I lost my husband on the 25th July. He died at home after a 6 week battle with cancer. I said exactly the same thing you did when my husband was talking about being scared about dying. I just said I would be by his side. I felt so powerless to do anything or say anything else, I keep reliving the last week of his life as if I could somehow change the outcome. I find myself crying at the most awkward times in public. As well as in private at home which I expected but I am not usually a cryer and especially not in public. Just feel so alone. I wouldn’t say I was lonely just so alone if that makes sense. We were such good friends and would talk about everything he had a brilliant sense of humour and I just miss him so much. We havent had the funeral yet and i just can’t imagine how i will cope with that. I know it’s early days but just can’t imagine holidays, nights out, on my own. I haven’t even been able to watch tv since I dont see the point.
I have been feeling bad all day until just now. My friends mother cooked them a roast lamb dinner and they delivered a plate to me. Delicious. Lamb, baked onion, peas, carrots, cauliflower cheese, Yorkshire pudding, roast potatoes all in a lovely gravy. First roast dinner I have had for a long time. Also in a separate container some mince, boiled potatoes and peas for tomorrow with a piece of cheesecake. How to cheer up a miserable day. I have never even met her mother.
You will manage somehow at the funeral. I hope your funeral director is as good as mine. I cried through the whole ceremony. My lovely niece sat beside me and held my hand. My brother read a poem and one of his brothers gave the eulogy. I hope he told you what he wanted. As soon as we were given the terminal diagnosis we discussed it so he could have exactly what he wanted. What he didn’t know was the funeral director I chose used jaguar cars. He always lived his jags. He would have loved knowing his last journey was in one. It me some peace peace that he had exactly what he wanted and over 50 people either attended or watched online. My thoughts are with you. Xx. Sandra
Oh yes, more times than I could count but we were together for nearly 50 years so she has left a big hole in my life. Next month will be 50 years since our engagement, every anniversary brings heartache. I am doing ok mostly, keeping busy so I am tired and sleep come easier that way, cannot sit around, too much time to think.
We too were together for nearly 50 years. He died 6 weeks before our wedding anniversary. I know exactly how you feel.
We were together for 50 years, married for 49. xxx
hello we were maried for 47 years and i lost him 4 weeks ago.it’s a pity you are not in devon
Depends where in Devon. We border Devon and Dorset. Not that I could get anywhere. No care and can’t really walk far then can’t sit on non reclining chair for long. But yours is about the first post that is even relatively close.
we border devon and cornwall not near enoughthough.wish we could find somebody nearer but it’s good to keep in touch on here,it helps ,feel closer to you as we are in the same part of the country let’s keep talking
No. Totally other end of the county. It is beautiful down here. Born in east end of London so just a bit different.
I feel in a similar way to you, my beautiful wife died in my arms at home 18 july 23. I beleive totally that we will meet again in heaven. But i cant wait, i have no choice but i miss her so very much. I have photos everywhere and made photo albums up online in books i and my family can look at. Just me at jome now and every second i miss her, i see signs and feel shes with me, but its hard to get a purpose for doing anything because we did everything to please each other, eating, going out even watching tv but its all meaningless to do now. Ive lost loads of weight and im only 8 stone 8 now. I mainly sit looking at her photos and talking to her as now.
I wait for her coming for me but like you i honestly hope its soon rather than years. All I can do is keep faith and talk to my wife until she comes for me. I had a strange watsap on my phone that ive noticed she sent in her last days which were difficult as she was so poorly, it says, “be patient as i know you are” i still cant beleive the message as its not connected to anything and it was at a time we were both togther at home whilst she was very poorly, but i thank her so much for leaving it to me, it means a lot, we need strength and i can only say that im glad im the one with this pain and not my wife, i love her, she suffered and is not not suffering this that i am.
I can’t even think of life even with my kids. I just want to die.
Hello.
My wife passed away in similar circumstances to your wife. There are many people on this web site that have a good understanding of how you feel. I for one just try to get through each day as best as i can. I miss her more than i can say and the feeling of loneliness is awful. I find i am better if i am with other people. I f ypu have family you can lean on then you must do that. As difficult as it seems i honestly believe we will learn to live with our loss but we do have to find a new meaning to our lives and a new purpose for living.
Dont give up, we are all woth you and on the same journey.
RJK
Hi Debbie25,
I’m so sorry to hear about how you are feeling at the moment. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really lost.
It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:
https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide
There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
- If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
- Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
- Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
- You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline .
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
You deserve care and support so please, Debbie25, get in touch with one of these services.
Take care,
Alex
I have private messaged you x
Thank you my husband had a cardiac arrest in may x
Looks like we are all going through the same thing here together. We have to have patience until our passed lived ones xcome for us as I am convinced they will, make them proud whilst we wait, feel their sprit as we wait.
They will be there when its our time and they are always watching over us in spirit too 
Hi just sat here .My world fallen apart. I sit a read all our posts. Wishing I could take away your pain everyone’s I can’t but I am here for you as we all are. But today for me is struggle, sorry to share now for you with all your pain.
I am hoping we will get through this. Which I am told we will. Hang on in there. XxX we are here. X
Mine aswell…the 12th of May the day our lives changed forever 