Hi @Franky56 it was secondary lung cancer that caused Lee to pass at the end too. I just can’t imagine how life will be on without him x
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Hi Kathy, how are you feeling about the funeral? Lee has a direct cremation which for us as family was much easier in some respects and him making the arrangements with me before hand took the pressure of as to what he wanted. We had our own celebration of his life which was still hard but without the world there which is what I am struggling with x
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I know its so hard kev was misdiagnosed .he had a chest x ray November 21 was told it was ok .August last year he was told he had lung cancer inoperable and incurable .i have a solicitor dealing with it .an independent radiologist used by my solicitor has stated the tumour should never of been missed .im so angry with them .they leave such a void in your life that no one will ever replace .kev was 60 bless him xx
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@Franky56 that must be so hard, there was lots of miscommunication and poor after care we experienced. I’m luckily not in a place of guilt on my part but I do think should I have done this or forced that but he was his own person and he didn’t want to prolong his life as he was he wanted a cure and was meant to start a trial but then sepsis happened and then we found out it had spread rapidly in 2 weeks and we were looking at days. I take comfort in knowing we had time to say our goodbyes and tell each other how we always felt about one another and I was there to see him peacefully pass away. I know some don’t get that chance so for that I am thankful for x happy to chat via inbox too x
I think the direct cremation sounds like an ideal thing and am considering it for myself. It’s the prospect meeting all our friends and family that is daunting, I really don’t know how I will cope. We had not prepared our funerals as we thought we had many more years left, it was all so sudden, we had 2 weeks from signs of illness to him dying, so sudden and traumatic. Keep fighting, we have to x
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@Kathy6 that must be such a shock 
all I can say is take comfort in all the words of love that everyone will say, cry when you want and don’t feel you have to put on a brave face or say you are okay. I lost my dad 5 years ago and I kept saying I’m fine all the time and then it hit me so long after it hindered my grieving. So when people ask I say how I feel ‘simply lost’ is usually my answer. I keep saying the sentence ‘grief is the price we pay for loving someone’ in my head as that’s exactly what’s happening to us, I love him so much that’s why it hurts so much and that’s okay x
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I wonder if the grief echoes the love we had and love we gave, so maybe there is comfort in the tears. Can’t say I’m convincing myself yet, but grateful for the love 
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@Foreveryoung81 There was also a lot of miscommunication with my partner’s treatment, I feel and still feel totally let down by the NHS. A fortnight ago he said he wanted to go into the hospice which was on his end of life plan, which he made with the MacMillian Palliative Nurse. I rang on the Sunday to say he was ready to go in and these two other palliative nurses came round and said he would better off at home and carers would come round, plus a load of other things. The MacMillan nurse came back round on Monday got him into the hospice, he died the next day. I got a phone call this week for him from the dietitian the two nurse booked in for him a week to the day he died.
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So sorry for your loss .i found it difficult when i had my husbands funeral .i said an eulogy at kevs .i didnt think i would be able too .but i felt him with me .every one praised me for what i said .you will find it hard but im sure you will do him proud .he will be looking down on you and thsnking you for all the precious times you spent together .thanking you for all the love you shared xx
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Hello YorkshireRose,
I just got back from having lunch with some neighbours l’ve been recently introduced to. It was nice to leave the house for a few hours, pleasant company, plenty of good food… and now l’m back home and wish l could make myself disappear and take the cats with me. It’s so lonely and empty and saaaddddd!!! We all here lost half our hearts and souls and no outsider can grasp that. I feel that l just exist and that’s it.
Sorry to hear that your siblings didn’t even call you, l am sure it hurts and you would have expected them to show some sympathy but that’s how it is… sadly, for so many of us here.
I actually tried to talk myself out of this lunch invitation but the host refused to accept it… As l said it was ok but nothing in the world can lessen the pain and grief. My husband has been gone 8 weeks and 4 days today.
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That must be so hard to comprehend, and I think a lot of anger gets left with us thinking that our loved ones could have had less pain and more time if people listened. The only thing I can say was the hospice for the week was so calming and every nurse had so much compassion and empathy for Lee, myself and his parents. It made a horrific time easier x
Hello John64,
Thanks for replying. As l wrote in another post we have lost one half of our heart and soul with the passing of our husbands, wives, partners. Nobody else can begin to imagine what it really feels like. So often during the day l wish l could disappear, dissolve so as not to feel this pain. I can only wish you tons of strenght and perseverance and of course you are welcome to get in touch anytime:pray:
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@Foreveryoung81 I can’t agree with you more. The hospice he was in I couldn’t fault and if each and everyone in our partner’s journey had been like them, perhaps it would help our grieving process.
My partner had a terrible experience even before he was diagnosed, he was a big chap and had lost weight, when his tests came back over two years after having his yearly MOT, his liver function wasn’t right, and he was just told to lose more weight.
On the day he got diagnosed the Consultant asked him what he thought was wrong with him, which he replied cancer. There was a pause and the consultant said yes. Another very long pause and we had to ask what stage it was at. The consultant then left us with a nurse. She took us for blood tests and sat us in a public waiting room for half an hour because she couldn’t get the computer to work, but didn’t come out and apologise. And that was just the beginning of his journey, poor thing and it went on like this for 11 months.
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Hello Paddy53,
So sorry for your loss and pain. Hope there were enough friends and family to support you at your husband’s funeral.
Since l have no one, I’ve decided to go on my own to the cementry once my husband’s tombstone is ready. Since l don’t drive l’ll take a cab and the driver will pick me up later on. I don’t want anyone to wait for me and get impatient while l sit by his side, cry rivers, talk to him or play him the new STONES album. He enjoyed their songs and music so much. And there’s so much l want to tell him about.
Thinking of you all here and wishing us all the strenght we need🙏
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@MrsQ I think because to them it may seem everyday they forget they are turning families lives upside down! I always imagined when the word cancer was said there were people rushing to get you scans and treatment and that’s not the case is it 
everything was so long, the pain management was so bad given tablets I’d take for a head ache to treat pain after major surgery. It was a week before he passed before he got the meds I had been asking for so he suffered and worked through a year when no need. I’m trying not to think of it all and think of happy times amongst the year which we had but seeing the brave strong man I loved hurting was soul destroying x
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@Matisse that is so awful you have to go alone, only wish I lived close I would drive you and sit for however long for you to be besides your husband. Here if you need to talk anytime, most are probably like me and sleep is rare x
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TashLee,
Thank you so much for your kind words. Herre too if you feel like talking🙏
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Hello MrsQ,
I came across some stuff related to my husband’s first chemo session and realized (my memory is so foggy lately) that he lived only some 14 months longer. He finished his sessions to move on to radiotherapy - a whole of ten sessions. When l think now of how futile it all was and how horrible the side effects were, l get so angry! I don’t blame them for not curing him but at least be fair and honest and don’t make the patient believe he’s going to get better.
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@ [TashLee God how sad. my story’s nearly the same, I lost my girlfriend & friend of 5 1/2 years in Aug, we had known each other over 5 1/2 we met on line then chatted on skype every night, till the sun rise in my case, as theres a 5-6 hour time gap between us, as she was from Florida U.S and I’m in london uk, we were so close, we loved each other, and knew everything about each other too, I’m a career from my autistic brother, so time to myself is short, so our plans to met up were in the pipe line, which I was hoping it would be next year in 2024, but all that has been destroyed now, our last chat was on july 31st on skype, and as I was caring for my autistic brother I let 12 day go by before I checked my skype account again and the message I got broke me in too, I cry’d buckets and have not stopped crying since, it told me she had died on the sunday 13th Aug 2023, I just feel broken inside and my heart has been ripped out of my chest, she was only 52-3 & I’m 56, all that I planned for has been taken away from me, and now life feels worthless, I cry every day over her loss, so I know how you are feeling, cry as much as you can, let it all out. bless you, life is so cruel.
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Life is so cruel, ripped away part of you is so true… it’s so harsh using it, keep going that’s all you can do
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