So I lost my dear husband suddenly and unexpectedly 12 weeks ago. He was participating in a sporting event, suffered a heart attack and was gone instantly. Emergency services did all they could but couldn’t revive him. He was only 60 and was very fit (or so we thought).I was spectating and it was all so public and traumatic and I’m still not over the shock of that day. We were together 42 years, married for 39.
I can resonate with everything that’s posted here, the feelings of grief, loss of our partners and loss of the future. The pain is physical and relentless and every day is a struggle. Some days I think I’m doing better and then suddenly I’m not. There’s not been a day without tears yet.
I know it’s still early days for me but I can sense friends and family getting frustrated that I’m “no further on”. The sympathy and help seems to be on a time limit and I can feel people withdrawing. When it first happened everyone says “let me know if you need anything “ but the reality is people are busy and don’t really mean it.
I’m scared of the thought that I have to carry this grief inside for the rest of my life, even though I know I will grow around it, it will always be part of me. I’m still just so sad
Hello.
Everyone on this site knows exactly what you are going through and what you are feeling. I lost my soulmate , my dear wife in March this year. She died suddenly and totally unexpected on an evening we went out. All your feelings are common to all who have lost a loved one, you are not alone. I think the situation with family and friends is also a common one. Until this loss effects someone they will never know how we feel. Keep moving forward at your own pace and things will change.
Thinking of you
RJK.
Thank you, this seems to be the only place where people really understand. I feel I’ve lost my compass in life. I always considered myself to be a fairly strong person but this has totally thrown me
Hello R and S, and to all of you who are suffering the most awful ,tragic , life changing event of our lives.
It was exactly 9 months to the day yesterday that I lost my soul mate , best friend and who was my world.
Sometimes I am fine but other times its nearly unbearable and I silently scream , cry , i even hit myself .
I have always been a bit highly strung but Terry was my anchor and would always calm me down and and let me know how loved i was.
I have a lot of insecurities from my childhood , and did not have the best relationship with my mother.
Since Terry died a lot of these demons have really surfaced and because of my paranoia about not feeling loved , I become very sensitive and take on board peoples actions towards me , which is what is happening now.
My sons partner and I don’t see
See eye to eye and at the moment there has been a big row in the family , she and my son are not spking to me , i then had a row with my sister who told me i was thoughtless , which has pulled me down even further, i feel completely on my own apart from.my other son , his wife and my grandchildren who to be honest are the only thing keeping me going and Terry is not here to tell me 'everything will be fine ’ ‘I love you’ .
Thank you for listening and having to read this rather long message. Xoxo
You sound just like me I had a terrible childhood, with my mum and stepdad, I met my husband at 18 and then we started our journey. Now he has gone I feel no one understands me. I haven’t fallen out with anyone yet. But I get obsessed if they don’t text me I feel l must have done something wrong.I don’t text them as I feel I am mithering them. Horrible thing and now grieving my amazing husband who knew exactly what I was going through. Hope you start to feel a bit better soon it’s 14 weeks today feels much longer.
Thank you Debbie25, I was 17 when I met Terry and he had been with till he left me that awful day the 26th November 2022, 51 yrs .
I’m sorry you have suffered as well.
Yes, thats how I react , if I do not get an answer from them , I overthink thst I have upset them in some way and blame myself , Terry was always telling me to be kind to myself .
I take on a lot of guilt , which is from the verbal abuse i got from my mother as a child , i have had counselling in the past but it did not help.
I have been waiting to see a counsellor for 6 months and was told it is going to be longer as they are short of counsellors and the need for counselling is growing .
Some days are better thsn others , i have a great daughter in law and a couple of ‘true’ friends who i know are there for me, I just wish my family ’ sister’ and son were.
I am so sorry, I know exactly how you feel. I lost my husband of over 40 years a month ago and he was everything to me, my rock. To be honest I can’t really grasp the situation, I think deep down I don’t believe he has gone. But somehow we have to go on. Sometime the tears must stop and the sadness ease. Take heart that you loved each other, it’s what I am clinging on to
@Margaret76 . It is nearly 3 months for me. We were married a few weeks shy if 50 years. At least I don’t cry every day now. Things must get better surely although it seems as though living in some kind of purgatory.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my wife just 3 weeks ago. I’m lost without her. She was my reason for living - life now means very little. Yes we’ll survive, but life will never be the same again. I wish I had an inspirational message for you, but I don’t. Just keep posting, keep talking. From what I’ve experienced on here in 3 weeks, no one will tell you to get over it and move on, we all feel the same as eah other.
Its very early for me, i have a feeling that my wife is saying we are in a New Worrld. Aworkd where just for niw, i am the physical part and Jackie is a sprit part but 100% with me qhere i go. Jackie always said to me when ive passed take me all the places we love and show me more… its not that easy but i feel some strength of being in our New World and us both going everywhere together.
Well done dor the football, im sure you were there and everywhere together.
Nearly eight weeks for me. I have just returned home after a week away to attend to our affairs in Spain. Yesterday I felt wretched. Today I gave myself permission to do nothing and to talk to no-one. This afternoon and evening I felt a new calm around me. A feeling of peace and continuity. I know Paul isn’t physically with me any more but I am totally convinced that he is not ‘gone’. I now have no fear of my own end because I know he will be waiting for me.
I know we are all in pain . It’s just over 3 months and I try not to think about the big hole I have in my life or I could just curl up in a corner forever . I know he is with me I had a sign this evening. A solar light was flashing as I walked up the garden and then it stopped as I was watching . It may be nothing but I am sure it was my husband
i feel like you do,i cannot watch the same programmes or play the music we listened to ,it’s all so pointless still praying that i can go to him soon,after 47 years there’s no life i want now without him,it helps on here to share how we are feeling doesn’t it.
@CliveH,
I had exactly the same thought, the notion of punching the air if I get told I am going to die, I can’t wait to be with her again. I am so lonely and directionless without her. I feel it too!
Hi Clive so sorry ypu ate going through this. I agree with everything people are saying. One of the hardest things i found was being kind to myself and not beating myself up for every little thing i did or didn’t do. I am slowly getting there, i am being a little bit kinder to myself tgese days. Although we are all going through the loss we each take a different path to deal with it. There is no right and wrong. Dont compare yourself with how others deal with things. This is your journey, its not one we choose to make, i personally dont think it gets easier, we just find ways to cope with it and take each day at a time. We learn a new way of living. I tell myself i am living for my husband, doing things we both liked. Take help that is offered. This group is a huge help, even if you dont post things, being able to read others posts helps. Take care, sending positive thoughts and strength.
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