I saw him there, otherwise they said it would be 2 week, which then turned in to 3 weeks and a closed coffin, which broke me.
The feelings of not wanting to wake up, are all normal. The loss of the future for me is the hardest part. I’ve only just turned 58 and it seems unreal to think I could live another 30/40 years without him. Its horrific to think about so I don’t I stick to the now, tomorrow is not guaranteed. Sods law though, for us, we’ll probably get a long life.
Be kind to yourself, your feelings will change on an hourly basis. Just put one foot in front of the other and I promise, it does get easier in the coming months.
At least all the stats say I am likely to live to 83. That is another 12 years. That seems long enough. Hopefully those if you who are younger can make another better life than you are living now. I don’t expect to have enough time. Xx. Sandra
@Pudding my partner gran got to the age of 105 and my Nan was 102 
they never thought in their 80th that they would go another 20 odd years!
That’s it. Cheer me up. The figures came from actuaries for my annuity. With my health issues I think it is probably about right if not generous.
yes, my mother is going strong at 94
Its going to go to the coroner - I have to call the undertakers tomorrow to find out exactly what to do - the paramedics gave me a letter to give to our doctor. I dont know how I’m going to get a death certificate?
lol, not taken badly my friend
@CliveH the coroner will let you know when you can register her death. With us the coroner sent the certificate to the registry office and we just had to make an appointment to go and register. The coroner will let you know. The coroner told us that it would speed things up if we already had a funeral home for him to go to, once the coroner had finished. So that’s the first thing we did. If you need any more help just post on here as someone will be able to answer your question.
what a beautiful thing to do
Hi Clive. So sorry to read your awful news. I can only reiterate what others have said - it doesn’t get easier but I just seem to cope with things a little better. For 12 weeks I slept on the settee. I can’t remember doing anything - it’s all a blur. All I will say is take any offers of help from friends/family.
I am now 9 months into this and still have bad days, even bad weeks. But I also have the odd ‘good’ day. That and my kids are the only thing’s keeping me going.
I am so pleased you have found this forum - people on here really understand. Sending you a big hug.
Thank you so much Chrissie - I had a thought - every couple in the whole world , one person from each couple will go through this - thats an awul lot of broken hearts, but also a lot of healing
That’s very true, Clive. Hopefully we can all help each other and heal together.