Hi everyone,
2 weeks ago I lost my partner of 4 years, he was the absolute love of my life. Funny, kind, caring and the most incredible step dad to my 2 girls 16&14. I keep having attacks of absolute panic as to how I am going to go on without him in our lives, we messaged all day every day, spent every minute together that we could and made a life around us and our girls. I just feel so empty without him, seeing him suffer the pain of cancer for a year was so hard but I honestly thought he would come out the other side even though he was convinced he wouldn’t. I stayed by his bed side for a week whilst he was in the hospice and those days of being together I’ll cherish forever, I wouldn’t change a moment of our life together just feel so cheated and angry with the world. People I thought would bring me strength have been a major let down with stupid comments and little empathy, if I didn’t have the girls and his parents to think about I’d have no purpose because my life was him. He was 42 and I’m 40 and I keep hoping I go young so I don’t have to live a long life without him.
Hi TashLee, I lost my wife of 38 Years on Monday to cancer. I can feel your pain, I understand that someone can mean everything to you. I can only say that I was so lucky to have found my soulmate like you. I try to remember the good times we had together. I hope it will get easier.
Hi John,
So sorry for your loss, the first 10 days were constant visitors and things that needed sorting. We had the celebration of his life yesterday and come the afternoon it was like realisation that this is it for me now. Thankfully he captured our life together with hundreds of photos over 500 of just us 
videos wishing me good morning and night but I find myself sat for hours looking at them and I don’t know if I am making myself better or worse. I literally feel my heart is breaking more with each day that passes.
Hello @Foreveryoung81 and @John64 .
I am so sorry that you both find yourselves at the start of this journey without your loved ones. I’m at the seven month mark now and l can tell you that it’s a difficult road to travel.
Make use of this community, we’re all at different stages of this process and there are a lot of good people here if you just want to chat, get things off your chests or whatever.
And yes @Foreveryoung81 - you do find out who your friends are, l can tell you that from experience.
Sending you both a hug
Thank you, I knew I needed to reach out in some way and I think being able to chat online will take away the void left in my evenings at the moment. We didn’t live together so were always messaging back and forth if he didn’t sleep over so I feel like I’m sat here looking at the four walls or obsessing over things.
That’s why l ended up here too….the need to talk to others who have some understanding about what we are all going through. I don’t think anyone who hasn’t gone through this really understands, try as they might x
Hello to you all, l’m very sorry for your loss and guess l can imagine what you’re all going through!!
I too lost my husband and soul mate of 33 years to cancer 2 months and 3 days ago. I posted under “loss of husband” here but l need every opportunity to talk about it with those who understand. I feel like a freak in a way as my cats are my sole company. We have no family or friends whatsoever, kept totally to ourselves, our various interests and each other’s company. Like Anne Shirley would say, we were “kindred spirits”. Now l get some invitations from few neighbors or people who see me as a “project” for their own feel-good needs, but being “passed around” like this only enhances my pain and loneliness. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, l do appreciate these people’s efforts but we are on totally different planets, they have their circle of friends and immediate families or more and can never begin to understand what this feels like.
Not that l would know how to go about it but the cats are the only “railing” l’m holding on to. They keep me from completely giving up on myself. Is any of you in a similar situation? I really feel like some kind of freak for having no one. Thank you🙏
Hi Yorkshire Rose, thank you for the kind words. Today was especially hard, it was the Registry Office report.I must say Rotherham Registry Office were very kind
Hi Matisse, I am in a very similar position. My wife was my soulmate, we have almost no family or friends nearby. We were always happy with our own company. I spent the last 6 months caring for her, which I now realise was so valuable. I am only on day 5 and everything is still totally raw. I am just feeling so lost.
I’m in the same boat, my partner of 22 years, died of bowel cancer 10 days ago. We had no children either. We spent every minute together, as I was his carer. It’s just so surreal, like a bubbles going to burst and everything will be back to normal. I don’t even think that I have even started to grief properly yet. I’m lucky I do have a couple of really great friends out there.
@MrsQ So sorry you find yourself here, but it’s a good place to be. You must be devastated and confused. It’s such a difficult place to be. You will start to grieve, it comes to us all, and when it does we will be here to help. We understand because we have been you, hard to imagine but true. Keep coming back, we’re here if you need
@Walan Thank you for your kind words. I just keep thinking he’ll walk in the room and give me a hug and tell me it’s all alright 
Hello YorkshireRose, l have had talks with various social workers who have been visiting or calling and they all confirmed that people who haven’t been there just can’t imagine what it feels like. Maybe people are just made that way… as long as they haven’t walked in somebody else’s shoes.
That’s so true @Matisse - l have one particular friend who’d been trying to tell me since about month 3 into this nightmare that it was time to stop being sad and to move on. I ended up telling them to wait till they were in my position, God forbid, and see if they’d be saying the same thing.
I’d still like to think that most people mean well, they just don’t know what they should be saying. On the other hand, it was our wedding anniversary yesterday - l have two sisters and a brother, none of whom bothered to check in with me, even just to say hello. I wasn’t surprised, l’ve given up hoping that they might try to understand what l’m going through.
Hi Tash Lee
This is my first post, but in an odd way I’m so glad I found this forum, because there people who are feeling the same as me. My husband died 3 1/2 weeks ago. He was my soulmate too, we’d been married for 42 years and been together since we were 15. There was never anyone else for either of us. People have been very kind and I’ve been lucky that my sister has stayed . It’s his funeral on Thursday and I don’t know how I’m going to cope.
Much love to you all.
Hi @Paddy53 sending lots of love your way, I can’t imagine how it feels losing someone who you were with that length of time. We had 4 wonderful years and although I feel cheated we didn’t get a life we dreamt about for the future I wouldn’t have changed a thing. How are you feeling about the funeral? I was told after you start to heel but the longer it goes on 2 weeks for me the more people go back to their lives and expect you to do the same when I feel like the world has stopped turning for me xx
Hi Tash Lee, i lost my Husband of 38 years 6 weeks ago & every day just gets harder & harder, we were always together & did everything together, he was in critical care for four & a half months before he passed & i was there all day every day…now i just go to bed every night hoping & praying that i don’t wake up & when i do wake up i wish that i hadn’t…i am just counting the days now until i leave this world to be with him again.
I sympathise with the night time part, I dread waking up because the nightmare begins again, he’s gone and that is agony. It’s only been 4 weeks for me and the funeral next week. I really don’t know how I will cope with that. I am lucky to have friends and family support but to be honest there is nothing anyone can do to make this any better however well intended they are.
This forum is a real life line.
Hi .im so sorry for your loss .such a young age .my husband died in april in a hospice he had lung cancer .feeling angry .lost and wondering why is so natural .i got so angry with everything .im glad you have your children with you and his parents .you find out whi is really there for you in these awful times .sending big hugs .here if you need anything xx
Hi @gary66 i totally understand what you are saying, I keep wishing I wasn’t so young so I don’t have to wait to be with him again 
he told me he wanted me to go on living but when they were your life and you did everything together it feels as if any life we had has gone over night. I went out with his work friends last night as he instructed them to do if he passed. Being surrounded by others who thought so much and who told me all night how spoke of and loved by him I was, was lovely but then on waking this morning my heart is even heavier realising it will forever be just memories now x